Post-divorce dating: what should we look out for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I see in people who have been with abusive partners is once they find a nice person who isn't abusive, they think it's love. And they don't really look past the niceness to see if they are compatible. They are just so relieved to not be abused any more.

This is so simple, yet so profound. It gives me so much to think about as I move on from an stressful/abusive marriage. Thank you for taking the time to post and sharing your wisdom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She: divorced emotionally and verbally abusive alcoholic who cheated. Married 20 years.
He: cheated and was thrown out by angry wife when caught. Marriage had been dead for 12 years before that but didn't want to break up family. Married 25 years.

What signs or red flags should each look out for in the other? Both are kind-hearted people with kids about the same age, but their baggage could fill the Titanic.

Don't date, be happy with your kids, grand kids someday, friends, hobbies. Work on yourself and move on. Forget the ex, stop dwelling or talking to the abusive ex. That's the only way you'll be free.

Certainly don't try to snare someone else into your mess especially if you refuse to unload all that baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing I see in people who have been with abusive partners is once they find a nice person who isn't abusive, they think it's love. And they don't really look past the niceness to see if they are compatible. They are just so relieved to not be abused any more.

This is so simple, yet so profound. It gives me so much to think about as I move on from an stressful/abusive marriage. Thank you for taking the time to post and sharing your wisdom.

Seriously 1 million thanks for stating this prior PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She: divorced emotionally and verbally abusive alcoholic who cheated. Married 20 years.
He: cheated and was thrown out by angry wife when caught. Marriage had been dead for 12 years before that but didn't want to break up family. Married 25 years.

What signs or red flags should each look out for in the other? Both are kind-hearted people with kids about the same age, but their baggage could fill the Titanic.

Don't date, be happy with your kids, grand kids someday, friends, hobbies. Work on yourself and move on. Forget the ex, stop dwelling or talking to the abusive ex. That's the only way you'll be free.

Certainly don't try to snare someone else into your mess especially if you refuse to unload all that baggage.

Terrible advice to tell someone not to date ever again. So every woman who has ever been married to a bad man should never date again?

Ridiculous and cruel advice. And I'm not sure if you understand how many women are trapped in these sorts of marriages right here in NW DC.

Agree with all the posters that say that therapy is essential first. Never to marry someone who has cheated in the past (if you can really figure out information out), and make sure you date for a long time before marriage and make sure you're compatible.

I hope the woman in this scenario finds happiness.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Sorry for all those typos!

[Anonymous]

For guys - I'd a avoid the women in the devastated to divorce thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

For guys - I'd a avoid the women in the devastated to divorce thread.

Guy here
I kinda agree with you but its hard to blame women. I have seen how they have this wall they built that is hard to get through. I did the same after a really bad marriage but was quick to realize that it's not the way I want to live. There are some that turned out to be total man haters and I feel bad for them. It annoys me they assume all men are alike.