Fake health issues for attention?

[Anonymous]

PP, thanks for your advice! OP here with an update. I basically did all that you said. Grabbed the keys and said we're going to the ER. Mom flipped out and said "no I'm better urgent care is fine." We went straight there. She whined about the wait. She got mad because they scheduled her to see a female nurse practitioner and she complained until they said she could see a (male) doctor. I walked away at that point. Doctor said it was just allergies and to take Zyrtec; i can only assume that she verbally beat on him or played him until he acquiesced to more because he also gave her a letter for the airline stating that she can't fly for 5 days (she was to leave 18 hrs after the urgent care visit) which doesn't make any sense to me, but I have zero medical training.

So that backfired on me in a huge way but I'm glad we lived this thing out so I don't repeat my mistakes in the future.

Doctor apparently said to eat light foods and liquids so when DH returns tonight we are ordering pizza, which she is really greedy about but refuses to order for herself because the neighbors will know she is eating pizza (?!). It will be too bad that she can't have any but DH "really needs a hearty meal", or so she always tells me; for once I will listen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother does this.

People who fake or play up illness do it in order to get "secondary gains." Secondary gains are attention and extras and not having to work or do chores.

Eliminate the secondary gains. Completely.

When your mom falls ill, she cannot watch TV, because that would be bad for her extremely delicate ill condition. She cannot have soda -- that would upset her stomach. She has to be driven RIGHT AWAY to the ER, by you, or an ambulance called RIGHT NOW. You will need to warn her that the closest ER or minute clinic has a wait time of at least three hours, but that's okay, because her illness is extremely grave and important. She doesn't want to go? Well, let's get her into bed right away then, with the lights out. No TV or books or snacks for someone as sick as she obviously is.

What, she's feeling better? Wonderful! What a miraculous recovery. You have a list of chores for her now that she's well. You'd like her to run to the grocery store since she's able to tolerate snacks. No? Well, then back to bed or immediately to the clinic.

Perhaps she'd be better off at home? You could understand that, her own doctor should really be attending to her.

This is the best response ever. I want to hear more examples!! Love it.

[Anonymous]

Your mom sounds like someone with a personality disorder. Call her out and blow it up, or remain silent yet tense. The choice is yours, but never give in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the suggestion! Will research. I was thinking that but always thought that referred to pretending a child was sick. I now realize that's actually called munchausen by proxy.

Grow up, OP. She most likely does not have munchausen by proxy b/c that's when the parent hurts the child for attention. Nor does she probably have Munchausen. It's extremely rare.

More than likely she has untreated anxiety, so like the kid who doesn't want to go to school fakes a tummy ache, your mom may feign illness when encountering a stressful situation.

Very confused why OP needs to grow up. You being rude just because you can? Is your reading comprehension so poor you don't understand what OP said? Maybe you should grow up and not pick on people for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom sounds like someone with a personality disorder. Call her out and blow it up, or remain silent yet tense. The choice is yours, but never give in.

That's a horrible way to deal with people and the issue at hand. You sound like a combative person.

[Anonymous]

OP: do you have any siblings that could share the crazy with you?

[Anonymous]

Lol I'm the one with a mil who professes depression on demand and if you made a big fuss over her, she would eat it up. Overreacting to her ailment is exactly what she wants. She knows that if you put her to bed then you will have to be quiet to so she is in control. If you take her to the emergency room then there will be ten more people to give her attention. If you deprive her of soda then she can tell others how adoring/concerned, hateful/depriving you are depending on the milage each label generates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, thanks for your advice! OP here with an update. I basically did all that you said. Grabbed the keys and said we're going to the ER. Mom flipped out and said "no I'm better urgent care is fine." We went straight there. She whined about the wait. She got mad because they scheduled her to see a female nurse practitioner and she complained until they said she could see a (male) doctor. I walked away at that point. Doctor said it was just allergies and to take Zyrtec; i can only assume that she verbally beat on him or played him until he acquiesced to more because he also gave her a letter for the airline stating that she can't fly for 5 days (she was to leave 18 hrs after the urgent care visit) which doesn't make any sense to me, but I have zero medical training.

So that backfired on me in a huge way but I'm glad we lived this thing out so I don't repeat my mistakes in the future.

Doctor apparently said to eat light foods and liquids so when DH returns tonight we are ordering pizza, which she is really greedy about but refuses to order for herself because the neighbors will know she is eating pizza (?!). It will be too bad that she can't have any but DH "really needs a hearty meal", or so she always tells me; for once I will listen!

OMG, this has totally happened to me. Im literally laughing out loud right now, but I feel bad for you. My mom also does this shit. Usually she develops a kidney stone or something the day before she is supposed to leave and has to go to the hospital and then can't leave for an extra week. It sucks. I'm going with a personality disorder too.

[Anonymous]

OP with a follow up: no siblings, no other surviving relatives of my mother's generation. kidney stone daughter, I'm glad you are laughing and understand. I like to think you're the the kind of person in a hospital waiting room who always shares the good gossip magazines with strangers.

DH is home and and we are up late and still laughing too after she gave him a breathless recitation of the "protocol" she's on (Zyrtec & saline spray). Anyway, apparently the doctor prescribed mashed potatoes during day 2 of her recovery, and I was dispatched to Whole Foods to find them, but DH reminded her that she'd already said that the doctor said starch and dairy were off-limits. I do not think she enjoyed her chicken broth dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the suggestion! Will research. I was thinking that but always thought that referred to pretending a child was sick. I now realize that's actually called munchausen by proxy.

That's a different one, called M. by proxy.

Obviously, the internets can't diagnose your mother. Usually, the manifest bitchiness is the sign of underslying issues, but who really cares about the deeply-rooted cause? If your mom doesn't, you shouldn't worry either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother does this.

People who fake or play up illness do it in order to get "secondary gains." Secondary gains are attention and extras and not having to work or do chores.

Eliminate the secondary gains. Completely.

When your mom falls ill, she cannot watch TV, because that would be bad for her extremely delicate ill condition. She cannot have soda -- that would upset her stomach. She has to be driven RIGHT AWAY to the ER, by you, or an ambulance called RIGHT NOW. You will need to warn her that the closest ER or minute clinic has a wait time of at least three hours, but that's okay, because her illness is extremely grave and important. She doesn't want to go? Well, let's get her into bed right away then, with the lights out. No TV or books or snacks for someone as sick as she obviously is.

What, she's feeling better? Wonderful! What a miraculous recovery. You have a list of chores for her now that she's well. You'd like her to run to the grocery store since she's able to tolerate snacks. No? Well, then back to bed or immediately to the clinic.

Perhaps she'd be better off at home? You could understand that, her own doctor should really be attending to her.

Right. Except you can't do this with an adult

[Anonymous]

OP, my mom seemed to be doing this. In her mid-40s, she began complaining about being too tired to do anything. She would come home from work and go right to the sofa. My dad complained that they never did anything with friends anymore, and she also didn't seem to care about any of her kids' events, just her own "fatigue" and grumpiness. She went to her GP a lot and was prescribed antidepressants.

But then one day she collapsed and died. It turned out that she had myocardial fibrosis that was so severe that a doctor later told my dad he was shocked that she was still able to go to work and live a "normal" life. I will never forgive myself for being such a bitch to my mom in her last years, when it must have been so terrible for her to be tired and not herself, and not to know why, and to be criticized for her behavior. I would advise you to have a full heart checkup on your mom to be sure. My dad was told after my mom died that her condition would only have been detectable if "we were actually looking for it", but we were also told that heart disease is the number one killer of middle aged women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom seemed to be doing this. In her mid-40s, she began complaining about being too tired to do anything. She would come home from work and go right to the sofa. My dad complained that they never did anything with friends anymore, and she also didn't seem to care about any of her kids' events, just her own "fatigue" and grumpiness. She went to her GP a lot and was prescribed antidepressants.

But then one day she collapsed and died. It turned out that she had myocardial fibrosis that was so severe that a doctor later told my dad he was shocked that she was still able to go to work and live a "normal" life. I will never forgive myself for being such a bitch to my mom in her last years, when it must have been so terrible for her to be tired and not herself, and not to know why, and to be criticized for her behavior. I would advise you to have a full heart checkup on your mom to be sure. My dad was told after my mom died that her condition would only have been detectable if "we were actually looking for it", but we were also told that heart disease is the number one killer of middle aged women.

There's a huge difference between fatigue and sudden dramatic illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom does this too. My armchair diagnosis is that she is fucking nuts, and a colossal pain in the ass.

+1 You do not need a diagnosos to take action: mom this is not a good time to visit.

[Anonymous]

My mom doesn't get "sick" per se but she does somehow cause a lot of drama on the days of big events. She always has some big problem with something and doesn't stop until everyone is upset.