I wish my church could just let me attend, no strings

[Anonymous]

I think just about all churches require background checks for child/youth volunteers these days. Our Litheran one certainly does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have stopped attending church because I can't bear the obligations that come with it. I am stretched thin right now and feel like I am hanging on by a thread. But when I put the kids in the daycare/bible school during the service, I then get endless emails asking me to sign up to teach a bible lesson/volunteer. They send soand emails, saying they are in a bind.
I get it. They need volunteers. You can't just take and not give. I am always someone who volunteers. But we are having quite the rough patch. We are headed to divorce. It's awful.
I tried just not putting the kids in, and keeping them in the service, but the 2 year of was noisy and no one else keeps their kids in there.
My husband will NOT volunteer and does not care how many times they ask. The emails, though, come only to me, of course.
So I just stopped going.
And I wish I didn't have to, cause I do need it right now.

I'm Presbyterian. Why don't you just be honest? Tell someone, like the Pastor or the Sunday School coordinator, what is going on? You don't even have to say it's divorce, just that you are in a bad patch. ALso if they aer sending emails to the whole congregation, I'm not sure why you are taking them personally. If they are singling you out in an email, then be honest and direct.

Also, in our church, we volunteer like once a year for a 4 week stretch.

[Anonymous]

Don't know where you live, but Fairfax Community doesn't do that. Casual, don't have to be a member, or volunteer. Kids love it.

[Anonymous]

Op why not ask your church for marriage counseling? Churches have much to offer if you ask.

Oh and on the Catholic Church thing- I never attended one that had daycare for kids.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. They are desperately seeking volunteers and are reaching out, but have they directly told you you can't go if you don't volunteer? It doesn't seem so. I would bet they would completely understand that some people just aren't in a position to help. But they know many others are and need to push to do it. Just ignore the emails and keep going as usual. If anyone ever pressured about it simply say that your life doesn't allow for volunteering much now but you hope to do it later. Of course you could also look into other ways you could help if you really felt called to.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are total introverts. The only way we could keep going to church was to find a huge congregation where no one would notice if we lived or died and it works great.

My churchgoing mom could not believe we didn't have a line of people from church to help us when I had a recent health scare, but I like it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, as a PP notes, a Catholic Church would be so much better. I was raised catholic. You just bring the kids, wear your jeans, leave early, whatever.
But we go to a Presbyterian church and you dress up and put the kids in the bible school/child care.
It's different

My Catholic parish isn't like that. We are asked to give time, talent, or treasure as we are able. Even young kids are expected to chip in. I had a long health crisis and was really grateful for all the types of help I got. As I grow stronger, I am starting to do whatever I can, even just making a phone tree call.

However, you can speak to your pastor about the divorce and explain you are stretched too thin right now. He doesn't want to break you after all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op why not ask your church for marriage counseling? Churches have much to offer if you ask.

Oh and on the Catholic Church thing- I never attended one that had daycare for kids.

Generally, Catholics expect children to attend Mass. Our parish has a Children's Liturgy 3 Sundays a month, but it's not babysitting. The kids 3-10 are read a simpler version of the scriptures and then have a lesson and craft related to the homily. The Sunday School teachers run it, not teens and grandmothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. They are desperately seeking volunteers and are reaching out, but have they directly told you you can't go if you don't volunteer? It doesn't seem so. I would bet they would completely understand that some people just aren't in a position to help. But they know many others are and need to push to do it. Just ignore the emails and keep going as usual. If anyone ever pressured about it simply say that your life doesn't allow for volunteering much now but you hope to do it later. Of course you could also look into other ways you could help if you really felt called to.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you are going through a rough patch right now. I agree with PP 22:39. You don't need to give details but I suggest just being honest and say that while you really like to volunteer, you are going through a rough patch right now and really cannot. If you say this once or twice firmly, the church should respect that.
I wish you the best, OP.

I agree you should tell them. However, the automated emails will probably not stop if they're sent out to everyone. You will just feel better about ignoring them!

Also want to comment on the Catholic thing - in France, my home country, people dress up very nicely for Sunday service and everyone is on their best behavior. What PPs describe may be the Catholic Church here, but it's not the Catholic Church everywhere!

It is not the Catholic church everywhere here either.

However, Catholic churches here don't pressure you to volunteer or tithe, do try to encourage families to keep their kids in the pews with them (even if they make a little noise) and aren't terribly concerned with what people are wearing. You will see everything from kids in soccer uniforms going to mass on their way to a tournament, to suits and ties to workers clothing. Most of the people will be in dressy casual clothing (slacks and polos for the men and skirts/pants for the women).

THey will pressure you to put your kids in Catechism, though and be baptized as Catholic -- so unless you are ready to convert, you should avoid going to a Catholic church

Nah. Just pick a large one and you'll be fine

[Anonymous]

I go to a small church and volunteer a lot, and I am also in the position of asking for volunteers a lot. We rely on members pitching in or we wouldn't survive, and the same few people do most of the work anyway. Of course, I would much rather someone tell me honestly they are going through a hard time or that they have other commitments than have someone ignore the emails or, worse yet, stop coming entirely. I have had several people explain why they can't help in a certain way right now and we always respect that and understand. I've done it myself before. Just be honest.

That said, we have people who use the church daycare room routinely yet never respond to requests for help and that does bother me, I'll admit. It probably wouldn't if I knew why, or if the pastor told me there was a reason.

[Anonymous]

I heard this stats once:

20% of the people in the congregation do 80% of the work.

I hear you OP. I used to volunteer a lot, and it drained me. They just kept asking for more and more commitment.

I left that church and didn't go for a while. I found a larger church which has many volunteers who do small stretches. Much more manageable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you are going through a rough patch right now. I agree with PP 22:39. You don't need to give details but I suggest just being honest and say that while you really like to volunteer, you are going through a rough patch right now and really cannot. If you say this once or twice firmly, the church should respect that.
I wish you the best, OP.

I agree you should tell them. However, the automated emails will probably not stop if they're sent out to everyone. You will just feel better about ignoring them!

Also want to comment on the Catholic thing - in France, my home country, people dress up very nicely for Sunday service and everyone is on their best behavior. What PPs describe may be the Catholic Church here, but it's not the Catholic Church everywhere!

It is not the Catholic church everywhere here either.

However, Catholic churches here don't pressure you to volunteer or tithe, do try to encourage families to keep their kids in the pews with them (even if they make a little noise) and aren't terribly concerned with what people are wearing. You will see everything from kids in soccer uniforms going to mass on their way to a tournament, to suits and ties to workers clothing. Most of the people will be in dressy casual clothing (slacks and polos for the men and skirts/pants for the women).

THey will pressure you to put your kids in Catechism, though and be baptized as Catholic -- so unless you are ready to convert, you should avoid going to a Catholic church

Nah. Just pick a large one and you'll be fine

Nah - all Catholic churches, , irrespective of size, are the same about wanting to make more Catholics.

[Anonymous]

Back to OPs question, maybe try to find a larger parish?

The Catholic churches in this area are packed. Because they are so large, there is not as much push for volunteers. They welcome help, but there is not a constant stream of requests. Also, kids stay with their parents during Mass so ther is not a need to have you take your turn in the nursery.

When we were stationed in a southern state where most people were Baptists of some sort, our Catholic parish was tiny and as a result needed more help from volunteers.

Both the large and small parishes have benefits and drawbacks.

It seems in this area, tue mainstream protestant churches are all on the smaller size, and as a result have many of the issues you mentioned in your oriinal post.

Based on your comment about the nursery, I am assuming you are protestant and not Catholic. So perhaps, if you want the faith recharge without the need for you to chip in, have you thought about looking at one of the bigger or mega churches? They are the type of protestant church in this area that seems to be bigger than the Catholic churches, so maybe they will be similar in that you can attend without being asked to do extra.

You would also get your spiritual needs met without being in as much of a fishbowl as you are in smaller churches.

I hope you find your place where you can connect with God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard this stats once:

20% of the people in the congregation do 80% of the work.

I hear you OP. I used to volunteer a lot, and it drained me. [b]They just kept asking for more and more commitment.

I left that church and didn't go for a while. I found a larger church which has many volunteers who do small stretches. Much more manageable.

But this is just what OP's church is trying to avoid- by getting more volunteers so the same people aren't doing everything. If they didn't reach out and ask new people (even if those people decline as in OP's case) they would just be spinning their wheels.

I honestly see no harm in reaching out. Many people need to be directly asked before they step up to lend a hand.