Dear mother in hospice. Please help cheer me up.

[Anonymous]

Take this opportunity to try and have private moments to talk with your dad and brother too. Soon(ish) you'll be back in DC and you'll be thrown back into your life of caring for young children and you won't have this time with your family members who have shared a home with your mom. Lean on one another...cry...reminisce. All the things that help keep a family gelled. If your mom is like most, she has likely been the glue and it would be a real gift to her if you could take that baton and ensure that your family will remain close, even in your mom's absense. I'm so sorry this is happening, OP. Tell you mom how much you love her. Would it mean a lot to her for you to fly her grandchildren in? I know that's a lot to ask, but it might be a lovely gesture...although only you can judge if your kids would be OK with that experience. Maybe it would just frighten them. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. These are all wonderful thoughts, and have made me feel better. At least I do have this time with her, to tell her how much I love her, get her blessings and wisdom and share stories. She is just like mom, but sleepier, physically weak. I told her that I would continue our habit of calling her every evening at 4 pm her time to tell her abour my day, about the girls, what Im making for dinner. I told her, mom, wherever you are, wait for my call. I will listen for you. This will be my new way of praying. We are Hindu and mt beliefs are vague, but I believe in the divine in all of us. thank you all for your kindness and compassion. Indeed, I do feel all the warmth from friends, family and kind strangers. To the PP who lost her dad, I am so sorry. We have a similar timeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all wonderful thoughts, and have made me feel better. At least I do have this time with her, to tell her how much I love her, get her blessings and wisdom and share stories. She is just like mom, but sleepier, physically weak. I told her that I would continue our habit of calling her every evening at 4 pm her time to tell her abour my day, about the girls, what Im making for dinner. I told her, mom, wherever you are, wait for my call. I will listen for you. This will be my new way of praying. We are Hindu and mt beliefs are vague, but I believe in the divine in all of us. thank you all for your kindness and compassion. Indeed, I do feel all the warmth from friends, family and kind strangers. To the PP who lost her dad, I am so sorry. We have a similar timeline.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. This brings tears to my eyes. My dad is gone now, but I still "talk" to him, and I know that he "sees" my kids growing up. Just today I was telling my child about how right after he died, I picked a certain bird that would remind me of him. Sure enough, about an hour later, I heard a weird chirping noise, looked up, and it was that bird. Seems corny, but I choose to believe he's with me all the time now, if only in my heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just keep telling her you love her and what a good life you have had. I am sorry you are going through this. I have been fighting cancer this year and have young children. As a mother I just want my children to know how much I love them and that they are going to be ok.

OP here again. I am so very sorry. There are so many incredible breakthroughs happening in cancer treatment, I pray that one pf these will work for you. My mother is nearly 78, and though we never really thought of her as old, she just couldnt tolerate the chemo they offered her. I agree 100 percent that my mom just wants to know we'll be strong and go on... She has asked menot to be sad. Impossible, but as a mom myself I know what shemeans. It's what youd want for your children, and what id want for my daughters. Thank you for this insight, and i pray for your complete recovery.

[Anonymous]

So weird you mention a bird. I lost my dad on Thanksgiving (I posted here about my in-law issues at the time). Right after he passed my mom and I were driving and saw the largest flock of birds I've seen in years sitting in the trees. A few days later, in a matter of minutes, I saw a bald eagle perched on a tree (have never seen one in that area before), followed by a hawk that landed on the roof of someone's car in a grocery store parking lot. It was absolutely bizarre.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. Things will never be the same again, but they will also not always be this hard. I'm glad you're getting to spend time with her and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in early january. Chemo ravaged her, so after just one cycle, she's at home in hospice care. I am extremely close to my mother. My brother and dad live with her. I live across the country in dc with my family. This last week has been brutal. She has not eaten or even had nutritional drinks- only water snd sometimes pedialyte mixd in. She has diarrea constanyly, though we can walk her to the toilet. She has her mind in tact and can communicate. But it's notgoing to be gor very long. I sm here without my husband snd young children. Please help me see that things will get better. If not for my mom, then sonehow. Sorry not articulste.

Your mom will not get better, but you can have closure once you accept that she is leaving this green earth. You can have closure by spending time with her, and telling her funny stories and things you fondly recall from your upbringing. Tell her what a great job she did, and why. You are not alone, OP. I just lost one of my parents, and previously lost the other one. It is painful. It will always hurt, just less and less, over time. I remember saying that I want time to ass quickly, so the pain will lessen. It does. Try to let go with a full heart. Surround yourself with positive - this is very, very important. Surround yourself with people who love you - friends and family who see things your way (not nasty people, obviously - we all know one or two people like that) I wish you peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all wonderful thoughts, and have made me feel better. At least I do have this time with her, to tell her how much I love her, get her blessings and wisdom and share stories. She is just like mom, but sleepier, physically weak. I told her that I would continue our habit of calling her every evening at 4 pm her time to tell her abour my day, about the girls, what Im making for dinner. I told her, mom, wherever you are, wait for my call. I will listen for you. This will be my new way of praying. We are Hindu and mt beliefs are vague, but I believe in the divine in all of us. thank you all for your kindness and compassion. Indeed, I do feel all the warmth from friends, family and kind strangers. To the PP who lost her dad, I am so sorry. We have a similar timeline.

OP, I am so sorry. You are never fully ready for this. You are a good, strong daughter and I know your mother is so proud of you. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep telling her you love her and what a good life you have had. I am sorry you are going through this. I have been fighting cancer this year and have young children. As a mother I just want my children to know how much I love them and that they are going to be ok.

OP here again. I am so very sorry. There are so many incredible breakthroughs happening in cancer treatment, I pray that one pf these will work for you. My mother is nearly 78, and though we never really thought of her as old, she just couldnt tolerate the chemo they offered her. I agree 100 percent that my mom just wants to know we'll be strong and go on... She has asked menot to be sad. Impossible, but as a mom myself I know what shemeans. It's what youd want for your children, and what id want for my daughters. Thank you for this insight, and i pray for your complete recovery.

Honestly, the chemo is what killed my parent. Not that there are that many other options, and not that you could have done anything differently, because you could not have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. These are all wonderful thoughts, and have made me feel better. At least I do have this time with her, to tell her how much I love her, get her blessings and wisdom and share stories. She is just like mom, but sleepier, physically weak. I told her that I would continue our habit of calling her every evening at 4 pm her time to tell her abour my day, about the girls, what Im making for dinner. I told her, mom, wherever you are, wait for my call. I will listen for you. This will be my new way of praying. We are Hindu and mt beliefs are vague, but I believe in the divine in all of us. thank you all for your kindness and compassion. Indeed, I do feel all the warmth from friends, family and kind strangers. To the PP who lost her dad, I am so sorry. We have a similar timeline.

Not talking to her will be really hard at first I'm so sorry, OP. It will get better, slowly.

And you can still talk to her, just in a different way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep telling her you love her and what a good life you have had. I am sorry you are going through this. I have been fighting cancer this year and have young children. As a mother I just want my children to know how much I love them and that they are going to be ok.

OP here again. I am so very sorry. There are so many incredible breakthroughs happening in cancer treatment, I pray that one pf these will work for you. My mother is nearly 78, and though we never really thought of her as old, she just couldnt tolerate the chemo they offered her. I agree 100 percent that my mom just wants to know we'll be strong and go on... She has asked menot to be sad. Impossible, but as a mom myself I know what shemeans. It's what youd want for your children, and what id want for my daughters. Thank you for this insight, and i pray for your complete recovery.

Honestly, the chemo is what killed my parent. Not that there are that many other options, and not that you could have done anything differently, because you could not have.

Radiation killed mine.

[Anonymous]

OP, a little over a year ago I was where you are with my own mom. It's sad, and it's hard. Feel the feelings. Cope how you can (I'm normally a teetotaler, but had a few whiskeys). Spend whatever time with her you can and let her tell you her stories if she wants and is able. My brother wasn't able to be there (lives overseas), and I think he is struggling more with our loss because it's abstract to him, in a sense.