Moving on from unrequited love

[Anonymous]

It's disgusting to read this crap especially when the person is MARRIED.

It's not the posters that are assholes!

[Anonymous]

I'm there too. Texting somebody from work daily for months and months. Like can't stop thinking about him, even though there are many reasons why I should. We are close friends, but nothing more. Some days are easier, but I still find myself happiest when we are communicating. Probably best to just cut it off for a long, long time.

[Anonymous]

OP, only time apart will do the trick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very similar story here. In my case, it was more of a full blown emotional affair, although she would never admit to that. I "broke up" with her last summer, and for a LONG while, I would think about her multiple times per day. Man did that totally suck! Now, after 9 months, I probably still have imaginary conversations in my head with her a couple times per week.

At this rate, it could be a few years before I am fully "over" her.

16:41 here and just had to say I'm so glad I'm not the only one having imaginary conversations with them! I thought I was nuts, but whenever something cool happens he's the first person I want to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's disgusting to read this crap especially when the person is MARRIED.

It's not the posters that are assholes!

Right, because married people never unintentionally develop feelings for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very similar story here. In my case, it was more of a full blown emotional affair, although she would never admit to that. I "broke up" with her last summer, and for a LONG while, I would think about her multiple times per day. Man did that totally suck! Now, after 9 months, I probably still have imaginary conversations in my head with her a couple times per week.

At this rate, it could be a few years before I am fully "over" her.

16:41 here and just had to say I'm so glad I'm not the only one having imaginary conversations with them! I thought I was nuts, but whenever something cool happens he's the first person I want to tell.

I do the imaginary conversation too. Scary.

[Anonymous]

It takes time, but you can help it along. Think about what kind of life you really want. For me, it was realizing I'd spent years investing my emotions in someone that wasn't fully in. I'm not calling you this, but seeing that I was behaving kind of pathetic actually helped me snap out of it. I wasn't living the life I wanted, and I didn't want to keep living the unhappy one I was.

So, if I wasn't going to be happy with him, I was going to be happy without him, and so I made changes to that effect. When I wanted to talk to him, I talked to someone else - as a result, the relationships with the other people deepened. Not just romantic, either. Friendships deepened, I got closer with family. It's true that the grass is greenest where you water it. The more effort that you expend on things other than him, the more rewarding those things become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It takes time, but you can help it along. Think about what kind of life you really want. For me, it was realizing I'd spent years investing my emotions in someone that wasn't fully in. I'm not calling you this, but seeing that I was behaving kind of pathetic actually helped me snap out of it. I wasn't living the life I wanted, and I didn't want to keep living the unhappy one I was.

So, if I wasn't going to be happy with him, I was going to be happy without him, and so I made changes to that effect. When I wanted to talk to him, I talked to someone else - as a result, the relationships with the other people deepened. Not just romantic, either. Friendships deepened, I got closer with family. It's true that the grass is greenest where you water it. The more effort that you expend on things other than him, the more rewarding those things become.

NP here. This is great advice-- I'm in the same boat as some of the other PPs and struggling with knowing I should let it go but not wanting to. I've been having this relationship largely in my head, and every time I try to pull away emotionally, he'll send a text,or stop by my office, and I get such a rush and get sucked back in. There is no future with him, I know. We're both married, have kids, outside interests, generally happy. But pouring all this energy into him takes away from my family and makes me someone I don't want to be (when I'm being rational).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm there too. Texting somebody from work daily for months and months. Like can't stop thinking about him, even though there are many reasons why I should. We are close friends, but nothing more. Some days are easier, but I still find myself happiest when we are communicating. Probably best to just cut it off for a long, long time.

Same scenario here. Trying to wean off.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is no such thing as unrequited love, because what you feel is not love. Or maybe you are in love, but not with the man, whom you admittedly don't know well enough to love. You are experiencing a crush, a physical attraction heated by your active imagination. It won't take much time to get over, trust me. These things get old quicker than people aticipate. Now, if you're having marital difficulties, that's another can of worms, and you should approach it as such. Don't mix your real and your virtual realities

What causes you pain is thwarted wanting. The very same emotion that throws a three-year-old on the floor in the middle of a toy store when you refuse to buy him the toy he desperately wants right now. (BTW, he'll play with is for like 10 minutes and be done for good. That's another reason I like this analogy )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:imagine him sitting on the pot with recurring horrible diarrhea and farting up a storm - but he wasn't able exactly to make it to the bathroom in time and has left a mess in his shorts that you now need to clean up.

keep this image emblazoned in your mind and think of it every time you see him.

you're welcome.

Man here, I have never understood this. While I get that a man/woman ill with the runs isn't sexy, does it really make someone universally and permanently unattractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine him sitting on the pot with recurring horrible diarrhea and farting up a storm - but he wasn't able exactly to make it to the bathroom in time and has left a mess in his shorts that you now need to clean up.

keep this image emblazoned in your mind and think of it every time you see him.

you're welcome.

Man here, I have never understood this. While I get that a man/woman ill with the runs isn't sexy, does it really make someone universally and permanently unattractive?

Woman here. Not for me. Imagining someone doing normal, though unpleasant bodily functions does not gross me out. I'm also a doctor. So the human condition is not something that I find unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine him sitting on the pot with recurring horrible diarrhea and farting up a storm - but he wasn't able exactly to make it to the bathroom in time and has left a mess in his shorts that you now need to clean up.

keep this image emblazoned in your mind and think of it every time you see him.

you're welcome.

Man here, I have never understood this. While I get that a man/woman ill with the runs isn't sexy, does it really make someone universally and permanently unattractive?

What I don't understand is why OP is expected to clean up them sh*tty shorts!? The man has no hands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:imagine him sitting on the pot with recurring horrible diarrhea and farting up a storm - but he wasn't able exactly to make it to the bathroom in time and has left a mess in his shorts that you now need to clean up.

keep this image emblazoned in your mind and think of it every time you see him.

you're welcome.

Man here, I have never understood this. While I get that a man/woman ill with the runs isn't sexy, does it really make someone universally and permanently unattractive?

What I don't understand is why OP is expected to clean up them sh*tty shorts!? The man has no hands?

For someone you fit with and love, helping them out when their body fails them is an honor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's disgusting to read this crap especially when the person is MARRIED.

It's not the posters that are assholes!

Right, because married people never unintentionally develop feelings for others.

LOL Unintentionally? If you can't control yourself stay single then.