No desire to kiss anymore

[Anonymous]

I don't believe in monogamy for all the above stories. I envy the lucky ones who find a lifelong soul mate who turns them on. I guess I'm not one of them. I have an incredible ASC drive with someone new and love passionate kissing. But as soon as a relationship becomes stable - I lose interest. At least that was the case with the two or three boyfriends I had before marriage and definitely the case with my husband now.

[Anonymous]

ASC above was supposed to say sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here -

I haven't enjoyed kissing DW for a very, very long time. Not a hygiene issue, just simply not feeling it - ever. For me, kissing can be incredibly intimate and emotional, and I just don't feel that way about DW anymore. We kiss, but it's not for very long, and there's absolutely no fire whatsoever. As a prelude to sex, it's almost a mood killer, so I kind of just do the best I can and get to the main event (which is also largely obligatory). It really sucks to be faking it all the time. God, I miss deep, passionate kissing, SO much.

Know what you mean - DW and I do the brush of the lips once a day (either as we're heading out the door for work or before she turns in for the night). I remember the last couple of times we had sex (approx 20 mo ago...) and she kept moving my face as I was kissing her saying that I was blocking her nose and she couldn't breath. Yeah, I really really miss those make-out sessions.

Met someone (on this forum) for a couple of beers and we ended up having a great makeup session in the car in the parking garage. I was smiling to myself for days

[Anonymous]

It's probably less about the beard and more about attraction generally. With attraction, sex and making out are some of the best things ever. Without attraction, they're kind of weird and gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here -

I haven't enjoyed kissing DW for a very, very long time. Not a hygiene issue, just simply not feeling it - ever. For me, kissing can be incredibly intimate and emotional, and I just don't feel that way about DW anymore. We kiss, but it's not for very long, and there's absolutely no fire whatsoever. As a prelude to sex, it's almost a mood killer, so I kind of just do the best I can and get to the main event (which is also largely obligatory). It really sucks to be faking it all the time. God, I miss deep, passionate kissing, SO much.

Know what you mean - DW and I do the brush of the lips once a day (either as we're heading out the door for work or before she turns in for the night). I remember the last couple of times we had sex (approx 20 mo ago...) and she kept moving my face as I was kissing her saying that I was blocking her nose and she couldn't breath. Yeah, I really really miss those make-out sessions.

Met someone (on this forum) for a couple of beers and we ended up having a great makeup session in the car in the parking garage. I was smiling to myself for days

Oh god this.

My wife doesn't kiss me properly anymore. I don't know why. I floss, etc so that's not it. But when I go in for a passionate kiss I get a closed mouth peck back. It drives me insane.

Enter AP after 19 years of monogamy. She grabs my fave with her hands and pulls me towards her or away from her, teasing me and alternating between small kisses and full on passionate kissing. If I think about what was most amazing about her - it's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here -

I haven't enjoyed kissing DW for a very, very long time. Not a hygiene issue, just simply not feeling it - ever. For me, kissing can be incredibly intimate and emotional, and I just don't feel that way about DW anymore. We kiss, but it's not for very long, and there's absolutely no fire whatsoever. As a prelude to sex, it's almost a mood killer, so I kind of just do the best I can and get to the main event (which is also largely obligatory). It really sucks to be faking it all the time. God, I miss deep, passionate kissing, SO much.

Well, why don't you think about it, and figure out what's missing? Or are you going to limp along, focusing on how you miss it, but never talk to your wife or do anything to make things better between you? You keep going down this path, and you'll be cheating before you know it.

Never talk to my wife? Hey, we talk all the time. Or rather, she talks and I listen. And then I'm supposed to "ask" for emotional intimacy, right? Oh, please listen without criticizing. Please don't tear down my dreams. Please believe in me. Blah blah. How contrived. How pathetic to have to beg for something that should be pretty fucking fundamental in a marriage. Wait, but maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one with the intimacy issues, the one who's manifesting behaviors learned in childhood. Maybe I'm isolating myself emotionally and this would be the case with anyone, right? Except every time I open up I'm met with the same nothingness, so eventually you just close the door. And bolt it shut.

Look, I know what's missing, but the reality is, she is who she is, and I am who I am, and over time we've grown apart. I'm not sure anything can honestly be done about it at this point. Regardless of all the calls on these boards for counseling and communication, there comes a point when you just have to make the call - you're either staying or leaving, and I'm not leaving because I would lose my kids. So I swallow the shit and put on a happy face and, yes, "limp along" in agony knowing I'll never have a meaningful connection with anyone and try to feel okay about it. I don't see how you can suddenly fall back in love with someone when you've spent years falling out, and at the end of the day, we made a vow to stay married no matter what, so no one's going anywhere.

A DW here and this is how I feel in my marriage. I have never read a post that put it into words as well.