separation vs. "trial" separation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is a "Legal Separation" per 13:16's distinction a document about the period and terms of being separated (pre-divorce), or is it about the terms of divorce. For example, I can see in a Legal Separation stipulating one party will pay for upkeep of the home, or we will split upkeep of the traditional home. But that might not be what is in a divorce decree. The question, then, is do people write agreements about the separation period - who drives Suzy to school, etc. - or is that seen as spurious? And does whatever might be written into an agreement about the separation period be presumed to carry over to the divorce period?

It kind of depends. If you are separating when you are pretty sure you are going to divorce, you draft the agreement, hopefully with legal representation, and if it covers all the necessary bases, it can be later merged into the divorce decree.

Even if you aren't pretty sure about divorce, I would think if you are going to bother with an agreement, you'd want it to cover the major bases--property, debt, support, custody. All that stuff that will get sticky fast if you didn't figure it out before separating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is a "Legal Separation" per 13:16's distinction a document about the period and terms of being separated (pre-divorce), or is it about the terms of divorce. For example, I can see in a Legal Separation stipulating one party will pay for upkeep of the home, or we will split upkeep of the traditional home. But that might not be what is in a divorce decree. The question, then, is do people write agreements about the separation period - who drives Suzy to school, etc. - or is that seen as spurious? And does whatever might be written into an agreement about the separation period be presumed to carry over to the divorce period?

IANAL - I would highly recommend anyone preparing for a separation or a divorce consult a real lawyer. I am @13:16, and I have been through this.

In Both VA and MD (and I believe DC), in order to obtain a divorce decree from the chancery, you must be "legally separated" for a period of time: 6 months if no children; 12 months if there are children. This may be what some people on here are referring to as a "legal separation". Although a PSA (property settlement agreement) may be part of that, it has more to do with meeting certain criteria to be considered separated by the court. You cannot simply go into court and say "I've been sleeping on the couch or in the garage for six months, so we're separated". Some people do remain in the same house - for economic reasons mostly - but the hurdles for establishing "legal separation" are much higher - they likely do need a PSA. Generally, living apart (having proof like utility bills, lease, etc.) establishes that you are in fact separated. What the court seems (in a throwback to Olden Days) to really care about here is: are you still sharing a bed (having sex).

Now...there are penalties for just up and leaving. There's an argument that someone can be granted an at-fault (with different consequences regarding the disposition of joint property) divorce instead of a no-fault divorce. Grounds are things like adultery or abandonment. If you just up and "disappear" (leave) then it can be considered abandonment. Having a legal contract spelling out how your assets will be divvied up - before you leave - is a great way to establish (in the eyes of the court) that you didn't just "abandon", that the separation was planned. It helps start the clock running on the period of the separation.

Yes, you may have different terms in the initial separation agreement from what is in the Property Settlement Agreement. It would make sense that if one spouse is going to remain in the joint home until the divorce is final or the home is sold, that the terms of who pays for upkeep, insurance, property taxes, etc., be spelled out for that period, even if the final PSA calls for the home to be sold and the proceeds divided. In my case, and most of the cases I'm familiar with, there was no need for a different separation agreement - PSA and custody - to be spelled out. I didn't have kids, and we simply continued with the bills as things were. But we both had incomes. I can see where, if you have kids, and you are leaving, you might want your visitation rights worked out in advance, and further, if your stbx is SAH and has no source of income, where you might have to continue to carry the household costs for your former home in the short term.

[Anonymous]

I'm 17:24 and, yes, I was confused between Legal Separation and a Separation Agreement. However, a separation agreement is really just the beginning of a true Property Settlement Agreement for a divorce. It surely isn't required for a separation.

My ex moved out at my request after he cheated. There was never any talk about him not getting part of the proceeds from the house because he left. There's a lot of hyped up bullshit that you hear from people who've seen the divorce process played out on Lifetime Movies.

Obviously, everyone should consult a lawyer. There is a lot of misinformation or misleading information online and specifically on DCUM. However, there is some pretty great information and insight at times, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many a child has been conceived outside the marriage during a separation...

Yup. One of my friends had a supposed "oops" baby while she was dating someone who was separated. I think it was partially to make sure the divorce went through.....

Exactly, this is pretty common. With good birth control there really aren't any oops babies, rather planned babies.

Either stay together or get divorced and then date. Immature people playing games imo.

[Anonymous]

OP there's a book called should I stay or go that has a contract for a controlled separation, maybe that's what you want? You agree to things like how you'll spend money, how often you'll talk, if you'll date, that sort if stuff. The book wasn't really worth reading but the contract was good.