How much do you manage your kids friendships? 7 yr old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They sound a bit annoying, but it wouldn't really bother me that much. I'd just stand firm on not allowing things that are against our house rules or that I don't feel like doing, and allow the play dates.

This. I agree, I would not end these play dates. You are careful to say the girls are otherwise OK and though others are advocating dumping these kids, if they have other good things about them and being with them does not make your own DD too focused on what she does or doesn't have, etc. -- dumping them isn't really a solution. They are in the bad habit of being demanding, probably because their parents cave to them. Just tell the girls no as needed, and be sure they know your house rules.

Keep smiling and saying no. "No ice cream right now" (or better, but only if it's true: "We don't have any ice cream"). "We're not going to the park today" to the girl, then to your daughter: "DD, you and Sally need to find something to do. How about X?"

I am not saying to micromanage activities but it might help if, rather than having a play date along the lines of "kids just do whatever and hang out and play," you and your DD together do a little planning in advance. If DD likes crafting, ask her what crafts she thinks friend will like, and then have her set up that craft and maybe have one other specific thing she wants to do in mind as a backup. Of course they don't have to do either thing, but having some options ready and waiting and right there on the tabletop, so to speak, can help avoid the guest kid getting bored and coming to you to demand a snack or a trip to the playground. And of course if that does happen, you instantly redirect friend back to your own child. Tell them they need to occupy themselves or you need to call friend's mom since the play date might be over.

The phase of "It's all about me" and "We do this at MY house" and "This is what I have and why don't you have cool stuff/more stuff" is unpleasant but not totally unusual, espeically for kids who have never done without anything. I'd let the toy-counting slide rather than draw your DD's attention to it by commenting on it. Having a few things already in mind for your DD to suggest they do, so there's less time to count who has what, etc., is generally good at this age.



You mention one girl can't take no for an answer on the phone -- is she talking directly with your DD on those calls and giving your DD a hard time about not being able to do a play date? If so, I'd let DD handle the call, still, but I'd also monitor, and after about a minute, say, "Time to say goodbye and hang up, tell Friend I said it's time to go" and not let any calls go on and on. DD doesn't need another kid pestering her -- and if you have caller ID I'd absolutely use it to screen calls from any friend who's calling the four to five times a week this girl is calling. There's no need to pick up the phone if you know it's her, or for DD to pick it up either; if DD knows the number on caller ID, teach DD that "We know that's Jenny, but you're doing homework right now (or we have to leave for Activity X in five minutes, whatever), so we'll let her leave a message."

Thanks so much; this is great advice - OP

[Anonymous]

I generally don't, but usually my daughter stops wanting to play with kids like this. She did have one friend who was horrible and I really pushed her to find nicer friends. At this young age, I found that mean or nasty or obnoxious behavior rubs off on my DD.