What to tell a kid who is in, but just doesn't get AAP

[Anonymous]

OP here. A lot of assumptions have been made. We have told her nothing about AAP, which is why she is asking questions. We didn't tell her she was in pool. We didn't tell her when we got the acceptance letter. She is getting information from school and asking us questions. I said we are thinking about staying at LLIV but we're not 100% so we did bring up yesterday that we're going to two orientations to find the school that is the right fit for her for 3rd grade. The reason I mentioned being in class with the same kids from 3-6 is because she mentioned wanting to be in classes with her friend X and now, that won't happen unless and until X gets into AAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A lot of assumptions have been made. We have told her nothing about AAP, which is why she is asking questions. We didn't tell her she was in pool. We didn't tell her when we got the acceptance letter. She is getting information from school and asking us questions. I said we are thinking about staying at LLIV but we're not 100% so we did bring up yesterday that we're going to two orientations to find the school that is the right fit for her for 3rd grade. The reason I mentioned being in class with the same kids from 3-6 is because she mentioned wanting to be in classes with her friend X and now, that won't happen unless and until X gets into AAP.

If your child is asking "How did I get in," then you have told her about AAP.

She knows she is "in", therefore she knows she is in the club.

If she is asking "How do I get in the club? I want to get in the club because my friend is in the club," then she would not have known about the letter of eligibility (and see how I'm referring to it as "eligibility" rather than "acceptance" to a club)

I too have one kid in AAP and one in Gen Ed. We are totally careful about what we call these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A lot of assumptions have been made. We have told her nothing about AAP, which is why she is asking questions. We didn't tell her she was in pool. We didn't tell her when we got the acceptance letter. She is getting information from school and asking us questions. I said we are thinking about staying at LLIV but we're not 100% so we did bring up yesterday that we're going to two orientations to find the school that is the right fit for her for 3rd grade. The reason I mentioned being in class with the same kids from 3-6 is because she mentioned wanting to be in classes with her friend X and now, that won't happen unless and until X gets into AAP.

If your child is asking "How did I get in," then you have told her about AAP.

She knows she is "in", therefore she knows she is in the club.

If she is asking "How do I get in the club? I want to get in the club because my friend is in the club," then she would not have known about the letter of eligibility (and see how I'm referring to it as "eligibility" rather than "acceptance" to a club)

I too have one kid in AAP and one in Gen Ed. We are totally careful about what we call these things.

Not the PP, but regarding the bold statement, it's unfortunate that many parents choose to share this information with their kids. When my child was in 2nd grade, he knew nothing at all about AAP. Zero. He had never heard of it before because we had never discussed it. He came home one day, saying all the kids at lunch had been talking about getting into something called "AAP" and was he in it? (He wasn't). Clearly, all of the other parents had shared this information with their kids. I then had to explain what it was. I didn't make a big deal about it, but I was factual. He was devastated that all his friends had "gotten in" except him. It was very much like a club type of thing among the kids, and still is (now in 5th grade).

I am so tired of posters saying that if the parents don't make a big deal about it, then neither will the kids. Yes, it would help immensely if the parents would treat this as a non-issue. But it's flat-out ridiculous to say the kids themselves don't brag about it at school and use it as a way of seeing who's "in" and who's not. Especially at center schools where it's a huge topic of conversation, for obvious reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A lot of assumptions have been made. We have told her nothing about AAP, which is why she is asking questions. We didn't tell her she was in pool. We didn't tell her when we got the acceptance letter. She is getting information from school and asking us questions. I said we are thinking about staying at LLIV but we're not 100% so we did bring up yesterday that we're going to two orientations to find the school that is the right fit for her for 3rd grade. The reason I mentioned being in class with the same kids from 3-6 is because she mentioned wanting to be in classes with her friend X and now, that won't happen unless and until X gets into AAP.

If your child is asking "How did I get in," then you have told her about AAP.

She knows she is "in", therefore she knows she is in the club.

If she is asking "How do I get in the club? I want to get in the club because my friend is in the club," then she would not have known about the letter of eligibility (and see how I'm referring to it as "eligibility" rather than "acceptance" to a club)

I too have one kid in AAP and one in Gen Ed. We are totally careful about what we call these things.

I just said I told her yesterday when I explained that we were looking at 2 different schools. I never told her about AAP until yesterday, before I posted this question which clearly was a mistake. Silly me for thinking I could ask for help here. Once I mentioned it and the orientations, she came at with me with all these questions and said kids at school have been talking about it and asking her if she got in but she told them she didn't know. They also asked her which school she was going to and she didn't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While volunteering with an enrichment pullout program at school last week, kids were discussing it and how it was for smart kids like the pullout. :-/ At no time did I say that, and I doubt the teacher did either. It struck me as odd because aap isn't necessarily an achievement. Everyone is different, and everyone needs different learning needs.

The kids discuss it and that's why your kid has so many questions. All it takes is one or two parents who tell their kids "it's a program for smart kids", etc., and the ball starts rolling. It is horrible if you are in a base school with half the kids in your grade in Level IV and the chatter is all around. After 3rd grade, a few AAP kids will take every opportunity to remind the others they are in the program as a way to one-up them in class competitions, etc. This has been my least favorite part of the AAP program. I have one DC in AAP and one not so I have seen it with my own eyes, first hand.

I'm the volunteer from 22:36 -- fwiw my kid didn't make it into aap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While volunteering with an enrichment pullout program at school last week, kids were discussing it and how it was for smart kids like the pullout. :-/ At no time did I say that, and I doubt the teacher did either. It struck me as odd because aap isn't necessarily an achievement. Everyone is different, and everyone needs different learning needs.

The kids discuss it and that's why your kid has so many questions. All it takes is one or two parents who tell their kids "it's a program for smart kids", etc., and the ball starts rolling. It is horrible if you are in a base school with half the kids in your grade in Level IV and the chatter is all around. After 3rd grade, a few AAP kids will take every opportunity to remind the others they are in the program as a way to one-up them in class competitions, etc. This has been my least favorite part of the AAP program. I have one DC in AAP and one not so I have seen it with my own eyes, first hand.

I'm the volunteer from 22:36 -- fwiw my kid didn't make it into aap.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I would say. I don't know who is going to be in your class each year (truth). It may change every year (truth). The school decides class placement (truth) so don't worry about it, you'll see get to see your friends. All true statements, and then plead ignorance of anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what I would say. I don't know who is going to be in your class each year (truth). It may change every year (truth). The school decides class placement (truth) so don't worry about it, you'll see get to see your friends. All true statements, and then plead ignorance of anything else.

I have one in AAP and a second who just got in. I never said one word to either child. My new one who was just admitted has never asked me about it, been told about, knows nothing about it. My older one knows about it now because it has been a few years. If one of my kids asked if x was going to be his/her class, I'd answer, "You know that the school sets the classes up. Luckily, you've had friends every year." I would never mention x or y won't be in your class. I have never mentioned - nor do my kids know - what the NNAT/CogAT were for, that there was an application, that there was some kind of decision, etc. The OP seems to be thinking she hasn't caused some of this angst in her child and she has.

[Anonymous]

If your child can't understand it, then your explanation is not clear. So just be clear and tell your child the truth.

I find it funny that parents are going on and on about how brilliant their children are, yet they somehow believe these brilliant children, with excellent critical thinking skills are somehow not going to be able to figure out what AAP is. How is it possible that parents think their kids should not be able to use their brilliant skills to figure out the situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child can't understand it, then your explanation is not clear. So just be clear and tell your child the truth.

I find it funny that parents are going on and on about how brilliant their children are, yet they somehow believe these brilliant children, with excellent critical thinking skills are somehow not going to be able to figure out what AAP is. How is it possible that parents think their kids should not be able to use their brilliant skills to figure out the situation?

Because they are still children with limited experience in the world. Being academically gifted doesn't make them mini adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child can't understand it, then your explanation is not clear. So just be clear and tell your child the truth.

I find it funny that parents are going on and on about how brilliant their children are, yet they somehow believe these brilliant children, with excellent critical thinking skills are somehow not going to be able to figure out what AAP is. How is it possible that parents think their kids should not be able to use their brilliant skills to figure out the situation?

My child is "highly gifted" per an IQ test...still believes in Santa and the tooth fairy. Your reasoning is flawed. It is dependent on what kids are told. Plenty of us are NOT advocating telling kids everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what I would say. I don't know who is going to be in your class each year (truth). It may change every year (truth). The school decides class placement (truth) so don't worry about it, you'll see get to see your friends. All true statements, and then plead ignorance of anything else.

This is what we told our kids too. The goal is to put each kid in the learning environment that best fits each child. (truth)

[Anonymous]

There is no need to mention anything to the kids if no school change is involved. Classroom composition changes every year, and no classroom will have an AAP label on the door, so why say anything? I have one in 4th grade AAP, and one is just admitted. I said nothing and pretend to know nothing about AAP. My older makes friends across classrooms and I expect my younger to be the same. That is just healthier.

[Anonymous]

Believe it or not, there are children who can handle the notion that they've been accepted into the program without making a big deal out of it or making their friends feel bad for not "getting in."

I can't imagine not telling my kids they are moving schools without telling them "why" they are moving....it's amazing to me the veil of secrecy that some of you demand or expect. Do you also not tell your kids that they made it on to the travel sports team, or the A team lacrosse? Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and if a child is good at school, they should *not* feel ashamed by that, which is what it seems a lot of the DCUMers feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Believe it or not, there are children who can handle the notion that they've been accepted into the program without making a big deal out of it or making their friends feel bad for not "getting in."

I can't imagine not telling my kids they are moving schools without telling them "why" they are moving....it's amazing to me the veil of secrecy that some of you demand or expect. Do you also not tell your kids that they made it on to the travel sports team, or the A team lacrosse? Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and if a child is good at school, they should *not* feel ashamed by that, which is what it seems a lot of the DCUMers feel.

This is my thought exactly.