WHY do men love to give the silent treatment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a major red flag to me, OP. The silent treatment is punishment dolled out by a teenager- not an adult male. If he needs some time to cool down before talking about the issue, fine. A few hours or an evening should suffice. But if he's trying to "punish" you while still not dealing with the issues at hand, you've got much bigger problems on your plate.

+1

A mature person would say, "I'm really upset about what you said this morning, and I need some time to cool off and think." An immature person just stops talking to you. I have no patience for that crap. It's not your job to drive over and give him a BJ so he won't be mad anymore.

amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a major red flag to me, OP. The silent treatment is punishment dolled out by a teenager- not an adult male. If he needs some time to cool down before talking about the issue, fine. A few hours or an evening should suffice. But if he's trying to "punish" you while still not dealing with the issues at hand, you've got much bigger problems on your plate.

+1

A mature person would say, "I'm really upset about what you said this morning, and I need some time to cool off and think." An immature person just stops talking to you. I have no patience for that crap. It's not your job to drive over and give him a BJ so he won't be mad anymore.

amen.

Agreed. The silent treatment is very immature and disrespectful. That is not how adults operate.

[Anonymous]

Read a John Gottman book. This is called Stonewalling and a HUGE predictor of divorce. Don't ever stay with someone who does one (or all)of what John Gottman calls the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

http://www.couplestherapyinc.com/gottman-four-horsemen-of-the-apocalypse/

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the silent treatment is better if the other party has nothing better to say and doesn't want to say something he or she will regret later on. Words cannot be undone. The damage is greater than the you can imagine if someone uttered something at an inopportune moment and later wishes they hadn't.

Let him stew or whatever he needs to do to get over something, that may be his coping method.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently on day 3 now. He's driving me crazy.

Because you won't have sex with him, so he's giving you the cold shoulder.

Nope thats not it. Had a small fight- barely even a fight. Now he wont call or return my texts

Small fight to you. Apparently it was a much bigger deal to him. Might want to figure out why that is.

But how if hes not responding. We dont live together

Consider this a blessing and move on. He's obviously completely emotionally immature, and that will only get worse if you move in together/get married.

+1000

I grew up with it and married a man who does it. Be glad you know now and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the silent treatment is better if the other party has nothing better to say and doesn't want to say something he or she will regret later on. Words cannot be undone. The damage is greater than the you can imagine if someone uttered something at an inopportune moment and later wishes they hadn't.

Let him stew or whatever he needs to do to get over something, that may be his coping method.

No. He needs to advise the Op if he is too heated to discuss something and then come back to address the problem in a reasonable time frame. Three days is not reasonable. I have no doubt it's his coping method but he needs a new one pronto because healthy adults don't do this, nor do they accept it from others.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy who has been dating his GF for 3.5 years and I haven't ever given her the silent treatment. Only immature assholes do this.

[Anonymous]

break up. this is craziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the silent treatment is better if the other party has nothing better to say and doesn't want to say something he or she will regret later on. Words cannot be undone. The damage is greater than the you can imagine if someone uttered something at an inopportune moment and later wishes they hadn't.

Let him stew or whatever he needs to do to get over something, that may be his coping method.

No. He needs to advise the Op if he is too heated to discuss something and then come back to address the problem in a reasonable time frame. Three days is not reasonable. I have no doubt it's his coping method but he needs a new one pronto because healthy adults don't do this, nor do they accept it from others.

three days is reasonable - that's a weekend to get away and blow off steam.

a week would be unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

This is just a common power trip that people use to hurt someone else.

It is a cruel way to treat someone you supposedly love in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Silent treatment from a guy? Ugh...so not masculine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a major red flag to me, OP. The silent treatment is punishment dolled out by a teenager- not an adult male. If he needs some time to cool down before talking about the issue, fine. A few hours or an evening should suffice. But if he's trying to "punish" you while still not dealing with the issues at hand, you've got much bigger problems on your plate.

+1

A mature person would say, "I'm really upset about what you said this morning, and I need some time to cool off and think." An immature person just stops talking to you. I have no patience for that crap. It's not your job to drive over and give him a BJ so he won't be mad anymore.

amen.

+1. My ex's failure to deal with conflict was a major cause of our divorce. He remains incredibly passive aggressive, and can't communicate effectively. Sadly, it has impacted his career and his relationship with our kids. But this is how he grew up, I guess it's comfortable for him than to get therapy and work on his issues. And yes, I am in therapy to learn how I can communicate better, and also why I choose someone like this to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently on day 3 now. He's driving me crazy.

Because you won't have sex with him, so he's giving you the cold shoulder.

Nope thats not it. Had a small fight- barely even a fight. Now he wont call or return my texts

You know what you did and you have done it before...you just don't care. Now you don't care that you hurt him, just that it's inconvenient for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silent treatment from a guy? Ugh...so not masculine.

But if he expressed his feelings, you'd complain about that too, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Silent treatment from a guy? Ugh...so not masculine.

But if he expressed his feelings, you'd complain about that too, amirite?

Nope. Directness is best. We're adults here.