Boss bullies me at work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not stuck, OP. Just quit and find a new job.

+1
Been there, done that, and still see others bullied by the same jerk. And yes, the dynamic is the same--the bullied employee is made to feel incompetent and therefore feels trapped because s/he thinks nobody else will hire him/her.

Op here.

I am not incompetent. All my other bosses like/love me.

This particular boss, however, singles me out for mistreatment. We have different working styles and he gets upset and tries to micromanage me even to the point of telling me I need to organize my inbox folders a certain way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not stuck, OP. Just quit and find a new job.

+1
Been there, done that, and still see others bullied by the same jerk. And yes, the dynamic is the same--the bullied employee is made to feel incompetent and therefore feels trapped because s/he thinks nobody else will hire him/her.

Op here.

I am not incompetent. All my other bosses like/love me.

This particular boss, however, singles me out for mistreatment. We have different working styles and he gets upset and tries to micromanage me even to the point of telling me I need to organize my inbox folders a certain way.

Sounds like insecurity. I've dealt this this. Do you have a particular talent/skillset that he lacks?

[Anonymous]

You are going to have to leave. Your boss will not change and you can't sustain in a toxic environment without it seeping into other areas of your life. You don't deserve to live like this and you are better than the way you are being treated.
It's scary, but you have to create an exit strategy. The longer your wait the worst the damage to your personal life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to leave. Your boss will not change and you can't sustain in a toxic environment without it seeping into other areas of your life. You don't deserve to live like this and you are better than the way you are being treated.
It's scary, but you have to create an exit strategy. The longer your wait the worst the damage to your personal life.

^^ This is great advice. Please listen to above PP. The stress that this is causing you will affect all areas of your life. No job - even if it is a dream job - is worth this abuse. Please find another job asap.

[Anonymous]

Find a new job and don't give notice when you leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit and find a new job.

+1. Get out of the toxic environment. Toxicity sucks the life out of you and life is so much better when you work with great people.

Op here.

I feel absolutely miserable and incompetent due to how he treats me. He is always laughing and joking with others and if someone screws something up he responds with, "it happens dont worry!" but with me it is " you are so unprofessional!" to " do you NOT know how to do this?!"

I'm humiliated and doubt my abilities.

I don't want to tell on him because itll be awkward.

So I'm stuck.

You have 2 courses of action. Either you have a conversation with him/HR or you leave. Saying nothing and being miserable will eventually affect your health. Awkwardness be damned. How big is your company? Can you do a sideways move into another team? Is there any openings within your company that you can move to? Have you documented how he is treating you? This means date, location, description of events, outcome etc. This will be invaluable if you speak to HR because they will realise you are serious.

Is there any merit in his criticisms? Are you doing good work? Do you get along with the team? If you are not delivering, he may be trying to move you out of the team/fire you. If your work is good, then he may not like you and be gaslighting/bullying you to get you to move on. So even if you resolve the bullying in the future he may not support you or give you good projects etc.

Finally, what would it mean to move on from this company? How quickly could you find a new role? What's the market like for your skill set? Be aware that even if you do talk with him/HR this may not be resolved to your liking and you may be best to start a job search whilst dealing with the issue.

GL, this is a shitty situation. Weigh up your options and take action. Go where you are celebrated OP, not tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Get a new job and then quit. Don't let the bastard get you down. He is a bastard you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not stuck, OP. Just quit and find a new job.

+1
Been there, done that, and still see others bullied by the same jerk. And yes, the dynamic is the same--the bullied employee is made to feel incompetent and therefore feels trapped because s/he thinks nobody else will hire him/her.

Op here.

I am not incompetent. All my other bosses like/love me.

This particular boss, however, singles me out for mistreatment. We have different working styles and he gets upset and tries to micromanage me even to the point of telling me I need to organize my inbox folders a certain way.

You can be liked and incompetent, and it is easier for people to like you when they don't work directly with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to leave. Your boss will not change and you can't sustain in a toxic environment without it seeping into other areas of your life. You don't deserve to live like this and you are better than the way you are being treated.
It's scary, but you have to create an exit strategy. The longer your wait the worst the damage to your personal life.

^^ This is great advice. Please listen to above PP. The stress that this is causing you will affect all areas of your life. No job - even if it is a dream job - is worth this abuse. Please find another job asap.

Love this.

[Anonymous]

Many bosses suck. You need to leave OP; otherwise, he will suck your will and belief in yourself. He is probably a sexist pig...many are!

[Anonymous]

OP. Just like a childhood bully, he's decided you're a great target. Meanwhile, you should remember how much your old/other bosses have loved and appreciated you. And watch him, somebody did a number on him in his formative years. Lots of his behavior is based on HIS issues. Know that, and consider yourself lucky that it never happened to you! Pity is an amazing cure for self-doubt brought on by another.

Long term, make yourself less of a target. Master serious looks, eye contact, silence comfort and a calm demeanor. When he says: You're so unprofessional. Be ready to respond: Is this a conversation you'd like to have in front of the group? Basically you're telling him that you have some opinions about him and asking if he's comfortable with hashing out his shortcomings in front of the group. He's your boss, not your master. He owes you professional courtesy and dignity. No position gets you out of that obligation.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

We don't know enough about the situation to weigh in on whether you are slacking and your boss has reason to be frustrated - or whether your boss always has a target and you happen to be unlucky enough to be it for the moment. Even if you were slacking though, there's a good way to manage that and there's a poor way to do it - sounds like your boss isn't managing you well, regardless of your performance level.

So I'll pile on to the consensus of get out. There's no winning if you stay.

[Anonymous]

Remember the boss in the Jetsons? He would pop in on the TV screen to yell at George Jetson? Well, I telecommute full time along with the rest of my team including my boss. And his boss is like George Jetson's boss. My boss bulies me when his boss bulies him. Men put up with mean jerk bosses for decades! Women like you and me, well, we were taught we had a right to respect at work. We shouldn't get a princess attitude.

[Anonymous]

Not OP. It's started happening to me after I asked for a promotion this year. He does it in subtle ways like make a comment on a meeting that undermines me, in front of the team. It's hard to respect people who do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried simply saying "Bob, why are you so hard on me?"

That rarely turns out well.

Actually I think it does.

OP and I are very different people. I'm never bullied, I have a strong personality and I don't take shit, I'm professional, and deal with crap within reason, but not bullying.

Whenever people come would ne with bully dilemmas, I tell them this: Bullies are weak. They only prey on weak personalities. Whenever a bully is dealt with head on and point blank with crystal clairity, they collapse like tissue paper. I don't care if the bully is your boss or anyone else. They have a major character flaw and it's intense insecurity.

I'm at a VP level, reporting into the CEO and I'm at the top of my game. There have been no shortage of assholes I've had to climb over and move out of my way to get here. These bullies exist and you need to make them fully aware that you are not their outlet for their insecurity and that you won't take it. If you can do this, you will emerge as a leader.