Talk me out of having a third child? or not?
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Anonymous
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We have three and it's very hard to do financially in this area, unless you can afford the outrageous daycare or nannies. Our third child is the sweetest most amazing kid and is so chill and easygoing, we couldn't have asked for a better baby. But it has been stressful on our finances, marriage, space and lifestyle. We believe it's worth it, and have embraced the sacrifices. But we had to purchase a larger car and now have our older two sharing a bedroom. I had #3 at age 39, and can also tell you that the pregnancy was much physically harder and more complicated than my other two. Recovery also took much longer. I am much more tired with three to care for, respond to, and chase after. The zone defense analogy is true. I'm tired. All the time.
That being said, do you have family close by or a support network? I think that makes a huge difference. We do not and its hard. My friends with 3-4 kids with family nearby have great situations where grandparents often stay to help, so more options for date nights, babysitting, child care, occasional meals prepped at grandmas house, etc. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Yeah, when shit hits the wall from 10 feet away, he's going to give you The Look and walk away. You need to be both in 100% for something this big. |
Anonymous
| I"m expecting #3. Older two will be 5 an 3. Very wanted child but I'm scared. No family in the area, really. |
Anonymous
PP here with kids spaced identically to yours. We have no family either. Do you work and will need daycare? We are doing daycare and it was very hard and costly at first. Before DC 1 went to Kinder we had to pay three daycare tuitions for 6 months and it killed us financially. Plan ahead. Find a good babysitter if you can. Plan meals ahead of time. We do a lot or casseroles and frozen pre-made meals that I prep on the weekend. There are times when the kids have pb and j for dinner with soup, and that is ok. You definitely learn to go with the flow. #3 is generally most laid back bc he/she is entertained by the older two and goes along with them. Mine are now 7, 5, and 2 and its startinf to get easier bc oldest two are now in school (no daycare!) and #3 sleeps well, is potty training, and pretty much just wants to play with the older ones. The first two years are very hard ESP if you have to pay for childcare. |
Anonymous
+2 Hope you are ready to assume the lion's share of hands-on work for #3. |
Anonymous
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i will answer this question several ways
Age: yes, but 37 is way harder than 32 and 34. Totally doable, but harder. Finances: yes, but it will be tighter. 3 kids are expensive and we are wealthy. But, life is about choices. I'd do things fife rent if we had less to still have 3 kids, but I'd still have 3. Spouse not 100% on board. This is a problem. If he isn't on board because he is exhausted or concerned about finances then you can talk him into it. Otherwise don't do it. You can always adopt or foster an older children in 10 years. |
Anonymous
Exactly. Non starter |
Anonymous
| No. - Mom of 4 (last 2 were surprise twins) |
Anonymous
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As a working mom HELL NO. I have just enough time down to the second for the two of them. Add a third and all 3 will get shafted in some way.
Another kid would be for me and would be selfish, plus I'd NEVER consider having a third with a partner that was not fully onboard. I have two healthy kids who are perfectly healthy, not interested in tempting fate. |
Anonymous
| Oh and we are saving 400k for two to go to college. I'm not saving 600k or robbing the other twos education. |
Anonymous
| I think you should continue to talk to your DH about this, and that you should listen very carefully to what he says. |
Anonymous
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DS's BF is one of three really awesome boys - so this is an outsiders view into a family that we are very close with. Both parents work insane schedules & nanny is great but stretched thin; their house is in perpetual chaos. They can't afford to go anywhere with the whole family (5 flight tix, plus an extra room at nearly every hotel). They were counting on going to the very good local public schools, but it turns out oldest needs a lot more support & the second has dyslexia - so they are exploring private schools for at least 2/3 kids. They have zero in college savings. They're sad that their extended family won't stay with them any more because of the 'circus' atmosphere - so all of their original hopes for big, extended family holidays are not happening. They frequently mention feeling exhausted, as if they are gasping for breath and trying to keep everything from sinking. They feel guilty that their kids can't do as many enrichment activities or wind up having to sit around at one another's activities a lot because of the expense & scheduling - (both work late + weekends & nanny can't be in more than one place at a time). They adore their kids, but really don't seem very happy.
If you're still serious about this, do you have any young nieces/nephews that you can host for a week or two this summer to give it a test run? It would give their parents a break & you a chance to test your capacity to function with an extra child in the mix. |
Anonymous
This is why we stopped at 2. |
Anonymous
We stopped at one. I wanted more but with jobs, elder care, tight finances I knew we could not handle more. I see people wanting everything--3 kids, pets, bigger house and car. They are stretched every way possible. Does not look fun or even healthy. |