Advice Needed regarding Grandparents and Alcohol

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't understand why you would send your daughter to spend an entire week alone with a control freak that you don't like and an alcoholic. I'm glad you have decided not to do this anymore.

That said, I don't know if stepmom is a kind or loving person - she might be, and maybe daughter likes her? If so, there is nothing wrong with letting your daughter have a fond and loving relationship with a person who has alcoholism. You just can't leave her alone with them, and certainly never overnight.

You can travel to them yourself, stay in a hotel, and meet for dinners or outings. You could invite them to stay with you in your house, where safety issues won't come up.

It's okay for your daughter to see her step grandmother drinking, even drinking heavily, unless her behavior is scary in some way, but it sounds like she is the kind of alcoholic who can pass as sober around most people, not a falling down drunk. That doesn't make her a role model for your daughter; on the contrary, you can talk about the difficulty and pain of alcohol addiction and help your daughter understand why it is something to avoid in her future. That doesn't mean she can't love her step grandmother and spend time with her under your supervision, though.

Your father is a different story, though. I'm still struggling to understand why you would subject your daughter to spending time with someone who sounds unpleasant. Someone who doesn't want you in his home is showing you immense disrespect, and I don't understand why you would want your daughter to spend time with someone who respects and values you so little.

[Anonymous]

I'd allow your dad to visit, and I'd consider allowing the wife to stay with us as well under certain circumstances (no car access, for one), but if not, then either grandpa can come visit solo or they can stay at a nearby hotel for their visit.

I would not send daughter to their house again.

I'd offer to meet up in neutral locations.