Bouts of not liking who your child is becoming?

[Anonymous]

Lose the electronics. Make him earn them back by fixing his behavior.

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend the parenting classes by Dr. Dan Shapiro/Dr. Sarah Wayland. They are fantastic.

http://www.raisingyourchallengingchild.com/

And the methods really apply to all children - not just particularly challenging ones.

[Anonymous]

Some reactions that I had:

He does not like things that require even the least of effort. Yesterday was probably the first day in school when he completed his writing assignment, I was so surprised and praised him so much. Usually he tries to quit whenever there is a slightest difficulty. He fights every smallest homework assignment. The slightest critique- as much as telling him "you probably should listen to the coach more"- makes him want to quit an activity.

Makes me think of most kids brought up in the upper half of the socio-economic class in the US. There's no need to actually struggle or face any sort of adversity, so they never learn the skills to cope with any obstacle.

Not sure I have constructive advice for you, but this seems to be an unfortunate "normal" in this day and age.

He does not say hi to people- does not say bye- says he feels shy to do so. I never pushed him but it is becoming to look rude now that he is not 3 anymore.
He hates to receive kisses.

Seems very shy. Either introverted, which is perfectly fine, or suffering from social anxiety, which you probably want to address. And by "address" I don't mean take him to a psychologist. You don't need professional help here. Just try to be encouraging. Explain how isn't it nice when others say hi to him and wouldn't it be nice to return that sort of feeling to someone else? Ask him about his feelings. Validate them. Say it's okay to feel shy sometimes. Find out if there are certain people that he feels less shy with and practice with those people before moving on to the harder ones -- usually strangers.

In fact his favorite word is now "hate", he hates too many things this I don't forbid him to say as long as it is not about people.

I don't think you should ever forbid any expression of feeling. That just leads to bottled up feelings that can later come out in even worse ways.

He tried to throw his trash on the ground.
He tried to make me do stuff for him. He would actually ask very nicely- like- mommy can you do me a favor and carry my backpack today, I am tired- but this happens almost every day and with things like putting on his shoes, buckling up, and other run of the mill things. I don't discourage him when he wants to do stuff on his own, but it just doesn't happen often.

This is the one thing that struck me as really strange and out of the ordinary. He should be doing things for himself. He's asking you to carry his backpack?!? To put on his shoes?!? He's SIX? This is not a personality thing. This is a parenting thing -- you need to lay down some ground rules here that he is responsible for certain things and that as he gets older and older, he'll be responsible for more and more. This is about teaching your child to be a healthy and responsible adult. That's the job of a parent. A parent is not a forever-care-giver.

Besides that, teaching him to be responsible for certain things will give him confidence that he can do things on his own, that he is capable, and that he can do things on his own and tackle things in life.

[Anonymous]

He tried to throw his trash on the ground.
He tried to make me do stuff for him. He would actually ask very nicely- like- mommy can you do me a favor and carry my backpack today, I am tired- but this happens almost every day and with things like putting on his shoes, buckling up, and other run of the mill things. I don't discourage him when he wants to do stuff on his own, but it just doesn't happen often.

This is the one thing that struck me as really strange and out of the ordinary. He should be doing things for himself. He's asking you to carry his backpack?!? To put on his shoes?!? He's SIX? This is not a personality thing. This is a parenting thing -- you need to lay down some ground rules here that he is responsible for certain things and that as he gets older and older, he'll be responsible for more and more. This is about teaching your child to be a healthy and responsible adult. That's the job of a parent. A parent is not a forever-care-giver.

Yeah, this seemed odd to me as well. My child is 6 and if he asked me to do these things for him, unless he was sick or had some other unusual issue, I would say no and tell him to do it for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thinking about this and the post from the woman who was disappointed that her 3.5 year old didn't enjoy dress-up, Disney movies, etc.

I have three wonderful kids but they're nothing like the ones I would have ordered if I had been handed a catalog. The middle one is less intellectual, more sporty; they all have strong opinions and are less moldable than I expected. Only one developed a serious interest in music, something that really matters to me.

They share our religious beliefs, sort of. (Oldest two are in college). However, they are both Christians of the lefty variety, whereas we are more social conservative. I just find this funny.

But years ago, a wise woman told me to take some time and mourn the death of my fantasies about my kids and then to take the time to love the kids I actually have. For some reason, my fantasy toddler son was blonde, loved books and drawing, and had a slight English accent. My actual toddler son was rough and tumble, usually kind of muddy and not actually very verbal. Needed to come to terms with the death of the fantasy before I could love the actual child.

HA!

[Anonymous]

This is OP, THANK YOU everyone, I will get back later in more detail!

[Anonymous]

The pressure parents put on our kids to appease our own expectations are amazing. I am so grateful I grew up in a world where we could go off in the neighborhood, woods, park and just act like KIDS!

Let your kids make mistakes, teach them right from wrong, discipline when they are really wrong. But let them be their own person. Otherwise, they will be coming on DCUM typing up a thread about how they love their mom, but they just don't like her - at all.