Best way to ask about inheritance?

[Anonymous]

Next time she brings it up, say that you want her wishes to be honored and that having this documented in her will is best way to make sure the family is able to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even less classy than your "leeching" cousins, OP.

UM NO! my leeching cousins robbed her outright and constantly fraud her. I NEVER asked for a dime from her and love her unconditionally wether she leaves me anything or not. She has spoken a few times about leaving a home of hers in my name WITHOUT me asking her but she constantly changes of who she will give what. I have a strong interest in the home and unsure if I should BUY it or if she is leaving it to me anyway then why would I buy it? I know that by the time she passes my leeching cousins will be all over everything and might even fraud me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even less classy than your "leeching" cousins, OP.

UM NO! my leeching cousins robbed her outright and constantly fraud her. I NEVER asked for a dime from her and love her unconditionally wether she leaves me anything or not. She has spoken a few times about leaving a home of hers in my name WITHOUT me asking her but she constantly changes of who she will give what. I have a strong interest in the home and unsure if I should BUY it or if she is leaving it to me anyway then why would I buy it? I know that by the time she passes my leeching cousins will be all over everything and might even fraud me.

Then have a frank conversation about the house. Offer to buy it. (Leave any discussion of your cousins out of it.)

[Anonymous]

You don't ask. The end. How do people not know these things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't ask. The end. How do people not know these things?

Personally, I wouldn't mind if a relative asked me what I was leaving them in my will but everyone is different.

[Anonymous]

Encourage her to see a lawyer and have a will drafted.

[Anonymous]

Is this your mom or grandma? I'm surprised you wouldn't know. We all know who the executor is for my grandparents estate and exactly how much we're getting. We also know what possessions are being left to us (they're tagged and we were asked in order of our birth).

Please make sure she doesn't die without a will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even less classy than your "leeching" cousins, OP.

UM NO! my leeching cousins robbed her outright and constantly fraud her. I NEVER asked for a dime from her and love her unconditionally wether she leaves me anything or not. She has spoken a few times about leaving a home of hers in my name WITHOUT me asking her but she constantly changes of who she will give what. I have a strong interest in the home and unsure if I should BUY it or if she is leaving it to me anyway then why would I buy it? I know that by the time she passes my leeching cousins will be all over everything and might even fraud me.

Then have a frank conversation about the house. Offer to buy it. (Leave any discussion of your cousins out of it.)

Tell her you really love the house and offer to buy it. If she's planning to leave it to you, she'll probably tell you then. If she's not, you can buy the house.

[Anonymous]

My dad and mom both have casually mentioned that they want to leave X to the grandkids, Y to so & so, etc etc etc. They just updated their will and none of that is in there - my response was "I really want to honor your wishes and I think this will covers a good amount, but there are certain details over the years I've heard you express a preference for that aren't captured here. Would you like to document those? I don't think I'll be in a position to advocate that you wanted X&Y if another sibling remembers something else - we'll all end up deferring to the documentation here out of respect and love for you - and to avoid conflicts, so whatever preferences you do have, please make sure they're documented here and I will do my best to honor that."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even less classy than your "leeching" cousins, OP.

UM NO! my leeching cousins robbed her outright and constantly fraud her. I NEVER asked for a dime from her and love her unconditionally wether she leaves me anything or not. She has spoken a few times about leaving a home of hers in my name WITHOUT me asking her but she constantly changes of who she will give what. I have a strong interest in the home and unsure if I should BUY it or if she is leaving it to me anyway then why would I buy it? I know that by the time she passes my leeching cousins will be all over everything and might even fraud me.

Then have a frank conversation about the house. Offer to buy it. (Leave any discussion of your cousins out of it.)

Tell her you really love the house and offer to buy it. If she's planning to leave it to you, she'll probably tell you then. If she's not, you can buy the house.

This, above.

Do not mention her leaving you anything. Do not mention wills or cousins.

Just say outright that you love the house and would like to buy it, now. But only do it if you really DO plan to buy it. She might say she's going to leave it to you, but as you already know yourself, she might change her mind, and if she's susceptible to being defrauded by relatives, once your cousins hear you're interested in the house, they might just talk her into leaving it to -- or selling it now to-- one of them, so they can sell it to you themselves when she's dead.

Of course they'd get the money anyway, if she leaves you the house and your payment for it goes into her estate which they inherit.

Can you live with that? Do you love the house enough to just buy it sooner, not later, and know that the money might end up with the cousins?

If you answer yes to that question, buy the house. Don't wait for it to be left to you in a will. Buy it.

If you answer no to that question, and say you can't live with the idea of the cousins getting the money you pay for the house-- then you are in the end less interested in owning the house than you are in keeping money out of your cousins' hands, so in that case: Say nothing at all about the house, inheritance, wills or anythign else. Just visit her, gather her stories, make memories with her while you can and let that be the whole inheritance.

Do not rely on anything she says about leaving you the house. She might do it or might not. Worst case would be if she left it jointly to you and some cousins. There is no nightmare quite like owning property with other people. I've seen it tear otherwise decent relationships to pieces, as cousins fought over selling or not selling, or buying each other out, or amounts for buyouts, etc. Either buy the house yourself, outright, while she's still alive, or assume you are not getting it when she dies. Maybe she'd leave it to you wholly but you cannot trust to that.

[Anonymous]

Don't ask about inheritance. It's tacky, and the answer is unreliable anyway.

Do ask if she would be willing to sell you her house, with the built in contractual arrangement that she can live there for the remainder of her life (which you will tell her you hope is for decades more right?!)

There are all kinds of ways you can set this up so that she is protected and you can legally buy the property. If she wants to give you a great deal on it in the process that's great, and can serve in lieu of any inheritance or whatever - but that has to be done of her own free will.

Broach the subject w/ her (and don't involve other family) and take it from there.

Know that you may be inviting lots of family drama in doing this of course so be sure you have a good lawyer supporting the contractual process if you move forward w/ a purchase.

[Anonymous]

Not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure tax implications are different if you buy it (even for a low amount) than if you inherent. My grandmother knew I loved a bracelet she wore everyday because of the story around it and I'm very glad she left it to me.

[Anonymous]

Totally unrealiable. My father always talked about the 7 figure inheritance he was leaving me. Got married a few months before he died and left everything to new wife. Which is totally fine, it was his money to do with it what he wanted and he was extremely generous when he was alive with money and affection. I don't believe new wife ended up getting all that much. Maybe Dad misjudged his assets or spent it. Do not let inheritance consume your time, it just causes unnecessary tension. You get what you get. you can figure out what to do with it when it is yours....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally unrealiable. My father always talked about the 7 figure inheritance he was leaving me. Got married a few months before he died and left everything to new wife. Which is totally fine, it was his money to do with it what he wanted and he was extremely generous when he was alive with money and affection. I don't believe new wife ended up getting all that much. Maybe Dad misjudged his assets or spent it. Do not let inheritance consume your time, it just causes unnecessary tension. You get what you get. you can figure out what to do with it when it is yours....

You sound way too mature for this forum.