"Mean Girls"

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you! This is very helpful. I knew I wasn't the only one. Would love to hear more stories. This mom in particular might be stuck in high school? Or can't be bothered parenting? Or both?

[Anonymous]

Because you're not mean when you diss someone else's parenting and kids online and anonymously! Let's offer each other advice about how we can be mean to the mean girls while appearing to be nice. We all know they just want their little brats to get an edge when, in fact, our vastly superior children deserve to be on top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you're not mean when you diss someone else's parenting and kids online and anonymously! Let's offer each other advice about how we can be mean to the mean girls while appearing to be nice. We all know they just want their little brats to get an edge when, in fact, our vastly superior children deserve to be on top.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who was getting a bad vibe from this thread!

OP, listen: if some parent truly is giving expensive gifts to the teachers then you don't need to worry because any good teacher will see the gift for what it is. If it is compensatory for the child's behavior the teacher will see that. And maybe there's not something terribly wrong with that? Maybe the parent knows her child takes extra work and was giving a gift as a "thank you" during Teacher Appreciation week (which did just happen, after all). If it is a bribe then the teacher will see that too. If you honestly believe that the teacher is taking a bribe and then taking out that parent's animosity on your child? Then you are in a very bad school.

It is possible that you are mistaking a small favor for a larger gift (since you won't specify the "gift" it's hard to say), for example what appears to be the "gift" of an item might actually be the return of something borrowed - a book, perhaps. Or a gift of treats to the class. Finally (and this one gets my bet), you may be a little paranoid - afraid that someone else is getting some of the positive attention that should be reserved for your child only.

[Anonymous]

"I notice that this is in practice during academic prize & award ceremonies at our school. Unfortunately, I've had to tell our DC that the award giving practice at the school is fake."


Yup.

[Anonymous]

Oh dear! I'd like to know which schools some of the PPs (such as 13:31 and 07:41) are enrolled in - in order to avoid them.

I want to avoid exposing my DC to such an non-nurturing and unhealthy social environment.

[Anonymous]

OP here - an almost $500. gift is not "something the fellow students should not be concerned about" nor is it "just a little gift from the kid who takes extra work". It is a bribe, for heaven's sake! I think I'm being pretty clear here. I suspect the naysayers might be the problem parents? I really appreciate hearing from people at my end instead of more "mean girls".

[Anonymous]

6:44 - isn't it you whom is paranoid?

[Anonymous]

PP here - 7:17 a bit too, perhaps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6:44 - isn't it you whom is paranoid?

No, but I am grammatical!

Who said anything about paranoia? I think you're imagining things (again?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6:44 - isn't it you whom is paranoid?

Setting aside the poor grammar, this still doesn't make sense. Exactly how is PP 6:44 paranoid by pointing out inconsistencies in the OPs logic? (Unless she's paranoid about the existence of helicopter parents of course, but there's plenty of evidence to suggest they're out there.)

If OP is unwilling or unable to back up her story with something concrete she sounds like a bit of paranoid nutcase: slamming other parents without any substantiated cause. The PP is not "paranoid" for noticing that, she's analytical. If you can't tell the difference then I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - an almost $500. gift is not "something the fellow students should not be concerned about" nor is it "just a little gift from the kid who takes extra work". It is a bribe, for heaven's sake! I think I'm being pretty clear here. I suspect the naysayers might be the problem parents? I really appreciate hearing from people at my end instead of more "mean girls".

I'm two pages into this thread and I still can't tell what's going on. Are you saying that somebody gave a teacher $500 to be mean to your child?

For the record, I really can easily think of ways this supposed $500 still isn't a big deal. For example, is it an ugly old Hermes scarf that's "valued at" $500 (but is actually worthless if you don't like enough to wear to but can't bring yourself to throw away because after all it's vintage Hermes)? I haven't done this myself, but I do have an ugly old vintage Hermes scarf that I have considered giving away on more than one occasion. I mention this because your insistence that it is a valuable gift is not yet persuasive. One man's trash is another man's treasure, as they say.

OTOH, if it was a $500 check then you MAY have a situation (assuming the teacher hasn't been doing anything like tutoring or artwork to earn the money). But in that case, why are you so damn cagey about the details?

Still, even if you've got a potentially inappropriate $500 payment you still haven't explained what this has to do with YOUR child. Why are you so convinced that this $500 is quid pro quo for the teacher to deliberately treat your child in a negative fashion?

I mean if there's something so obvious here that I'm missing, it still doesn't explain why you haven't gone to the administration?

There's just something seriously weird about this story!

And for the record, please stop your pitiful, intelligence-insulting attempts to deflect by suggesting that just because people are grilling you on the specifics of your story (which is pretty incoherent) it automatically means we're "mean girls." All it means is that we're not logically challenged. If you'd just make some damn sense people would be more than happy to empathize with you, that IS why we're taking the time to respond after all.

[Anonymous]

11:25 needs to take it outside. OP is wondering who has come across this, not who has *not* come across this. The ones who feel threatened are usually the ones in the wrong. She didn't ask for opposition, she asked for support.

That said, I have not personally come across this, but it sounds like the moms who want their girls to be cheerleaders - at any cost!

[Anonymous]

Isn't it best to give at the end of the year so it is not construed as a bribe by any party? This suggestion was on another thread, and it seems pertinent.

[Anonymous]

Although I haven't come accross this personally, and I can understand OPs ire to some extent... I have to ask -- really, is this worth getting all worked up about?

You will have brown nosers of various sorts in every walk of life. If this woman were going after YOUR kid specifically, that might be different. But the fact is, she's buttering up the teacher for the BENEFIT of her kid (and by extension to the detriment of the other 30 kids in the class). But it doesn't sound like your child is being singled out for bad treatment. People have different levels of resources and different morals about appropriate ways to use those resources-- but that isn't going to change. On some level, this is a variation on the "keeping up with the Jones'es" issue. I think the best way to handle it is to pull your daughter aside, and tell her why you don't think its appropriate, and why you're not going to play that game. Its a good lesson to learn early in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here - 7:17 a bit too, perhaps?

Not even a smidge. The word you're looking for is skeptical.

Paranoid is when you see conspiracies everywhere, even when they are unfounded and do not exist (sound familiar?). Skeptical is when paranoiacs tell you about their conspiracies and you do not believe them.