How to help 11yo son not cry?

[Anonymous]

Teasing by big brother should not be allowed. Get the audio "The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting" by Brene Brown - so worth it and includes a section on sibling relationships.

Crying at home absolutely should be allowed.

[Anonymous]

Start with whooping the big brother's ass? That will help.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's that unusual for an 11 year old boy to cry. I have a 13 year old DS who has always been quick to tears. He has matured a lot in the past 2 years. He may cry at home if he gets disciplined or gets into a fight with a sibling, but at school or elsewhere, it has only happened very occasionally - twice that I can think of in the past year... once when he got a grade he didn't feel was fair (and he discretely left the classroom), and another time when he was already not feeling well and had a rather minor injury on the ballfield.

I think if your DS knows it's ok to express emotions and that everyone does it in different ways, that's most important. If crying in front of others bothers him, which it most likely will eventually, if it doesn't already, help him come up with a plan - to excuse himself, or take some deep breaths, or squeeze his hands together, so help him get past the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start with whooping the big brother's ass? That will help.

It will certainly help the big brother build up anger & resentment that he takes out on his little brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crying is good for you.

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with crying in the privacy of your own home?

Anonymous wrote:If your son is only crying at home, and not in public, then I don't see the problem. He's upset. Tears are a way of both expressing that and managing it. I always feel better after I cry.

You can try to help him see that crying when his siblings tease him only makes them tease him more, and so he can try not to cry in front of them, as a strategy, but please don't teach him not to cry or that crying is something to be ashamed of.

Anonymous wrote:This. He feels safe at home, and this he's a preteen. Let him get it out. Nothing wrong with crying.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!

You are ALL WRONG!

You are doing your sons NO FAVORS with this kind of talk!

Teach them that MEN DO NOT CRY. Period. Not even at home. Doing so only earns contempt, not sympathy.

You know very well that if your husband cried in the privacy of your home, you would not say "oh no problem, nothing wrong, no shame in crying." You would despise him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your son is only crying at home, and not in public, then I don't see the problem. He's upset. Tears are a way of both expressing that and managing it. I always feel better after I cry.

NP here. My kids are younger so I can't speak to the sibling dynamics. But I see where there could be a problem. Crying is what many of us do when we are overwhelmed, or unable to talk our way through/out of a situation. Kids with fewer verbal or other coping skills sometimes become more upset than other kids, and they cry (or hit, or do something else) only because they weren't able to resolve the situation. Crying itself isn't an issue, but an inability to cope in an age-appropriate way with challenging situations might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should be encouraging this message that he shouldn't cry. Even if you have good intentions, it just further entrenches this mindset that men don't cry.

Talk to him about how it's okay to cry, it's okay to want privacy while he cries, and teach him some alternative coping mechanisms that don't boil down to "you are a man so hide your emotions". Tell him it's always okay to talk to you about these frustrations and get advice too.

He's clearly an emotional kid, and crying is a great way to get that frustration out. I think if teenage boys spent more time crying and emotionally venting, they'd spend less time on more dangerous externalizing behaviours (drinking, fighting, punching walls...) Of course, society needs to encourage this first...

as a wife and mother of a boy, [phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Crying is good for you.

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with crying in the privacy of your own home?

Anonymous wrote:If your son is only crying at home, and not in public, then I don't see the problem. He's upset. Tears are a way of both expressing that and managing it. I always feel better after I cry.

You can try to help him see that crying when his siblings tease him only makes them tease him more, and so he can try not to cry in front of them, as a strategy, but please don't teach him not to cry or that crying is something to be ashamed of.

Anonymous wrote:This. He feels safe at home, and this he's a preteen. Let him get it out. Nothing wrong with crying.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!

You are ALL WRONG!

You are doing your sons NO FAVORS with this kind of talk!

Teach them that MEN DO NOT CRY. Period. Not even at home. Doing so only earns contempt, not sympathy.

You know very well that if your husband cried in the privacy of your home, you would not say "oh no problem, nothing wrong, no shame in crying." You would despise him.

Please let this be a troll. Although sadly, I am sure it is not.

[Anonymous]

Most super competitive pro players cried after losses as kids throughout elementary school years. Watch the special on the Manning brothers.

In passionate, intense kids that play their heart out--their bodies have a hard time processing this intensity.

I have had several former-pro coaches tell me it's good my 10-year old cares that much. They all say as he progresses he will be able to process it better.