can't stand my child's teacher

[Anonymous]

I don't like my son's teacher either - she picks on my kid. He has ADHD and she seems to find him overwhelming and unlikeable.
I know it sounds like my DS is a pain- and he can be- but he gets in trouble for behaviors that are ignored in other kids. My son was distracted and not working well one day- they sent him to the office and I got called. Yet kids who have engaged in much worse behavior (saying mean things, harassing behaviors, and one case of egregious bullying) are not sent to the office.
I just hijacked this thread- sorry. I needed to get it off my chest. Deep breath, the year is almost over...

[Anonymous]

I think pulling the kd does them a disservice. Resiliency is a hard lesson to teach. You are not going to be there to "pull them" when their professor or boss is difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think pulling the kd does them a disservice. Resiliency is a hard lesson to teach. You are not going to be there to "pull them" when their professor or boss is difficult.

But they will know how to get themselves a better job instead of feeling stuck in a bad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think pulling the kd does them a disservice. Resiliency is a hard lesson to teach. You are not going to be there to "pull them" when their professor or boss is difficult.

Completely agree!!! Life is full of not perfect situations that require creative solutions. Give your
Kid some positive tools to deal with the crap and be there for them emotionally. way better than pulling them out mid year?! Are there even private schools who accept kids mid year? That seems improbable unless you were a mega donor or president's kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think pulling the kd does them a disservice. Resiliency is a hard lesson to teach. You are not going to be there to "pull them" when their professor or boss is difficult.

But they will know how to get themselves a better job instead of feeling stuck in a bad situation.

Not by having mommy do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like my son's teacher either - she picks on my kid. He has ADHD and she seems to find him overwhelming and unlikeable.
I know it sounds like my DS is a pain- and he can be- but he gets in trouble for behaviors that are ignored in other kids. My son was distracted and not working well one day- they sent him to the office and I got called. Yet kids who have engaged in much worse behavior (saying mean things, harassing behaviors, and one case of egregious bullying) are not sent to the office.
I just hijacked this thread- sorry. I needed to get it off my chest. Deep breath, the year is almost over...

OP, how do you know that other kids have done the same things your son is doing? Have you spent multiple, entire days within the classroom? I'll bet you are going by what your son tells you.

Could it be possible that your son is frequently behaving in ways that distract other students and prevent them from learning, or that prevent the teacher from giving other students the attention and care they deserve as well? How do you know that any of those students have special needs that require some special attention from the teacher (which she might be prevented from giving if your son is repeatedly acting out when she's not able to focus on him)? Just because you think your son has an excuse or condition causing his misbehavior does not mean that the teacher is wrong for sending him out of the room when he becomes uncontrollable/distracting. How arrogant of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like my son's teacher either - she picks on my kid. He has ADHD and she seems to find him overwhelming and unlikeable.
I know it sounds like my DS is a pain- and he can be- but he gets in trouble for behaviors that are ignored in other kids. My son was distracted and not working well one day- they sent him to the office and I got called. Yet kids who have engaged in much worse behavior (saying mean things, harassing behaviors, and one case of egregious bullying) are not sent to the office.
I just hijacked this thread- sorry. I needed to get it off my chest. Deep breath, the year is almost over...

OP, how do you know that other kids have done the same things your son is doing? Have you spent multiple, entire days within the classroom? I'll bet you are going by what your son tells you.

Could it be possible that your son is frequently behaving in ways that distract other students and prevent them from learning, or that prevent the teacher from giving other students the attention and care they deserve as well? How do you know that any of those students have special needs that require some special attention from the teacher (which she might be prevented from giving if your son is repeatedly acting out when she's not able to focus on him)? Just because you think your son has an excuse or condition causing his misbehavior does not mean that the teacher is wrong for sending him out of the room when he becomes uncontrollable/distracting. How arrogant of you.

PP here- not arguing, but you're making a lot of assumptions about my son's behaviors. He's occasionally distracting and distracted- he is not uncontrollable and he does not repeatedly act out. He would be expelled for that kind of behavior.
He also does not bully, say mean things, exclude other children or otherwise engage in unkind behavior. All of these things have been done to him with less result to the other child than if my son doesn't finish a page of math. I am not arrogant, and I am not a demanding parent who believes the world must bend for her child. I could not be that kind of person and remain on good terms at a private school. I'm sorry if we don't fit your profile of a SN child with intolerable behaviors and an overbearing, helicopter parent.
My kid never seems to get the benefit of the doubt and sometimes I vent because I'm fed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like my son's teacher either - she picks on my kid. He has ADHD and she seems to find him overwhelming and unlikeable.
I know it sounds like my DS is a pain- and he can be- but he gets in trouble for behaviors that are ignored in other kids. My son was distracted and not working well one day- they sent him to the office and I got called. Yet kids who have engaged in much worse behavior (saying mean things, harassing behaviors, and one case of egregious bullying) are not sent to the office.
I just hijacked this thread- sorry. I needed to get it off my chest. Deep breath, the year is almost over...

OP, how do you know that other kids have done the same things your son is doing? Have you spent multiple, entire days within the classroom? I'll bet you are going by what your son tells you.

Could it be possible that your son is frequently behaving in ways that distract other students and prevent them from learning, or that prevent the teacher from giving other students the attention and care they deserve as well? How do you know that any of those students have special needs that require some special attention from the teacher (which she might be prevented from giving if your son is repeatedly acting out when she's not able to focus on him)? Just because you think your son has an excuse or condition causing his misbehavior does not mean that the teacher is wrong for sending him out of the room when he becomes uncontrollable/distracting. How arrogant of you.

PP here- not arguing, but you're making a lot of assumptions about my son's behaviors. He's occasionally distracting and distracted- he is not uncontrollable and he does not repeatedly act out. He would be expelled for that kind of behavior.
He also does not bully, say mean things, exclude other children or otherwise engage in unkind behavior. All of these things have been done to him with less result to the other child than if my son doesn't finish a page of math. I am not arrogant, and I am not a demanding parent who believes the world must bend for her child. I could not be that kind of person and remain on good terms at a private school. I'm sorry if we don't fit your profile of a SN child with intolerable behaviors and an overbearing, helicopter parent.
My kid never seems to get the benefit of the doubt and sometimes I vent because I'm fed up.

I hear you! My DS spent about three to four years building his self-esteem back up after a kindergarten teacher spent the entire year sending him out of the classroom or to a ridiculous thing called the "red line," every time he did something she didn't like. How do I know he was singled out? Because we had him evaluated, which included a two-day observation by a psychologist (whom my DS had not yet met--nobody in the room knew who she was). She was very clear that not only was his behavior not inappropriate for a kindergarten classroom but that he acted and performed better than most of his peers. There are just certain behaviors and personalities that rub certain people the wrong way, and teachers are not exempt from just simply not liking someone. If I had to do it over again, I would have advocated for my son much more strongly. But we were still in awe of the "elite" school we were in and didn't want to make waves. But you're right, the year is almost over. Just hope he gets out of there with his self-esteem in tact and starts the next year off with a teacher who appreciates him for who he is (most of them will)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like my son's teacher either - she picks on my kid. He has ADHD and she seems to find him overwhelming and unlikeable.
I know it sounds like my DS is a pain- and he can be- but he gets in trouble for behaviors that are ignored in other kids. My son was distracted and not working well one day- they sent him to the office and I got called. Yet kids who have engaged in much worse behavior (saying mean things, harassing behaviors, and one case of egregious bullying) are not sent to the office.
I just hijacked this thread- sorry. I needed to get it off my chest. Deep breath, the year is almost over...

OP, how do you know that other kids have done the same things your son is doing? Have you spent multiple, entire days within the classroom? I'll bet you are going by what your son tells you.

Could it be possible that your son is frequently behaving in ways that distract other students and prevent them from learning, or that prevent the teacher from giving other students the attention and care they deserve as well? How do you know that any of those students have special needs that require some special attention from the teacher (which she might be prevented from giving if your son is repeatedly acting out when she's not able to focus on him)? Just because you think your son has an excuse or condition causing his misbehavior does not mean that the teacher is wrong for sending him out of the room when he becomes uncontrollable/distracting. How arrogant of you.

PP here- not arguing, but you're making a lot of assumptions about my son's behaviors. He's occasionally distracting and distracted- he is not uncontrollable and he does not repeatedly act out. He would be expelled for that kind of behavior.
He also does not bully, say mean things, exclude other children or otherwise engage in unkind behavior. All of these things have been done to him with less result to the other child than if my son doesn't finish a page of math. I am not arrogant, and I am not a demanding parent who believes the world must bend for her child. I could not be that kind of person and remain on good terms at a private school. I'm sorry if we don't fit your profile of a SN child with intolerable behaviors and an overbearing, helicopter parent.
My kid never seems to get the benefit of the doubt and sometimes I vent because I'm fed up.

I hear you! My DS spent about three to four years building his self-esteem back up after a kindergarten teacher spent the entire year sending him out of the classroom or to a ridiculous thing called the "red line," every time he did something she didn't like. How do I know he was singled out? Because we had him evaluated, which included a two-day observation by a psychologist (whom my DS had not yet met--nobody in the room knew who she was). She was very clear that not only was his behavior not inappropriate for a kindergarten classroom but that he acted and performed better than most of his peers. There are just certain behaviors and personalities that rub certain people the wrong way, and teachers are not exempt from just simply not liking someone. If I had to do it over again, I would have advocated for my son much more strongly. But we were still in awe of the "elite" school we were in and didn't want to make waves. But you're right, the year is almost over. Just hope he gets out of there with his self-esteem in tact and starts the next year off with a teacher who appreciates him for who he is (most of them will)!

PP here- I appreciate that. I think that you are right- some people are more bit more bothered by certain behaviors. My son has low level chronic needs that can wear on people after awhile (believe me I get it and do sympathize with teachers in spite of my vent). He needs teachers who are organized and flexible- basically at the top of their game, because with him, prevention is key. Otherwise, we're in a situation like now where his teacher punishes for what is most irritating but not the most serious in terms of behavior issues. Something is wrong when my son goes to the office for not finishing his math and a kid who shoved him (on the stairs!) because according to the teacher "he was walking too slowly" stays in class.

His teacher right now is (from what I see) disorganized and easily flustered- it's not a good match for my son. I don't think she's a terrible person or even a bad teacher- I think it's a total mismatch.

[Anonymous]

Kids need to have kind, supportive teachers -- so they can learn -- they are not there to work on resilency (unless it relates to their peers) with their teachers at a young age. Maybe pulling our kid taught him/her not to take any BS! Especially when you are paying a lot of money!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you don't see that in public schools. larger classes, yes, but nothing like that.

I've seen the PTA president, room parent or other volunteer's kids get special treatment in public school- much more than big donors kids in private - my private school experience is more limited than my public school experience... there is definitely favoritism that exists in public too. (I actually don't see it in our private, but then again I pay very little attention to who donates what. I do see many practices in place to ensure ALL kids get "special" roles/opportunities though).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you don't see that in public schools. larger classes, yes, but nothing like that.

Not about the donations, no, but terrible teachers are out there. My daughter is in the last year of elementary school and her teacher is so awful in every way that we are pulling our younger daughter and sending her to a charter school so she won't have her. She has taught at this school for decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to have kind, supportive teachers -- so they can learn -- they are not there to work on resilency (unless it relates to their peers) with their teachers at a young age. Maybe pulling our kid taught him/her not to take any BS! Especially when you are paying a lot of money!!!

Your choice to pull him/her. But short of outright abuse, it's never too early to start teaching resiliency.

I remember a 4th grade teacher being very hard on my kid who I thought was an adorable angel. Then one day I was actually in the class and saw what she had to deal with. It was very eye-opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to have kind, supportive teachers -- so they can learn -- they are not there to work on resilency (unless it relates to their peers) with their teachers at a young age. Maybe pulling our kid taught him/her not to take any BS! Especially when you are paying a lot of money!!!

Your choice to pull him/her. But short of outright abuse, it's never too early to start teaching resiliency.

I remember a 4th grade teacher being very hard on my kid who I thought was an adorable angel. Then one day I was actually in the class and saw what she had to deal with. It was very eye-opening.

You are an absolute horror. You cannot teach resiliency. What if the net effect of the bullying teacher is a loss of confidence, the development of a stutter, a fall in grades?

You really are stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to have kind, supportive teachers -- so they can learn -- they are not there to work on resilency (unless it relates to their peers) with their teachers at a young age. Maybe pulling our kid taught him/her not to take any BS! Especially when you are paying a lot of money!!!

Your choice to pull him/her. But short of outright abuse, it's never too early to start teaching resiliency.

I remember a 4th grade teacher being very hard on my kid who I thought was an adorable angel. Then one day I was actually in the class and saw what she had to deal with. It was very eye-opening.

You are an absolute horror. You cannot teach resiliency. What if the net effect of the bullying teacher is a loss of confidence, the development of a stutter, a fall in grades?

You really are stupid.

Different poster, but . . .

I don't think you are reading the prior post correctly. The poster made it clear s/he did not think "abuse" was acceptable -- so I see no reason to assume that she thinks a truly "bullying teacher" should be endured to build resiliency. Could "bullying" be in the eye of the beholder? Perhaps. The prior poster very reasonably gave an example of a time when her perceptions that a teacher was being too hard on her child were changed by her direct observations of the classroom behavior of her child and the other children. It might be that what she came to see as a reasonable response to the classroom behaviors would be perceived by you as bullying. Fair enough, people differ.

However, do you model that sort of name-calling for your child? ("You are an absolute horror" "You really are stupid") I sincerely hope not.