For sexless marriage veterans....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just sad! Anybody living in a sexless marriage has only him/herself to blame. I could NOT live in my sexless marriage. Guess what I did? I manned-the-F up and told her we better "fix" this immediately otherwise she must choose between me remaining married or monogamous. Guess what SHE did? Suddenly "found" her lost libido, and we've stayed married with a normal sex life ever since.

Moral to this story: do NOT just wait for something to change. YOU must act, and you must be willing to risk the marriage to actually save it.

+1

Not communicating is just foolish!

[Anonymous]

Attractive and fit DW. I have expressed nicely and angrily my frustration. Changes? None. I get rebuffed daily.

My new years resolution is to move on emotionally and physically.

In the meantime I'm taking action to up my outward appearance -just for me. If something good or physical happens as a result-bonus.

If another M finds me appealing and something happens, it won't be because I didn't communicate, beg, plead, yell about my dismay in my marriage to my partner.

[Anonymous]

It is sad. And depressing. And frustrating.

A person can communicate their desires until they are blue in the face. It doesn't mean their mate will receive the message or change their behavior.

But you can't blame yourself.

It only makes you all the more sad, depressed, and frustrated. And it's not your fault. No one would choose to be in a passionless marriage.

It just is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Sexless marriage here. Almost 20 years of marriage. Have had sex once in the last 5 years and that conceived child #2. Sex life was never good. Likely won't ever be. I survive with Work. Children. Lots of daydreaming. Sexual prime has peaked. Sad in a major way but I feel like it's too late now to start over or fix it.

[Anonymous]

wow... this is really depressing to read.
Im obviously in a similar situation. Been living with a GF for about 2 years, it was great at the beginning but sex life has somehow faded, my sex drive is still high could do it every night, she can go without it for a week or 2. We do it roghly 2x a week because I want it and have to initiate almost every time. Once a year sounds like the worst nightmare

Tried to talk but she gets really defensive and upset if I bring up me being sexually lonely... I hate to admit it but I cheated to get some elsewhere. I feel bad about it but since talking didnt help I just did it.

Almost every day I think about just breaking this off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow... this is really depressing to read.
Im obviously in a similar situation. Been living with a GF for about 2 years, it was great at the beginning but sex life has somehow faded, my sex drive is still high could do it every night, she can go without it for a week or 2. We do it roghly 2x a week because I want it and have to initiate almost every time. Once a year sounds like the worst nightmare

Tried to talk but she gets really defensive and upset if I bring up me being sexually lonely... I hate to admit it but I cheated to get some elsewhere. I feel bad about it but since talking didnt help I just did it.

Almost every day I think about just breaking this off

You do need to break it off. Do it soon. There are high drive women, and you need one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow... this is really depressing to read.
Im obviously in a similar situation. Been living with a GF for about 2 years, it was great at the beginning but sex life has somehow faded, my sex drive is still high could do it every night, she can go without it for a week or 2. We do it roghly 2x a week because I want it and have to initiate almost every time. Once a year sounds like the worst nightmare

Tried to talk but she gets really defensive and upset if I bring up me being sexually lonely... I hate to admit it but I cheated to get some elsewhere. I feel bad about it but since talking didnt help I just did it.

Almost every day I think about just breaking this off

You do need to break it off. Do it soon. There are high drive women, and you need one.

Thanks, I just find it hard.. she is so great otherwise and when we actually do it its amazing and I do feel wanted then, I just need it much more ... I think Im attractive enough, work out, every single previous girl wanted me every night and I end up in this..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow... this is really depressing to read.
Im obviously in a similar situation. Been living with a GF for about 2 years, it was great at the beginning but sex life has somehow faded, my sex drive is still high could do it every night, she can go without it for a week or 2. We do it roghly 2x a week because I want it and have to initiate almost every time. Once a year sounds like the worst nightmare

Tried to talk but she gets really defensive and upset if I bring up me being sexually lonely... I hate to admit it but I cheated to get some elsewhere. I feel bad about it but since talking didnt help I just did it.

Almost every day I think about just breaking this off

You do need to break it off. Do it soon. There are high drive women, and you need one.

Thanks, I just find it hard.. she is so great otherwise and when we actually do it its amazing and I do feel wanted then, I just need it much more ... I think Im attractive enough, work out, every single previous girl wanted me every night and I end up in this..

Listen, I am married with kids and really committed, but it is hard and I am on my own sexually. You do know what you need to do. This is a priority you need to honor for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexless marriage here. Almost 20 years of marriage. Have had sex once in the last 5 years and that conceived child #2. Sex life was never good. Likely won't ever be. I survive with Work. Children. Lots of daydreaming. Sexual prime has peaked. Sad in a major way but I feel like it's too late now to start over or fix it.

Is this a WOHM issue? I am seeing a trend on DCUM today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just sad! Anybody living in a sexless marriage has only him/herself to blame. I could NOT live in my sexless marriage. Guess what I did? I manned-the-F up and told her we better "fix" this immediately otherwise she must choose between me remaining married or monogamous. Guess what SHE did? Suddenly "found" her lost libido, and we've stayed married with a normal sex life ever since.

Moral to this story: do NOT just wait for something to change. YOU must act, and you must be willing to risk the marriage to actually save it.

Okay. But blackmailing a partner into sex is not appealing to everyone. One of the PPs said it felt unnatural and forced, and I believe that it would feel like this to most people. The fact that it's okay with you does not speak very well of you.

As far as blame, I never think about blame in marriage. It is too subjective of a concept to be useful in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow... this is really depressing to read.
Im obviously in a similar situation. Been living with a GF for about 2 years, it was great at the beginning but sex life has somehow faded, my sex drive is still high could do it every night, she can go without it for a week or 2. We do it roghly 2x a week because I want it and have to initiate almost every time. Once a year sounds like the worst nightmare

Tried to talk but she gets really defensive and upset if I bring up me being sexually lonely... I hate to admit it but I cheated to get some elsewhere. I feel bad about it but since talking didnt help I just did it.

Almost every day I think about just breaking this off

Hello, its your future writing in. You were too chicken to break it off and break her heart so you married her. She got pregnant twice, you had sex 7 times in 2 years, then barely at all when the kids were young. You had two affairs, one with the crazy waitress at the bar, who flipped out and ratted you to your wife who left you and now you see your kids part time and live in a small apartment while she kept the house.

Back to the present. You aren't compatible. Break it off.

[Anonymous]

I don't even see how this is a problem in a GF/BF situation. I could see if you were married for 10 years with young children, but BF/GFs are infinitely easier to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just sad! Anybody living in a sexless marriage has only him/herself to blame. I could NOT live in my sexless marriage. Guess what I did? I manned-the-F up and told her we better "fix" this immediately otherwise she must choose between me remaining married or monogamous. Guess what SHE did? Suddenly "found" her lost libido, and we've stayed married with a normal sex life ever since.

Moral to this story: do NOT just wait for something to change. YOU must act, and you must be willing to risk the marriage to actually save it.

+1,000,000 this is the correct advice on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow... this is really depressing to read.
Im obviously in a similar situation. Been living with a GF for about 2 years, it was great at the beginning but sex life has somehow faded, my sex drive is still high could do it every night, she can go without it for a week or 2. We do it roghly 2x a week because I want it and have to initiate almost every time. Once a year sounds like the worst nightmare

Tried to talk but she gets really defensive and upset if I bring up me being sexually lonely... I hate to admit it but I cheated to get some elsewhere. I feel bad about it but since talking didnt help I just did it.

Almost every day I think about just breaking this off

Hello, its your future writing in. You were too chicken to break it off and break her heart so you married her. She got pregnant twice, you had sex 7 times in 2 years, then barely at all when the kids were young. You had two affairs, one with the crazy waitress at the bar, who flipped out and ratted you to your wife who left you and now you see your kids part time and live in a small apartment while she kept the house.

Back to the present. You aren't compatible. Break it off.

+1, so accurate it hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just sad! Anybody living in a sexless marriage has only him/herself to blame. I could NOT live in my sexless marriage. Guess what I did? I manned-the-F up and told her we better "fix" this immediately otherwise she must choose between me remaining married or monogamous. Guess what SHE did? Suddenly "found" her lost libido, and we've stayed married with a normal sex life ever since.

Moral to this story: do NOT just wait for something to change. YOU must act, and you must be willing to risk the marriage to actually save it.

+1,000,000 this is the correct advice on so many levels.

correct for some people in some situations. when young kids are involved in the picture, this becomes much, much harder.