Add routine in young child questions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are thinking about medication but he's a new 4. He can't do any fine motor stuff for long like stickers etc. it's not an exaggeration to say 4 minutes. And that's remarkable more like 1-2. He does ot twice a week.

4-5 minutes for any single task is developmentally appropriate. You need to start thinking in those terms (slots of time) to organize your day. I have DS help me with laundry. He puts something on the hanger and is in charge of it hanging up in the closet. That keeps him busy (and focused) for a few minutes while I fold. I get him to run and grab things for me in the house, like my cell phone. He feels like he's being helpful, which is a plus. We take the trash out together. I mean, you get that these are things I involve him in, but basically manage myself? It's just to keep him moving through the hours. We'll drop and do elaborate leg lifts. He counts. I've had him try to hold a plank for as long as he can, which always ends in proud giggles. He organizes the pile of boots and shoes we have by the front door. I mean, there are loads of things besides puzzles. We play quick games of UNO (with all of the fancy cards removed) for our numbers, or I leave him to his Magformers and check in every few minutes. There are YouTube videos that he watches (mostly instructional, but sometimes just Hobby Kids) for a few minutes at a time. All of these activities break up the day. He'd sit through the entire series of Scooby Doo cartoons if I allowed it. But, I use short activities to divert him and give him opportunities for art or play. Four minutes of stickers is great! Try pipe cleaners, crayons, finger paint, gluing cotton balls...I've even dumped change on the table and presented DS with his robot coin thing to keep him occupied and that's a fine motor development activity right there.

You can do this, OP. Just think about keeping activities short and engaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are thinking about medication but he's a new 4. He can't do any fine motor stuff for long like stickers etc. it's not an exaggeration to say 4 minutes. And that's remarkable more like 1-2. He does ot twice a week.

4-5 minutes for any single task is developmentally appropriate. You need to start thinking in those terms (slots of time) to organize your day. I have DS help me with laundry. He puts something on the hanger and is in charge of it hanging up in the closet. That keeps him busy (and focused) for a few minutes while I fold. I get him to run and grab things for me in the house, like my cell phone. He feels like he's being helpful, which is a plus. We take the trash out together. I mean, you get that these are things I involve him in, but basically manage myself? It's just to keep him moving through the hours. We'll drop and do elaborate leg lifts. He counts. I've had him try to hold a plank for as long as he can, which always ends in proud giggles. He organizes the pile of boots and shoes we have by the front door. I mean, there are loads of things besides puzzles. We play quick games of UNO (with all of the fancy cards removed) for our numbers, or I leave him to his Magformers and check in every few minutes. There are YouTube videos that he watches (mostly instructional, but sometimes just Hobby Kids) for a few minutes at a time. All of these activities break up the day. He'd sit through the entire series of Scooby Doo cartoons if I allowed it. But, I use short activities to divert him and give him opportunities for art or play. Four minutes of stickers is great! Try pipe cleaners, crayons, finger paint, gluing cotton balls...I've even dumped change on the table and presented DS with his robot coin thing to keep him occupied and that's a fine motor development activity right there.

You can do this, OP. Just think about keeping activities short and engaging.

If anything, this illustrates to me how dire the issue is - this is OP here. My younger child, 2, we do thing likes help put away my clothes. My son would simply say, no, I am not going to help you, scream in my face, and if he did help, throw my shirts down the stairs. Would not answer if I asked for him to help find my phone. He also has a speech delay. Change he throws. My purse he flings down the stiairs. He will help me put away the groceries but is bored of it after like a minute and hitting things with the cucumbers. He loves to play wack things so I will chase him and sometimes I simply have to although I try to ignore. I wish I were just throwing up obstacles, but this is the sad truth. I have little houses to tuck animals in, I have boxes to play pretend with, pretend clothes, endless blocks, books, creative toys. I am trying. Play doh, we can do for 3 minutes. Get out all the toys and build a crazy pile we can do for maybe 5 minutes. If I had my son take out the trash he would run down the street. I am not kidding - I am limited here. I am a pretty careful, thoughtful parent, and I am TRYING - but honestly, this basic stuff isn't working. I do agree that I need to break the day into 5 minute chunks although omg it is endless. We have a tramp, he does not like jumping on it, maybe a minute, tops. Tent, same deal. Also, come on. I am a person too and I am starting to get SO RESENTFUL. Though that is a whole other issue.

What we really need is classes and structure. He has been found not eligible for child find, so no dice, but he is in a three day a week preschool, we do swimming and that's pretty much an ordeal for my husband because it is really a listening class. I have had a simply disastrous time with music and gym, he hits and is disruptive and runs away. Same dice with the park lately although we do keep trying. My daughter is 2 so that makes it hard. I do think I may have to hire a park accomplice.

As I mentioned, the TV thing is new, and started because he got to watch a show if he pooped in the toilet, something that took forever to get done. Trying to take away the reward slowly.

So, bottom line - I think I need some motion ideas that can be done in the house - I am liking the sensory sock, getting it. I like the idea of exercise videos and will try that tomorrow. Any good for kids recs? And other than that, I think classes are the way to go. Today was less awful because he had school and OT so, less time to mill around and go mad.

[Anonymous]

Depending on where you live, you might be close to a JW Tumbles or other kid's gym that has both classes and open play hours. Good luck, OP—I know it is exhausting, but you are doing a great job.

[Anonymous]

What we really need is classes and structure. He has been found not eligible for child find, so no dice,

I know you said he wasn't found eligible for Child Find but I find it difficult to believe (with the behaviors and challenges you described) that he isn't. I don't doubt that this what you were told but many of us on this forum know all too well about how difficult and quick to say no 'the system' can be. I think it would be worth it for you to work with a consultant/advocate to have Child Find reconsider that decision.

The special ed preschools really very good - at least in Virginia which is where my experience is. But, it doesn't matter which system you're in, they hoard their limited resources and you really need to advocate to get your DC what he needs. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What we really need is classes and structure. He has been found not eligible for child find, so no dice,

I know you said he wasn't found eligible for Child Find but I find it difficult to believe (with the behaviors and challenges you described) that he isn't. I don't doubt that this what you were told but many of us on this forum know all too well about how difficult and quick to say no 'the system' can be. I think it would be worth it for you to work with a consultant/advocate to have Child Find reconsider that decision.

The special ed preschools really very good - at least in Virginia which is where my experience is. But, it doesn't matter which system you're in, they hoard their limited resources and you really need to advocate to get your DC what he needs. GL.

what would we be pushing for? We are in VA. And how would I go about asking them to reconsider - simply call? Child Find is often at his school working with other children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What we really need is classes and structure. He has been found not eligible for child find, so no dice,

I know you said he wasn't found eligible for Child Find but I find it difficult to believe (with the behaviors and challenges you described) that he isn't. I don't doubt that this what you were told but many of us on this forum know all too well about how difficult and quick to say no 'the system' can be. I think it would be worth it for you to work with a consultant/advocate to have Child Find reconsider that decision.

The special ed preschools really very good - at least in Virginia which is where my experience is. But, it doesn't matter which system you're in, they hoard their limited resources and you really need to advocate to get your DC what he needs. GL.

what would we be pushing for? We are in VA. And how would I go about asking them to reconsider - simply call? Child Find is often at his school working with other children.

You would be pushing for your DS to be placed in the special ed preschool. It's an excellent preschool. The non-ASD classrooms are typically in the afternoon for half a day, every day. There's a low student/teacher ratio with highly qualified teachers. The reason I suggest working with an advocate is because, at this point, you are so new to the process and your learning curve so steep that it's unlikely you can navigate this on your own - at least in the beginning. Advocates/consultants know how to do this. They're not cheap but the good ones are immensely helpful and if your DS has severe ADHD, you're going to want to have your ducks in a row before he enters kindergarten.

I suspect the Child Find staff you see working at your DS's school are physical/speech/occupational therapists. Those services would be available at the special ed preschool if your DS gets in and qualifies for the services - but a advocate/consultant can give you a good idea of what you should/can expect from Child Find.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I really think the key here is 1) finding a better preschool option (preferably 5 days) that will be appropriate for ADHd kids (a Maddux type), and 2) start finding a good doc who is an expert in meds for preschool aged kids. These are going to be your game changers.

While you are at home, start trying to use what works to your advantage more. So he will do anything for tv? Up the ante for tv use. If he wants to watch a show, he needs to do X first. X might mean doing a less preferred activity for a specified time (play with play do without interrupting mommy for 10 minutes). Start with the bar way low for him to guarantee success and slowly raise it. If ten minutes of solo play is too much then start with 5 minutes for 10 minutes of tv. Then again, up the expectations. Use the tv to get the behavior you want to see. It's a moving target so you increase expected behavior slowly over time. My son will do anything for iPad. So we use it to help him learn how to do things that come less naturally to him. It works very well.

Try Dan Shapiro's class "Raising your challenging child".