A babysitter with an alcoholic for a mom

[Anonymous]

I'm sure if you could ask everyone you knew, you would find that many successful adults, including many successful parents, had parents who were alcoholics.
Don't judge us on our parents' behavior, but on our own.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the "bet that she's more responsible than many other kids as a result" camp. Especially if she's the oldest child.

- speaking as one (oldest, daughter of addict, babysitter, lifelong compulsive over compensator in terms of perfectionism and competence)

[Anonymous]

Don't let the winds of the mother . . . (equality and all).

[Anonymous]

Sins! Not winds! Damn!

[Anonymous]

I am the child of an alcoholic and schizophrenic. I was definitely the most grown-up responsible child around. I had to be. I had to look after myself. I started babysitting at age 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone here grow up with an alcoholic as a parent, or know someone who did? Wondering what that does to your emotional health. And well, if it impairs your ability to care for children.
I am thinking of hiring this high school student who lives in our block. But I'm 80% sure the mom is an alcoholic. Bad idea?

I think it is a bad idea for you to hire anyone who isn't insured and bonded, since you are worried about the emotional health of a teenager. Have you ever met a teenager? Pay $30 with White House Nannies and rest your pretty head.

Glad there will be other people in the world who will not judge children this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, this girl might be even more responsible than her peers without alcoholic parents. That legacy causes people to adapt in different ways. Judge her based on who she is and how she performs.

This was my first thought, too. OP, are you afraid the drunk mother will come over while her daughter is babysitting, or what's your concern exactly?

Plus 1. What is the problem here.?

[Anonymous]

Op here and thanks for the feedback. I'm not judging the sitter by her alcoholic mom- I was only asking if you thought that family situation might affect her ability to care for my children. That's all. And it looks like the answer is no. And according to many, it may even make her an even better qualified sitter.

I wonder if it would be concerning to you if you knew your babysitter came from a very abusive home. Not the same as an alcoholic mom, but you get the idea. However, I also get that asking the question might have seemed a bit insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here and thanks for the feedback. I'm not judging the sitter by her alcoholic mom- I was only asking if you thought that family situation might affect her ability to care for my children. That's all. And it looks like the answer is no. And according to many, it may even make her an even better qualified sitter.

I wonder if it would be concerning to you if you knew your babysitter came from a very abusive home. Not the same as an alcoholic mom, but you get the idea. However, I also get that asking the question might have seemed a bit insensitive.

Do you have a problem getting to know a person before you ask them to take responsibility for your child?

Don't be so lazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, this girl might be even more responsible than her peers without alcoholic parents. That legacy causes people to adapt in different ways. Judge her based on who she is and how she performs.

This. Sadly.

Agree. My mom is an alcoholic and I was responsible for myself very early on. And I worked with kids because I thought every kid deserved a stable, kind, influence in their lives and I wanted to make myself available to be that person.

+1 I think the children compensate and often become extremely responsibly as they have craved order and stability for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, this girl might be even more responsible than her peers without alcoholic parents. That legacy causes people to adapt in different ways. Judge her based on who she is and how she performs.

This. Sadly.

Yes. My father is an alcoholic. I was the go-to babysitter in our neighborhood. I was resourceful, calm in the face of meltdowns, and hell-bent on making a good impression and having a decent reputation. My daddy issues were a blessing to everyone but me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, this girl might be even more responsible than her peers without alcoholic parents. That legacy causes people to adapt in different ways. Judge her based on who she is and how she performs.

This. Sadly.

Yes. My father is an alcoholic. I was the go-to babysitter in our neighborhood. I was resourceful, calm in the face of meltdowns, and hell-bent on making a good impression and having a decent reputation. My daddy issues were a blessing to everyone but me.

+1. Exactly me, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, this girl might be even more responsible than her peers without alcoholic parents. That legacy causes people to adapt in different ways. Judge her based on who she is and how she performs.

This. I grew up with an alcoholic parent. It only made me more responsible because I knew I only had myself to rely on. Plus I was determined to not repeat that pattern. I have two kids now. It didn't negatively impact my ability to care for them or any children I babysat for as a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question is crazy to me but I am going to answer because I grew up with an alcoholic father and babysat throughout high school. His alcoholism effected me in many ways, but not in my ability to care for children. I personally loved the opportunity to get out of the house and make money.

1) you don't know/have proof if her mother is an alcholic.
2) why does it even matter (judging her before she has even babysat your kid is ridiculous)
3) give her a chance- it may end up being a wonderful relationship for your kids, for her, and maybe even you.

She is the mother her #1 responsibility is the wealthfare of her kids, even if it's unfair or comes across judgy that is why it matters.

OP I think the alcoholic has the issues, the teenager is a victim of it but not the addict here so her abilities should be fine. If anything she is probably more responsible than most of her mother wasn't taking care of her. I think she should be fine

[Anonymous]

Unless you have reason to believe that her mom would come over and interfere with the babysitting, I don't understand why you are concerned. Her mother's issues should otherwise have nothing to do with her ability to babysit.