I work for a racist

[Anonymous]

Get out. These folks usually have other hang ups. Next she will accuse you of molesting her child.

[Anonymous]

You cannot change this person, nor can you protect her child from the mother's bad influence. If the child is sensible, she will learn soon enough that her mother's attitude is wrong and she will reject it on her own. I'm sure the mother has some admirable traits, but you can't work for her if she's teaching her child to hate people.

It's probably true this woman has other bad parenting characteristics, so it's best you find another job quickly. Best of luck, OP. I hope you find a better situation with parents who appreciate you.

[Anonymous]

You know what, you should say something, but probably after giving notice just for self-preservation. When WE keep quiet about inequalities and prejudices WE are allowing and accepting them. I firmly believe that is our duty as human beings to stand up to injustice, cruelty and prejudice when we encounter it. The only exception to this is when it would place us in immediate physical danger. When one of us, who is appalled by this, says nothing, we are giving the behavior/expression/belief a silent seal of approval. You need to tell the child how wrong this is too. For God’s sake, someone needs to. Please do not stay silent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what, you should say something, but probably after giving notice just for self-preservation. When WE keep quiet about inequalities and prejudices WE are allowing and accepting them. I firmly believe that is our duty as human beings to stand up to injustice, cruelty and prejudice when we encounter it. The only exception to this is when it would place us in immediate physical danger. When one of us, who is appalled by this, says nothing, we are giving the behavior/expression/belief a silent seal of approval. You need to tell the child how wrong this is too. For God’s sake, someone needs to. Please do not stay silent.

I have to agree. I have seen so many of those tv shows "What would you do" type of situations (baby in the car left alone, someone being racist in public to someone else) and I firmly believe that when we see something wrong and ignore it-it's almost like we are just as bad. OP-I would say something to the Mother

[Anonymous]

I have a newsflash. People all have different views. Bigots come in all shapes and colors. You cannot go around preaching to people, because I can assure you it won't work. Just because you don't agree with someone's views, it is not your job, nor the forum to change them. Your only job is to remove yourself from the situation.

I am from a Korean family and I can assure you that most of them think Koreans are the superior race and culture. I married a white man and almost got kicked out of the family for life. There is nothing I can do to change these views (they even avoid shopping from non-korean store ownwers) I have come to the conclusion that everyone is different and if they are not harming someone, then it is not my job to go on a crusade.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP. It is a fine line. We all have the freedom to believe whatever ridiculous bullshit we please. I'm not here to try to talk someone out of what they believe, but I feel like I can ask them to stop if they are saying something horribly offensive.

I worked for a man for 2 years before I found out he was a homophobic asshole. I sat there and listened to him tell a story about how he fired a lesbian because "it is just disgusting". Part of me was glad I never told him that I am a lesbian and the other wanted to scream at him for his stupid beliefs. I suppose I could have championed the cause and told him that I am a lesbian, then he may take a moment to consider his beliefs are false. I decided against it, mainly because I needed the job at the time and also because I knew that his culture (he is Iranian) played a large part in his beliefs. Cultural thought is not so easily turned around, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

You people are surprising.

How many times have you been in a group setting or even a one on one and someone tells a racist joke? Me? lots of times.
Nobody is saying to the OP "Say something so you can help change her mind". Right is right and wrong is wrong. I think that by NOT saying something we are giving these people a pass and saying that we somewhat agree with them.
I think people should be held responsible for what they say and spewing hate in front of others, especially when the other doesnt share your same view, is NOT okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a newsflash. People all have different views. Bigots come in all shapes and colors. You cannot go around preaching to people, because I can assure you it won't work. Just because you don't agree with someone's views, it is not your job, nor the forum to change them. Your only job is to remove yourself from the situation.

I am from a Korean family and I can assure you that most of them think Koreans are the superior race and culture. I married a white man and almost got kicked out of the family for life. There is nothing I can do to change these views (they even avoid shopping from non-korean store ownwers) I have come to the conclusion that everyone is different and if they are not harming someone, then it is not my job to go on a crusade.

You, my dear, are a coward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are surprising.

How many times have you been in a group setting or even a one on one and someone tells a racist joke? Me? lots of times.
Nobody is saying to the OP "Say something so you can help change her mind". Right is right and wrong is wrong. I think that by NOT saying something we are giving these people a pass and saying that we somewhat agree with them.
I think people should be held responsible for what they say and spewing hate in front of others, especially when the other doesnt share your same view, is NOT okay.

Agreed. I am 21:22 from above and this is exactly what I was thinking of.... because in college there were boys (mostly from southern households- I went to college in Virginia at a small private college) who would tell horribly racists jokes. Some would also spew homophobic and chauvanistic things. I would cringe inside but never said anything because I wanted to fit in/be liked/was too shallow and self-absorbed then even though I knew it was wrong and horrible. When I think of some of the things I heard and I didn't say anything, I am ashamed because it was the equivalent of accepting and agreeing with it. I was 18-21 then and now I am 40. Yes, with age comes wisdom and the strength (moral turptitude) to stand up for what you know is right and denounce what you know is wrong. My parents taught me tolerance and kindness but the message was also, don't be too loud or make a scene. I am teaching my children differently: "when you see an injustice or hear an offensive comment, stand up and say "its not okay" because somebody has to and there is no reason for it not to be you. You are strong enough and smart enough to address ignorance and cruelty and anyone who would not like you for that is someone you do not want to like you anyway." I try and follow this always now. In part it is to make up for the times I did not but, more importantly it is because it is the right thing to do.

If noone tells that child how wrong and ignorant her mother's comments and beliefs are, then on the day she finally realizes that not everyone believes these things, she is going to assumed that all the other adult figures in her childhood who heard these things and didn't tell her differently, agreed with her mother. And perhaps, just perhaps, that may make her think maybe mother was right. You might be one of the people she thinks of, you might be able to change the outcome in her life. As for changing her mother, no that probably will not happen, but maybe it will at least shut her up or embarrass her enough to make her keep her nasty thoughts to herself and stop spreading the poison to her child. That would be an accomplishment to be very proud of, one less child poisioned from hatred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny and I believe my boss is truly racist. I have thought this for awhile now, based on various things she's said. She often complains about all the African American history that is taught at her child's school, and in general seems to have an "us vs. them" divisive attitude about things. She thinks non-white immigrants are jealous of her for being white and rich, and thus treat her poorly in customer service situations - just so you all know what I'm dealing with here.

Today her 6-year-old daughter saw a picture of an African American baby on some food packaging and said to her sister, "Ew, look, black people are gross!" I asked her why she would say that and she said, "Mommy told me they are gross." I told her that was not a nice thing to say, then later when she and I had a quiet moment I asked her about it again. I asked her if Mommy said she should keep that to herself and she said, "No, she said that I can say it whenever I feel it." I know kids sometimes make things up, but this seems like something the mom would say - I know her quite well now.

This literally made me sick to my stomach. Being racist is awful enough on its own, but I was shocked that this woman would blatantly teach her kids to be this way. Having no shame about it, or awareness that it is wrong, is scary. It makes me sad that she is tarnishing her kids' innocence like this.

I usually stay out of and remain neutral on anything the kids come to me with regarding religion, politics, and things like that, but I just couldn't let this one slide.

My question for you all is this - would you mention it to the mom (my boss)? If so, what would you say?

(By the way, I am already searching for a new job but this really makes me want to speed up the process!)

I am respectful of anyone's race, creed, religion, sexual preference, etc,... IF I was a nanny & I would tell her daughter that if her mom ever said to that to the daughter again, I would take my Jewish star & stick it up mom's ass and then show the daughter what happens when mom is a bad mommy.

[Anonymous]

Tough one, OP. I personally WOULD say something, after I'd found another job. But in the meantime, I think I would do everything within my power to show the child in question that there are other (better) ways to think and behave. It sounds like the child needs some fundamental lessons about human kindness and respect for one another. I hope you are able to instill some of your values in the child before you leave. The mom is a lost cause, but you can play a role in helping the child avoid the same bitter fate as the mother...

Signed,

someone with deeply racist parents, who grew up hearing the "N" word every day -- and thanks god I didn't learn to think and act that way, probably due to the influence of non-parental figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough one, OP. I personally WOULD say something, after I'd found another job. But in the meantime, I think I would do everything within my power to show the child in question that there are other (better) ways to think and behave. It sounds like the child needs some fundamental lessons about human kindness and respect for one another. I hope you are able to instill some of your values in the child before you leave. The mom is a lost cause, but you can play a role in helping the child avoid the same bitter fate as the mother...

Signed,

someone with deeply racist parents, who grew up hearing the "N" word every day -- and thanks god I didn't learn to think and act that way, probably due to the influence of non-parental figure.

My closest friends who happen to be white grew up hearing that word from their parents and others all the time too. Most said that they were taught to think differently away from their parents.

Sometimes, it is necessary to step outside of our comfort zones to correct a wrong.

[Anonymous]

I too grew up with one racist parent. I always sided with the other parent. It may be helpful, OP, for this child to hear another view. She may have some discomfort with her mother's views, but can't express them because after all her mommy told her so. If someone she cares about (you) offers a different point of view, she will remember it, and it may help her to distance herself from her mother's point of view on this issue (not to distance herself entirely from her mother -- which one of us agrees 100 percent with our parents?).

I'd be careful about expressing your views to the mother while she's writing your paycheck. She could get angry and give you a poor reference, and that won't help you in the long run. After you find another job you will be in a better position to express your discomfort with her racist attitude, and the way she's conveying it to her child. You have to use your judgment, OP. Some people do change their views, but others are lost causes. It's hard to know into which category this woman falls. Good luck finding a new job.

[Anonymous]

So what did you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what did you do?

I have not done anything aside from talking to the child on the day of. When she and I had a quiet moment together I told her that I have African American people in my family and it hurt me to know they were hated for no reason. She seemed confused and kept asking why I would have black people in my family (I am white) so maybe that simple fact will help open her eyes.

As for mom, well... I think she is a lost cause. She is confident that she is a fair, balanced, unbiased person. She's just sick of her kids being made to feel guilty at school while being taught African American history.

I probably will not say anything to her until I find another job.

Thanks for all the helpful input.