Sexless marriage and

[Anonymous]

The answer will depend if you are a woman or a man. If you are a woman go find happiness screw the guy. If you are a man, do more house work and tough it out.

[Anonymous]

Has something changed since you first met? Does your partner want to be attracted to you again?

Find the problem, find a plan to work on it/talk about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:your partner tells you they do not feel attracted to you. How do you live out the rest of your life like this?

You mean they don't feel attracted to you AND won't have sex with you? Or they said they're not attracted to you but they still offer occasional maintenance sex?

I suppose it depends on age and how much is invested in the relationship and how it is otherwise. If I'm in my 30's or 40's I'd be out the door. If I was in my 50's (as I am) and had 30 years invested in the marriage that's a tough call. Not sure what I'd do. I could always leave but as someone in my 50's there's really no guarantee I'd find anyone else anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your partner tells you they do not feel attracted to you. How do you live out the rest of your life like this?

You mean they don't feel attracted to you AND won't have sex with you? Or they said they're not attracted to you but they still offer occasional maintenance sex?

I suppose it depends on age and how much is invested in the relationship and how it is otherwise. If I'm in my 30's or 40's I'd be out the door. If I was in my 50's (as I am) and had 30 years invested in the marriage that's a tough call. Not sure what I'd do. I could always leave but as someone in my 50's there's really no guarantee I'd find anyone else anyway.

This. I'm in a completely sexless marriage. DW says that she lost all interest in sex after giving birth. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. If this had happened earlier in our relationship, when we had a great sex life, I would have been out the door. But I'm in my 50s now and feel that I probably wouldn't find anyone to whom I'm attracted that would also be attracted to me. In all other ways, DW is great. So I've just accepted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your partner tells you they do not feel attracted to you. How do you live out the rest of your life like this?

You mean they don't feel attracted to you AND won't have sex with you? Or they said they're not attracted to you but they still offer occasional maintenance sex?

I suppose it depends on age and how much is invested in the relationship and how it is otherwise. If I'm in my 30's or 40's I'd be out the door. If I was in my 50's (as I am) and had 30 years invested in the marriage that's a tough call. Not sure what I'd do. I could always leave but as someone in my 50's there's really no guarantee I'd find anyone else anyway.

This. I'm in a completely sexless marriage. DW says that she lost all interest in sex after giving birth. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. If this had happened earlier in our relationship, when we had a great sex life, I would have been out the door. But I'm in my 50s now and feel that I probably wouldn't find anyone to whom I'm attracted that would also be attracted to me. In all other ways, DW is great. So I've just accepted it.

I'm the quoted PP, and yes, exactly. At some point there is a diminishing return in leaving an otherwise good relationship for sex that you may or may not even be able to find. Even if you did, at this age who is to say how long that would really continue and then you've thrown away a long term marriage and family and will probably still have little or no sex. This is a no win decision.

In my 30's though I'd have left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your partner how you feel (rejected, hurt, angry).

Have an open, honest, somewhat painful discussion of what's going on.

Both then commit to change: losing weight, getting in shape, helping each other more with house/bills/kids/schoolwork/IL & sibling issues. Talk some more. Talk again.

Have sex ANYWAY! It's a must to create/build/restore intimacy.

Have time away from the kids to rediscover each other. Enlist parents, friends, sitters if needed.

Do this to SAVE your marriage. It's on the brink. Save it for each other -- and for the kids. (Divorce is no fun. Neither are blended family situations -- flame me if you need to, but it's true. It's full of jealousy and residual pain that can drone on for decades.)

Revisit. Repeat. Revisit again. Repeat again.
Do this until you rediscover each other, your love, why you took your marriage vows in the first place.

Finally, give up if necessary for your sanity. At least you will know that you tried.

Good luck.

+1 It's a hard process to go thru when your spouse no longer acts like they love you, it's deep hurt everyday. Try. Try. Try. Counseling is a must. Divorce is no fun.

This route is going to be difficult, but worth it, I think. I feel that way about my spouse (not attracted to him) but willing to have sex and stay with family (We are both mid 40s). It may or may not last.

[Anonymous]

I got divorced. I longed for, loved and desired my spouse and couldn't stand them turning me away constantly or the ambivalence. It killed my confidence and my self esteem took a huge hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your partner tells you they do not feel attracted to you. How do you live out the rest of your life like this?

You mean they don't feel attracted to you AND won't have sex with you? Or they said they're not attracted to you but they still offer occasional maintenance sex?

I suppose it depends on age and how much is invested in the relationship and how it is otherwise. If I'm in my 30's or 40's I'd be out the door. If I was in my 50's (as I am) and had 30 years invested in the marriage that's a tough call. Not sure what I'd do. I could always leave but as someone in my 50's there's really no guarantee I'd find anyone else anyway.

I don't know -- there is talk of retirement communities where STDs are rampant.