DCUM Confessions

[Anonymous]

I concur.

Cosmo's Confessions column used to be a lot juicier AND definitely more scandalous.

Here's mine:
I am adopted as are my two siblings yet we were all raised together the majority of our lives. Zero blood relation and not very little love abounds.

A few years ago I finally got to meet my younger nephew Carson who is the son of my younger brother.

Beautiful baby blues + a nice ab pack.

I was crushing on him in my mind the following week.

I mean after all....He was H-O-T.

Enough said.

[Anonymous]

I am part of an illegal kitten juggling ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am part of an illegal kitten juggling ring.

OMG, I think I know you -- at least, in a roundabout way. I was at work last summer, wearing stockings over my hairy legs because it had recently gotten warm and I had just decided, what the hell, no one will notice. But as I took the metro to work, I couldn't help but notice people staring at my legs. It was like their eyes were all glazed over, holding onto the bar and staring off into space, when they would lite on my legs and their eyes would just kind of pop out and then there would be a bunch of uncontrollable staring. It made me really uncomfortable, to say the least. Then one of the "starers" sat down next to me and discreetly left a business card in my lap when he left the train at the Dupont Circle exit. It said, "We could use fuzzy kittens like you. Raorrrrrrrrrr, pfffffft." I was like, WTH? I left it on the seat when I left. Freak.

Anyway, when I got to work the receptionist's face turned pink and then turned to iron as she made a point of not looking at my legs. I was like, are they really that noticeable? So I went to the CVS and bought some cheap razors and went into the bathroom to shave. But what if someone else came in? I didn't want to be caught with one leg hoisted into the sink, shaving my legs. I just couldn't do it. Then I thought of the utility closet. Bingo! No one would find me in there. I went in and shut the door behind me. I pulled the string on the overhead bulb, but even so, it was so dark it took a while for my eyes to adjust. I could just make out the string mop, propped in a corner next to the plastic wagon-bucket thing with the million spray cleansers attached to it. I got a sudden vision of Margarita and her toothless obsequious smile and shuddered. I really need to tip her more this Christmas. Anyway, i took off my stockings -- where to put them? The floor was gross and I couldn't even think of my bare foot touching it, so I threw the stockings over one shoulder, leaned back and put my leg in the sink. Just then the door behind me silently opened and quickly shut. I felt two hands fondle by buttocks and


Oh, sorry, my boss just arrived. I've got to get back to work. I'll try to finish the story later.