How do you deal with a high drama family?

[Anonymous]

I have a high drama family, with parents and four adult siblings with families all living in the same smallish town. It sucks. The drama in my family is less overt and more along the lines of "the drama triangle" "theory of family dysfunction. Once I understood all of the roles, and which ones I played (thank you lots of therapy), I disengaged entirely from "the game." Of course, the result was a lot of unhappiness from many family members, but it's been so worth it. I keep a lot of distance now and don't let myself get sucked back in. For instance, I go to family Sunday dinners about once a month instead of every week. I decline to engage in conversations that are drama triangle related. It was REALLY hard to learn to love my family from a healthy distance (everyone is so enmeshed, and I was too), but has been really worth it for my overall wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a high drama family, with parents and four adult siblings with families all living in the same smallish town. It sucks. The drama in my family is less overt and more along the lines of "the drama triangle" "theory of family dysfunction. Once I understood all of the roles, and which ones I played (thank you lots of therapy), I disengaged entirely from "the game." Of course, the result was a lot of unhappiness from many family members, but it's been so worth it. I keep a lot of distance now and don't let myself get sucked back in. For instance, I go to family Sunday dinners about once a month instead of every week. I decline to engage in conversations that are drama triangle related. It was REALLY hard to learn to love my family from a healthy distance (everyone is so enmeshed, and I was too), but has been really worth it for my overall wellbeing.

man. i wish my dh could see this perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a high drama family, with parents and four adult siblings with families all living in the same smallish town. It sucks. The drama in my family is less overt and more along the lines of "the drama triangle" "theory of family dysfunction. Once I understood all of the roles, and which ones I played (thank you lots of therapy), I disengaged entirely from "the game." Of course, the result was a lot of unhappiness from many family members, but it's been so worth it. I keep a lot of distance now and don't let myself get sucked back in. For instance, I go to family Sunday dinners about once a month instead of every week. I decline to engage in conversations that are drama triangle related. It was REALLY hard to learn to love my family from a healthy distance (everyone is so enmeshed, and I was too), but has been really worth it for my overall wellbeing.

man. i wish my dh could see this perspective.

I couldn't see it for a LONG time. In this family dynamic, it's very common for there to be a "golden child" and a "black sheep" and I was "golden" for my whole life - what was not to like about it? (There were plenty of things at the time, but I couldn't see them at all.) Then I had a (very challenging) baby of my own and couldn't be everything everyone wanted me to be to them any more, and I quickly became the "black sheep." I was so thrown off by how easily I was thrown under the bus by people I thought loved me, and became really depressed for about a year, which is what got me in therapy. I learned a lot about how my family operated, and what my roles had been and how they had changed, and how (and why) to disengage. That was a long and painful process too, accepting it and making the changes in myself. I would never have been prompted to do that if I hadn't been suddenly treated like shit after a lifetime of being totally favored. It was a blessing in disguise though, truly.