Getting grief about not finding out gender--minor vent.

[Anonymous]

We didn't find out with any of our babies...and loved not knowing. It really did seem to torment others that we didn't find out but I figured that was their problem and not ours. Enjoy your surprise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't found out either. I get a range of comments from "that's so awesome" to "how are you going to decorate." It's kinda funny. My parents are totally supportive of our decision not to find out the gender.

We didn't find out for #1 and "everyone" told me I was having a boy so we were pleasantly shocked to see a little girl pop out This time I'm getting more of a range of guesses. We'll all find out when the time comes ... there are so few surprises in life ... i love having this one.

I am a PP from above who said I can relate as I had a similar experience when we didn't find out for #1. I've been trying to decide what to do for #2 (DH is supportive either way) - and even posted in General Parenting asking what others did for #2 who didn't find out for #1. I think based on those responses and the responses to this post as well, I think I've decided that I don't want to find out #2 either so I guess I'll prepare myself for more meddling!

That said, I quoted the poster above because it seems there have been a lot of posts recently on DCUM about having girls versus boys...including poster above who noted she was "pleasantly" shocked when it came out a girl. Is it just me or do the majority of women really hope to give birth to girls? And why is that? Because we can relate to girls? I'm not judging, as I'm one who leaned toward a girl the first time (got a boy) and now am a bit more on the fence for #2. Just think it's interesting, and I guess as a mother of a boy (possibly 2) think it's a little sad that so many women seem to prefer girls. Every time I catch myself thinking about a girl for #2, I think about how much I adore my little boy and that it would be cool for him to have a brother versus so many drama queen little girls I come across in my neighborhood, on the playground, etc. Yet, a few minutes later having a girl crosses my mind again. Anyway, kind of off topic but just an observation and curiousity.

[Anonymous]

We genuinely don't care at ALL, (I'm a PP not finding out, not the one who said pleasantly surprised, but i feel the same way). For me, even though we haven't found out technically, I am "sure" that I'm having a boy. So sure, in fact, that I think i'll be shocked (and pleasantly surprised) if I see a girl pop out. The reason I would say pleasantly surprised is that it will be a surprise, and it will be pleasant. If it is a boy, it will be pleasant, but I don't know that I'll be as "surprised," since I think I have that mommy hunch. Hope that explains one person's perspective... To be fair, the reason I think it's going to be a boy is that I had a pretty big hand in raising my much younger brothers and just feel like I "get" little boys more than I "get" little girls. But if / when I have a little girl, I'll just have to sort that out and I think it will be great fun. So anyway, no preference at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We haven't found out either. I get a range of comments from "that's so awesome" to "how are you going to decorate." It's kinda funny. My parents are totally supportive of our decision not to find out the gender.

We didn't find out for #1 and "everyone" told me I was having a boy so we were pleasantly shocked to see a little girl pop out This time I'm getting more of a range of guesses. We'll all find out when the time comes ... there are so few surprises in life ... i love having this one.

I am a PP from above who said I can relate as I had a similar experience when we didn't find out for #1. I've been trying to decide what to do for #2 (DH is supportive either way) - and even posted in General Parenting asking what others did for #2 who didn't find out for #1. I think based on those responses and the responses to this post as well, I think I've decided that I don't want to find out #2 either so I guess I'll prepare myself for more meddling!

That said, I quoted the poster above because it seems there have been a lot of posts recently on DCUM about having girls versus boys...including poster above who noted she was "pleasantly" shocked when it came out a girl. Is it just me or do the majority of women really hope to give birth to girls? And why is that? Because we can relate to girls? I'm not judging, as I'm one who leaned toward a girl the first time (got a boy) and now am a bit more on the fence for #2. Just think it's interesting, and I guess as a mother of a boy (possibly 2) think it's a little sad that so many women seem to prefer girls. Every time I catch myself thinking about a girl for #2, I think about how much I adore my little boy and that it would be cool for him to have a brother versus so many drama queen little girls I come across in my neighborhood, on the playground, etc. Yet, a few minutes later having a girl crosses my mind again. Anyway, kind of off topic but just an observation and curiousity.

Okay, I'm this same poster again and in thinking about it more, realize that I probably read into the "pleasantly shocked" comment wrong. I'm guessing it was meant as she would have been happy with a boy but was also happy it was a girl. However, my general sentiment remains the same that it does seem like a fair number of women prefer to have a girl over a boy... Again, maybe I'm wrong - just my anecdotal perception.

[Anonymous]

DH and I made a pact to find out -- couldn't imagine having access to the info and not knowing -- but then not tell anyone. I like having a little secret for us and had absolutely no interest in people's naming suggestions. (No shower pre-birth, but I could see being super-annoyed with hideously gender-marked clothes.)

As another PP said, that drives people bonkers! Both families know that we know, and they don't, which I think makes them feel kind of cut out of emotional prep for the baby. I honestly don't think they'd care if we didn't know, either...in my social circle, the majority of people don't seem to find out for superstitious reasons. It's more that it seems like we're hoarding information about the baby.

My MIL saw a waist-up sono from our 20-wk u/s and was "convinced" that it was a boy because she saw a strategically placed thumb and forefinger. I explained that a) white lines were bones, which penises don't actually have, and b) that part of the body just wasn't showing in the image, but now she's "certain" that it's a girl. Maybe it's cruel, but I kind of love keeping them guessing!

[Anonymous]

I am one of the PP's who didnt find out but I was sure I was having a boy. Low and behold, DH says "its a girl!" and I said (in the midst of labor/delivering the placenta), "really?"

This time I am not venturing any guesses. A girl would be easier bc we already have all the stuff and they will be very close in age but we'll be happy either way.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure who OP is hanging out with, but I was fortunate that many people - family, friends, and strangers - were delighted that we chose not to find out the gender of either child before the births. I'm so not a planner and really enjoyed the mystery of not knowing. Just because you can find out doesn't mean you should! So OP, there are many people who are just trying to make conversation who get stumped when they hear that you have chosen something different (i.e., not to find out gender) than the choice they made or what they're comfortable with.

During my second pregnancy, I was convinced the baby was a boy since I didn't feel any different from my first pregnancy and had gained even more weight. I was looking forward my son having a brother; I know several men who have really close bonds with their brothers (and they adore their moms, too!). And, yes, you see where this is going...The doctor said "It's a girl!", and I have been completely in love with our little girl ever since. We would not trade her for the world. And, I hope that our boy and girl develop a close connection. After our second was born, some presumably well-intentioned people made irritating comments such as, "One of each! You must be thrilled!" Actually, I am beyond thrilled to have been blessed with two healthy children.

[Anonymous]

I'm the pleasantly shocked previous poster ... I was/am fine having either sex but was shocked with #1 because I had convinced myself it was going to be a boy based on the zillions of "it's a boy" comments from anyone and everyone.

My husband was the one though who told me afterward that he was really happy it was a girl because he always wanted a little girl. I honestly didn't have a preference- i love little boys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We haven't found out either. I get a range of comments from "that's so awesome" to "how are you going to decorate." It's kinda funny. My parents are totally supportive of our decision not to find out the gender.

We didn't find out for #1 and "everyone" told me I was having a boy so we were pleasantly shocked to see a little girl pop out This time I'm getting more of a range of guesses. We'll all find out when the time comes ... there are so few surprises in life ... i love having this one.

I am a PP from above who said I can relate as I had a similar experience when we didn't find out for #1. I've been trying to decide what to do for #2 (DH is supportive either way) - and even posted in General Parenting asking what others did for #2 who didn't find out for #1. I think based on those responses and the responses to this post as well, I think I've decided that I don't want to find out #2 either so I guess I'll prepare myself for more meddling!

That said, I quoted the poster above because it seems there have been a lot of posts recently on DCUM about having girls versus boys...including poster above who noted she was "pleasantly" shocked when it came out a girl. Is it just me or do the majority of women really hope to give birth to girls? And why is that? Because we can relate to girls? I'm not judging, as I'm one who leaned toward a girl the first time (got a boy) and now am a bit more on the fence for #2. Just think it's interesting, and I guess as a mother of a boy (possibly 2) think it's a little sad that so many women seem to prefer girls. Every time I catch myself thinking about a girl for #2, I think about how much I adore my little boy and that it would be cool for him to have a brother versus so many drama queen little girls I come across in my neighborhood, on the playground, etc. Yet, a few minutes later having a girl crosses my mind again. Anyway, kind of off topic but just an observation and curiousity.

I think that it might have a bit of being able to relate, but mainly I think humans are naturally egotistical and want little mirror images of themselves, a mom who is girly often says "I'm a girly girl and want to do girly girl things". Honestly-poor kid. Not everyone is a girly girl. Some girls are Tom boys and like science and bugs. Same goes for men. Almost all of my husbands friends and people I work with, the men are soooo proud of their first boy. My DH is so excited because he is a sports maniac and can't wait to do all of the sports with his son. What if our son, is a musician or (gasp!) a gay man who leans fem? If my son does not take to sports, I certainly hope my DH will back off. I know my DH would have been really disappointed if our first was not a boy and we had many a fight over it, it REALLY pissed me off. To say the least, I cannot relate or sympathize or condone such selfish feelings. It is repugnant.

personally, I don't understand it. I can honestly say, that I don't care about what gender we end up with. I really don't. I found out for my first because I wanted to buy the right stuff and was anxious to decorate the nursery. For my second, I just hope my baby turns out a boy OR girl and not someone in between.

[Anonymous]

OP here--thanks for all the support, glad to know I'm not alone!
As for wanting one gender over the other, if I really cared that much, I would have found out, to give myself time to prepare. I've honestly just been thinking how much easier it would be to have another boy. While I am totally in love with my son and find it hard to imagine a daughter, I know that having a girl will just open up a whole new world of delights that I haven't imagined yet, just like having a son did.