Woman who married older man - pros/cons

[Anonymous]

Never, ever, never, ever. My mom was 17 years younger than my dad. He literally killed her because she had to take care of him when he was old.

I feel sorry for you OP to think this is the best you can do. Don't rob yourself of a good/full life. Do you really want to take care of someone in their old age?

[Anonymous]

Having taken care of sick parents in my fifties, I can say just how difficult that is on someone in their relative prime.

Of course you are happy now, dating is about fun. Unfortunately, marriage is about duty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having taken care of sick parents in my fifties, I can say just how difficult that is on someone in their relative prime.

Of course you are happy now, dating is about fun. Unfortunately, marriage is about duty.

+1000. Unless you can hire a lot of help, it is extremely taxing and depressing. Your love will turn into resentment.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. You are just coming into your prime. He's leaving his.

I'm 50; my father is 22 years older than I am. Just, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You are just coming into your prime. He's leaving his.

I'm 50; my father is 22 years older than I am. Just, no.

your father?

Or do you mean your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You are just coming into your prime. He's leaving his.

I'm 50; my father is 22 years older than I am. Just, no.

your father?

Or do you mean your husband?

Paging Dr. Freud!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You are just coming into your prime. He's leaving his.

I'm 50; my father is 22 years older than I am. Just, no.

your father?

Or do you mean your husband?

My father. He is 72 to my 50. Had I married, at 38, someone who was 58 (as OP is contemplating), I'd have been marrying someone my father's age. (When I was 38, he was 60.) Do I want, at 50, to be married to one of my father peers? Are you smoking crack? Love my dad to death, and he's in great shape. But he's **72.** I am 50. The gulf is wide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You are just coming into your prime. He's leaving his.

I'm 50; my father is 22 years older than I am. Just, no.

your father?

Or do you mean your husband?

My father. He is 72 to my 50. Had I married, at 38, someone who was 58 (as OP is contemplating), I'd have been marrying someone my father's age. (When I was 38, he was 60.) Do I want, at 50, to be married to one of my father peers? Are you smoking crack? Love my dad to death, and he's in great shape. But he's **72.** I am 50. The gulf is wide.

Oooookay thanks for that non sequitur

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You are just coming into your prime. He's leaving his.

I'm 50; my father is 22 years older than I am. Just, no.

your father?

Or do you mean your husband?

My father. He is 72 to my 50. Had I married, at 38, someone who was 58 (as OP is contemplating), I'd have been marrying someone my father's age. (When I was 38, he was 60.) Do I want, at 50, to be married to one of my father peers? Are you smoking crack? Love my dad to death, and he's in great shape. But he's **72.** I am 50. The gulf is wide.

oh! Thank God you clarified!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's not as much older than that...but I will warn you, the pluses are all on the front end of the relationship: more established, more mature, etc. The minuses all come later, and not as much later as you'd think. Eldercare is not for the faint of heart, especially if you also have your own aging parents to help with. It definitely forecloses options - I did not realize to what extent when we married.

This exactly. I have a theory that marrying an older man ages the younger one instantly. You have to spend far more time compromising - especially around issues of comfort like where you live, how you spend your free time, - b/c you are younger and more vital. I would not do it again.

[Anonymous]

I married someone 25+ years my senior. Married 15 years with two kids. It is definitely a very different path from my peers. I am further ahead professionally and financially then they are. Already dealing with aging parents when that is a few years out for them. DH is still in good shape but a few health issues starting to crop up. But we went in with eyes open - estate is settled, long term care purchased, we have plans for me making some changes with work in the next 10 years. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You are just coming into your prime. He's leaving his.

Nah. She is about to leave her prime. It is about even from the "prime" standpoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. There is a very steep decline in health in the 60-70 range. You will be his nurse. It's not fun and it does not stop till he is dead.

Agree. My parents are so much more frail now in their 70s. Even if your boyfriend's dad is healthy in his 80s it doesn't guarantee that he will be like that too. Plus I doubt that your boyfriend's dad tells you about every ailment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You are just coming into your prime. He's leaving his.

Nah. She is about to leave her prime. It is about even from the "prime" standpoint.

Only in the land of misogyny, where you clearly dwell.

[Anonymous]

Well, after being married to my husband (who's 14 years older) for the last 5 years, I'd not been too worried about how much older he is than me. Thanks for this thread... :/