Approaching a hoarding situation (or at least I feel like it)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I needed to declutter, I forced myself to make 1 bag of stuff a night. It could be a trash bag, a donation bag, or an organize box. Trash bags had to go to the trash that night. Donation bags had to be taken to goodwill by the end of the week or it became a trash bag. Organize box got to wait until I was 4 weeks into my project and then I had organizing week. Once I had more space, organizing fell into the same category as donations. If it didn't find a home in a week, it became trash.

OP here. Thanks for this helpful response, and for the others. I like the idea of a bag of stuff a night. I think that's doable. I think I'm looking at the enormity of the situation rather than looking at it as a series of manageable tasks, so it's overwhelming me. I've gone through some economic hard times and also teach at an under-resourced school, so I guess I'm always thinking "I need this; I can use this; this is still good" which is only true some of the time. I'd really like to get this place under control and looking good by the end of March.

FWIW I recently had an apartment inspection and they didn't flag anything, so I guess that's good. I too have watched Hoarders and it horrifies me.

[Anonymous]

Please get some therapy. I'm concerned about your daughter learning your habits, it will ruin her life. I feel like you're really minimizing the problem here. Some of the things you keep are frankly bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please get some therapy. I'm concerned about your daughter learning your habits, it will ruin her life. I feel like you're really minimizing the problem here. Some of the things you keep are frankly bizarre.

Like what? Are you referring to paper towel tubes and egg cartons? Teachers typically collect those things for art projects. Magazines? A lot of people have too many of those. I feel like OP is trying to get a handle on this from what she said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please get some therapy. I'm concerned about your daughter learning your habits, it will ruin her life. I feel like you're really minimizing the problem here. Some of the things you keep are frankly bizarre.

Like what? Are you referring to paper towel tubes and egg cartons? Teachers typically collect those things for art projects. Magazines? A lot of people have too many of those. I feel like OP is trying to get a handle on this from what she said.

plus 1

[Anonymous]

OP,

I don't think you're a true hoarder. My mom is and it is a twisted psychological state b/c hoarders don't admit to having a problem. You've just lived in one place for a while and not kept up with decluttering. Don't watch Hoarders, that won't motivate you.

This is a good basic website: http://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com (pardon, my French)

Recycle all the old magazines/paper.

Donate any clothes that are the wrong size.

Go through the knick knacks. Do they truly hold meaning for you anymore? If not, you can donate those too.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you checked out Marie Kondo's books? They have helped a lot of people dramatically reduce their belongings and organize what they decide to keep. She walks you through it, category by category.

Highly recommend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you checked out Marie Kondo's books? They have helped a lot of people dramatically reduce their belongings and organize what they decide to keep. She walks you through it, category by category.

Highly recommend.

OP here. Thanks, everyone. I know I'm not a hoarder; I'm just disheartened with myself right now. The fact that I haven't kept up with decluttering makes me wonder about myself. I did run across the Marie Kondo book at my cousin's house. I looked through it and was intrigued, but they "spark joy" stuff felt a little drastic... I mean, I need my socks, I wear them, but they don't exactly inspire ecstasy. Also, the way she talked about laying everything out on the floor discouraged me because I have limited mobility right now b/c of my knee. I think the pain I'm going through with my knee compounds the situation b/c right when I'm in "Aha" mode for getting rid of crap, I've been forced to slow down.

[Anonymous]

Quick thing you can do - get a big black trash bag and thrown in all magazines and advertisements and catalogs. All 3 have the same content online so if you really need something no fear, it's online. You will always get more catalogs and magazines. And you aren't going to refer back to these because you can't find them in all the mess. Toss them and do not stop to look at any of them.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I am a great procrastinator (cough-inattentive ADHD-cough). My stress levels must accumulate to breaking point for me to do something about clutter. So I tend to tidy up in bursts. When we were living in a one-bedroom, I threw out half of DH's stuff from his closets and he didn't even notice. When we moved to a little house, I insisted on getting rid of half our stuff again.

Here is the 3-pronged method that really works:

1. Don't bring stuff in. Minimalism. Own only one of any item. I'm a paper lover too, but I've gone nearly cold-turkey, and only subscribe to one mag, and borrow books from the library (I only buy the ones I know I will read and re-read forever).

2. Don't keep stuff. Recycle/throw away as soon as you're finished with it. Can you ask your students to provide certain materials, while you keep the rest in your classroom instead of your apartment?

3. Have a place for everything. When you do this, you will realize how much extra stuff needs to go! Always put it back there. Never walk from room to room without putting something back.

You might want to read about the Konmari method. I don't agree with everything she says, but her basic concept is sound and the book is easy to read.

[Anonymous]

You are overwhelmed, OP. First, learn to categorize.

Decide three categories of priority to your existence. This will be your "must keep". It can not be broad - it has to be narrow!

Then, use (3) trash bags - one for donate, one for trash, one for keep (if you must). You need to first decide the narrow (narrow) margins for what you "must" keep. Old papers, school work, other work, and old magazines can generally be tossed, without remorse.

If you came into your apartment tomorrow, what would you not miss? I think you might have to dive in head first, and that trying to chip away slowly will be too overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I need my socks, I wear them, but they don't exactly inspire ecstasy.

So you keep enough socks (say, 10-14 pairs), the ones that make you happiest. Don't keep the ones that might be useful some day for sock puppets, or that don't have mates. Don't keep the itchy ones you never wear. And in the future, make sure you're making good choices about which ones you buy--don't buy the cheap 10-pack that you hate, budget a little more for the higher-quality 3-pack that you'll enjoy wearing more.

[Anonymous]

hi op, I can empathize.

I have been in our small (1,500 sq) home as a family of 4 and it is amazing how easily stuff accumulates.

My family (all of us) ferns the stress of our clutter.
Scientific fact : clutter does stress women out. We produce more cortisol in cluttered areas.


Anyway, I came to dcum a few months back posting similar question to yours.
"The Magic Art of Tidying Up" was suggested.

I got the book but could not do it alone.
I suggest get someone - a friend, a neighbor or hire someone
I used Brooke simplifywithbrooke.com. She is chill - definitely at least meeting her.

Your apartment sounds lovely - full of potential. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this is an issue for you, OP, but I tend to keep things that might be useful or that I just don't want to see thrown away. I've had great luck with freecycle (a listserve organized by neighborhood where you can offer things you don't want anymore). It helps me get rid of things but not just throw them out. People come to pick up the items. If I offer things and no one wants them, I toss it.

I have wayyyy too much yarn and crafts. What finally helped me was to buy a container that I like (I got a chest of drawers but it could be a plastic storage tub) and I can fill that container but no more. It has helped me keep only the things I really want/like.

Good luck, OP! Reclaim that space for you and your daughter to enjoy!!

[Anonymous]

Yes, freecycle. I hate "wasting" stuff, so if I can't sell it on Ebay or Craigslist, I much prefer giving it to someone on freecycle. And bonus: you can also request things on freecycle! So if you end up needing something (say, 100 egg cartons for your classroom), you can post on freecycle and get it when you need it, rather than keeping it forever in your apartment.

[Anonymous]

I try to have a one-year rule (if something has not been touched for a year, think about throwing it away/recycling). Obviously, you keep special items like blankets, thick winter coat/ sleeping bags that may not be used often. A bag of trash per day is a great goal. Personally, I like to organize my kids' spaces because it makes me feel good about myself.

On a different note, I would not apologize for a second about living in a rent-controlled apartment. Financially, you should stay there as long as you can (you are surely much better off paying rent and savings the difference between the rent and mortgage payment). This means you should try to make the apartment a place you love (don't think of it as a transient place). Good luck.