Going Back to Work and Really Depressed

[Anonymous]

Get you husband o drop him off. he is used to you and expects you to be around.

I'd avoid visiting at lunch - I have heard that it can make things worse for them to see you thoughout the day. He may think it is time to go home.

Can the daycare center wear him for a little bit each day? Help break him of the habit?

What are they doing to soothe him? Can they put him in a bumbo so he is at least up and able to see what is going on around him?

[Anonymous]

I would also talk to the providers to see if they would be willing to wear him around a little bit to get him used to the situation. I also second the asking them not to call you and seeing if your husband can do drop off and you do pick up.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. Thanks again, all. Very good tips. I asked if I could bring in a bumbo or bouncy chair or swing, and the answer was "no" to all. Frustrating, since that's what we use at home, and even just one may help with the transition better. But I understand the liability from their perspective. I did bring in his own Boppy, which he likes, and some toys. They kept leaving him in his car seat, so I thought a Boppy will at least let him join the group.

I will ask about the sling...perhaps that will be OK. One thing that did bother me, is they said that DS is "independent" and prefers to be "left alone" rather than having a lot of the teachers and other students "all up in his face" (their words, not mine). They told me that he likes when they put him in his boppy and let him stare out the window. Or that he's happy when he is left alone in the crib room, instead of letting the other older babies touch him. I don't really like that much at all.....I would rather he be held and rocked at 4 months, instead of staring out the window all alone. OK...I'm going to bawl again. That is not the little boy I know, who loves to be read to, held, and played with. I never just leave him alone to stare out the window.

To the PP who wrote about wishing she made $30k so going back to work wouldn't be worth it...I SO AGREE WITH YOU 100%. I wish my salary wasn't so necessary, and my job so well earning. I would give it all up in a heartbeat, including the 4 years of grad school, just so I wouldn't have to worry about my DS alone at 4 months, staring out the window.

[Anonymous]

No four month old should be left alone to stare out a window. I would have serious reservations. Do you have any other daycare options? Can you afford a nannyshare? If I were you I would continue to look. You can always find something better out there. Bide your time with this daycare but seriously, a nannyshare might be better or smaller home daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No four month old should be left alone to stare out a window. I would have serious reservations. Do you have any other daycare options? Can you afford a nannyshare? If I were you I would continue to look. You can always find something better out there. Bide your time with this daycare but seriously, a nannyshare might be better or smaller home daycare.

I agree all these are strange observations about the daycare. You should consider looking at alternatives. There are so many good options out there! If you have any doubts or reservations I would not hesitate to look around.

I'm only speaking from my limited experience at a small home based care, and then at the center in my building, but both places really emphasized that they hug and hold and cuddle the babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. Thanks again, all. Very good tips. I asked if I could bring in a bumbo or bouncy chair or swing, and the answer was "no" to all. Frustrating, since that's what we use at home, and even just one may help with the transition better. But I understand the liability from their perspective. I did bring in his own Boppy, which he likes, and some toys. They kept leaving him in his car seat, so I thought a Boppy will at least let him join the group.

I will ask about the sling...perhaps that will be OK. One thing that did bother me, is they said that DS is "independent" and prefers to be "left alone" rather than having a lot of the teachers and other students "all up in his face" (their words, not mine). They told me that he likes when they put him in his boppy and let him stare out the window. Or that he's happy when he is left alone in the crib room, instead of letting the other older babies touch him. I don't really like that much at all.....I would rather he be held and rocked at 4 months, instead of staring out the window all alone. OK...I'm going to bawl again. That is not the little boy I know, who loves to be read to, held, and played with. I never just leave him alone to stare out the window.

To the PP who wrote about wishing she made $30k so going back to work wouldn't be worth it...I SO AGREE WITH YOU 100%. I wish my salary wasn't so necessary, and my job so well earning. I would give it all up in a heartbeat, including the 4 years of grad school, just so I wouldn't have to worry about my DS alone at 4 months, staring out the window.

I put that one part in bold because that sounds like a red flag to me. Are they trying to justify leaving him alone? It just sounds strange to me -- like maybe they are tired of his crying and are coming up with reasons to leave him alone. A baby that age needs constant attention, or at least be in a room with one or more adults. Can you possibly have a nanny or do a nanny share or do you have a relative nearby? Or can you talk with them about having an internet video camera set up there so you can see what is going on? I'm not trying to upset you -- but seriously that part in bold sounded strange to me and I think you should look into it.

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh, you are doing great and all of this will work out. I hope you can find a sweet nanny for your little guy. Or find someone at daycare who will take him under their wing. I'm sorry this all is so hard. The looking out the window is too much.

[Anonymous]

That looking out the window thing is weird. At our daycare, when a new baby that young comes in, the lead teacher basically holds the baby the entire day except when the baby is sleeping. My little guy started at 3.5 months, and he was "attached" to our lead teacher for the first 6 weeks. Every time I came to pick him up, she was either holding him, or she had him in the bouncey seat directly at her feet while she was feeding another little one so that she could keep an eye on him. Now at 6 months, he is so bonded to his teachers, especially the lead teacher. She is such a warm and loving person and my son clearly adores her-- you should feel good about the teachers in the room (especially the lead teacher), so listen to your gut...

Anyway, I think there are many moms on this board who have been in your shoes. Hang in there...

[Anonymous]

As other PPs have said, the staring out of the window seems like a red flag...at least to me.
It sounds like someone in an insane asylum rather than the loving/energetic daycare you are paying for???
...and I thought DS is inconsolable most of the day? So, is the staff able to calm him down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. Thanks again, all. Very good tips. I asked if I could bring in a bumbo or bouncy chair or swing, and the answer was "no" to all. Frustrating, since that's what we use at home, and even just one may help with the transition better. But I understand the liability from their perspective. I did bring in his own Boppy, which he likes, and some toys. They kept leaving him in his car seat, so I thought a Boppy will at least let him join the group.

I will ask about the sling...perhaps that will be OK. One thing that did bother me, is they said that DS is "independent" and prefers to be "left alone" rather than having a lot of the teachers and other students "all up in his face" (their words, not mine). They told me that he likes when they put him in his boppy and let him stare out the window. Or that he's happy when he is left alone in the crib room, instead of letting the other older babies touch him. I don't really like that much at all.....I would rather he be held and rocked at 4 months, instead of staring out the window all alone. OK...I'm going to bawl again. That is not the little boy I know, who loves to be read to, held, and played with. I never just leave him alone to stare out the window.

To the PP who wrote about wishing she made $30k so going back to work wouldn't be worth it...I SO AGREE WITH YOU 100%. I wish my salary wasn't so necessary, and my job so well earning. I would give it all up in a heartbeat, including the 4 years of grad school, just so I wouldn't have to worry about my DS alone at 4 months, staring out the window.

Oh my god, that is terrible. NO normal baby wants to look out a window all the time at 4 months. I don't even know what to say.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you can drop in at a random time during the day to check on what is really going on? I wouldn't necessarily jump to the worst conclusion. Maybe with all the noise and hubbub from the other kids, your son might be more sensitive to it since he is new to that situation and likes to be further apart.

Other ideas to help the separation: Can you leave something that smells like you with him, like a lovey or a blanket that you sleep with for a few nights? That might help him relax. Good luck, I know this situation is heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

When my daughter turned 2 months I had to leave her with my parents in Jersey because we are still on the waiting list for daycare. My parents said she was fussy the first day or two. Now two weeks later and it seems she's gotten settled. We're working with another couple to do nanny sharing while we wait for a spot to open up. At least you get to see your kid everyday. Think of parents who have to leave their kids with family and only see them on the weekends because they may not be able to find care, have a support system, or the money for childcare.