LIFE WITH CHILDREN

[Anonymous]

I think anyone who isn't scared of having children either doesn't know anything about children or has a cavalier attitude! Kids are a big commitment! They change your life by nearly 100%, and that's scary too.

Definitely keep discussing this with your fiance. It is possible you might change your mind - I do have a couple of friends who did NOT want kids and they did end up changing their minds, in part because they married men who were very good father material. One is now a mother and she's very happy; the other is due in August and she is really excited. I also have friends who never wanted kids and they are very happily child-free with their spouses. (the message there is that the spouse needs to be on board for child-free living, or they may feel they've given up something too huge - and resent you for it.)

I had my daughter when I was 36. I had always hoped for kids, but despite dating a lot, never found the right guy. I had finally resigned myself to not worrying about it anymore, figuring that I could adopt in a few years. Got pregnant completely by accident, and was scared as hell at the thought of being a single mom, but decided to go through with it. It is scary at times, still. But it is WONDERFUL. I don't always love my new life, to be honest - I miss my old independence and freedom and downtime and a clean house and disposable income. But my daughter is awesome - I can't imagine my life without her now, and I'm so excited to watch her grow up. (though i'll definitely miss her adorable baby years.) And yeah, the thought of the things that could happen to her - scary. But I have some say in that, in how she grows up, in who she becomes. I did my experimenting and crazy stuff, and turned out ok - I have to hope she does too!

Good luck, with whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

Quite simply, having a child is the first thing I did with my life that matters. I have the sort of job that makes people say "oooh, how wonderful, how fulfilling!" and it's nothing compared to being a parent.

Also, I don't like kids. Never have. Never thought I'd have any. I hate getting up at the crack of dawn (or earlier). If anyone other than my daughter tried to wake me up at 6am, they'd pull back a bloody stump.

It's very strange. I don't recognize myself when I'm with her. In a good way. I've softened, I've re-prioritized. As one friend put it, I've lost my "bitch edge". I've come to realize, there might be no way to predict who you will be as a parent. My husband, for example, used to be the nicest, most laid-back, patient guy on earth. Having a toddler has not enhanced these qualities. I never had those qualities to begin with, and now...

You get it. It's huge. You might not be up for it. But you'll almost certainly be surprised by it.