Any psychologists here - would love your perspective...

[Anonymous]

OP, this is one of the PPs. You would likely be better off finding a good self-help book to help you sort through a few things. If that does not work, then you could consider therapy. I found the books with "homework" to be the most effective for me.

Google the subject matter and check the reviews before you buy.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm one of those who've been to therapy unrelated to a specific "disorder." I find the comments about people being "mystified" by needing therapy unsettling. Some of us - for whatever reason - may not be well-practiced in the tools available to us that help us engage in productive relationships. Therapy can help us take a critical look at the way we think about and react to things and practice ways to move out of the traps we've set up for ourselves in the past. I'm typically timid and non-confrontational. Therapy has helped me state out loud what I want to do and what I expect from other people. Sure, I could have learned some of this from a book, but a therapist made the information relevant to my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I wonder if the things I want from a man are impossible to find in the same man: an egalitarian best friend, a strong personality that I won't squelch out with mine, and tolerant/ kind to others, and faithful to the end.

Your description sounds exactly like my husband. He was difficult to find (took me until my mid-30s) but he is certainly not the only one out there. FWIW, sometimes they don't look exactly like we expect. For example, my husband's strong, confident personality was not immediately obvious. He's one of those quietly strong types who often would rather listen than talk. He's not the guy who works the room or leads every conversation, but he is rock solid and more than holds his own with me (a strong personality, too.) I feel very lucky!!

OP: Good luck with your therapy and your self-discovery. Personally, I have found therapy to be very useful at a few different points in my adult life. Not because of any disorder or major trauma. Just as a way to clarify my thinking when I felt miserably STUCK in a negative mindset/situation depsite my best efforts to figure things out on my own. Twice I found that a round of 6-8 hours of talk therapy gave me enough self-awareness and clarity that I could make better decisions and move forward on my own. It was some of the best time and money I ever spent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so OP, your parents are still married to each other?

Oh yes, in fact they just celebrated their 50th a year ago. Their story had a weird twist though; my mom had a mini-stroke about 1.5 years ago, which somehow eliminated her mean streak with my dad. It also permanently removed any filter that might have existed between thought and spoken word! So, she is very loving to my dad and their snipy dynamic has changed. It's a good thing I guess, but even my dad says he liked her better with her own "real" personality.

Who knows! I'm just tired of being the "child" in this relationship and always having to react to my husband's mood the way a kid would have to dodge and defer to a parent's mood. I'm a fully grown woman and tired of not having an equal say, whether I earn an income outside the home or not.