Bar/Bat Mitzvah attendance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had lots of Jewish friends growing up (I'm not Jewish) and was never invited to a single Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Sounds like a modern day gift grab to me.

You are an idiot and bigot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had lots of Jewish friends growing up (I'm not Jewish) and was never invited to a single Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Sounds like a modern day gift grab to me.

You are an idiot and bigot

Which is probably why you were never invited...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a good reason, it is preferable to go to both, but do what you can. Even if the friend isn't close, it seems like all or most of the class is invited, and its a bigger social thing that could be fun.

Most likely true -- so no need to go at all.

My kid has gone for the full thing when a close friend invited him. For a random classmate, it makes little sense IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a good reason, it is preferable to go to both, but do what you can. Even if the friend isn't close, it seems like all or most of the class is invited, and its a bigger social thing that could be fun.

Most likely true -- so no need to go at all.

My kid has gone for the full thing when a close friend invited him. For a random classmate, it makes little sense IMO.

I agree with this. First, I think it's weird to invite your whole class. We are just inviting kids who our DS is friends with. However, we will be inviting his whole hebrew school class (they are expected to attend anyway). If your child is not really friends with this kid, I would just not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had lots of Jewish friends growing up (I'm not Jewish) and was never invited to a single Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Sounds like a modern day gift grab to me.

You are an idiot and bigot

Which is probably why you were never invited...

LOL. The original PP is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had lots of Jewish friends growing up (I'm not Jewish) and was never invited to a single Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Sounds like a modern day gift grab to me.

I'm almost 40, Jewish and went to dozens (literally) of them. There were always some non-Jewish people there. At mine, it was a "small" one with only about 70 people, and I can recall having three Israeli friends and one non-Jewish friend attend. Among adults, I think there were two couples who weren't Jewish.

My brother's was a big affair with about 200 people, and he probably had about 30-35 people there who weren't Jewish. It's not a gift grab. It's a ceremony that's a HUGE deal within the religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had lots of Jewish friends growing up (I'm not Jewish) and was never invited to a single Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Sounds like a modern day gift grab to me.

You are an idiot and bigot

+1. Ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The service is the main event, though, the kids believe the party is the main event. Apparently some adults agree with the kids.

Agreed. It is shameful.

[Anonymous]

There is a huge, HUGE social aspect to these things. They don't invite the whole grade because it is meaningful. There is a competition amongst families and it is a big deal on Monday to see who has the shirt, who got left out. Why would you invite random people to such a sacred event?

[Anonymous]

The service is the important part. If you have to choose to attend either the service or the party, you attend the service. That's the true celebration.

If your child doesn't want to attend the service, then don't. But then I don't understand why you would want to attend the party since you've already opted not to celebrate with the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a huge, HUGE social aspect to these things. They don't invite the whole grade because it is meaningful. There is a competition amongst families and it is a big deal on Monday to see who has the shirt, who got left out. Why would you invite random people to such a sacred event?

Wait, are you saying it's a sacred event or a competition? It's a big deal to see on Monday who got left out? I don't know what to say to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a huge, HUGE social aspect to these things. They don't invite the whole grade because it is meaningful. There is a competition amongst families and it is a big deal on Monday to see who has the shirt, who got left out. Why would you invite random people to such a sacred event?

Wait, are you saying it's a sacred event or a competition? It's a big deal to see on Monday who got left out? I don't know what to say to that.

People are people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The service is the main event, though, the kids believe the party is the main event. Apparently some adults agree with the kids.

Agreed. It is shameful.

Come on. For the average 13 year old? Hate to break it to you, but the kid is nervous about the reading but is really thinking about the party and, to some extent, the gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a huge, HUGE social aspect to these things. They don't invite the whole grade because it is meaningful. There is a competition amongst families and it is a big deal on Monday to see who has the shirt, who got left out. Why would you invite random people to such a sacred event?

I agree.

When you get to the point that you are inviting a ton of kids who have no real relationship with the guest of honor, it becomes less about the special religious milestone and more about throwing a big party (and getting gifts).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a huge, HUGE social aspect to these things. They don't invite the whole grade because it is meaningful. There is a competition amongst families and it is a big deal on Monday to see who has the shirt, who got left out. Why would you invite random people to such a sacred event?

I agree.

When you get to the point that you are inviting a ton of kids who have no real relationship with the guest of honor, it becomes less about the special religious milestone and more about throwing a big party (and getting gifts).

I completely disagree. We are inviting DD's whole class because there are 20 children in it, and if we invited only the 12 or so whom she is friendly with, then we would be acting exclusionary and leaving people out. Of course, people are welcome not to accept our invitation. Believe me, the LAST thing any of us is thinking about are the gifts. We are very focused on DD learning her Torah portion, on getting our words to her right, on making sure that we honor people appropriately in the candle lighting ceremony, etc. It really doesn't matter whether people give gifts or not....having the people we love around us as DD takes this huge step is what it's about, and inviting the extra people - her classmates whom she isn't that friendly with but who are also part of a small class, the athletes on her team she isn't close to but are still part of her age group and therefore spend a lot of time with her at practie - is just a side effect. If those people don't want to come, no harm. I'm inviting them to be nice and inclusive. That's it.