has anyone ever seen a narcissist change or is that a fool's wish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is a narcissist. I have finally given up on him. I stopped calling, but made it clear to him that he can always call me, that he's always invited to visit, that I love him, but that I will no longer reach out to him (because my hand always gets bitten!) he must reach out to me.

It's been six years, and I have not heard a single word from my brother. Not an email, nor phone call, nor even so much as a Christmas card. He's my only sibling, and I miss him, but the pain he caused me only stopped when I stopped trying to have a relationship with him that was doomed to failure.

It's hard to let go, OP, but do it for yourself. The pain of not seeing my brother is less than the pain of interacting with him. When I was able to accept this, I was able to let go, finally. And I feel better.

OP here. Thank you again, all the posters, for your responses. It all helps. Question for you, PP, does your brother have kids? Because my sister's kids --my niece and nephew -- are what tie me to her. I reach out to her because I want my children to have a relationship with their cousins. Without them, cutting her off entirely would be much easier.

[Anonymous]

How do people become narcissists?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For them to change, they'd have to think something was wrong with them that needed changing.

By definition, this cannot happen.

Remember, their story is that it is all your fault. How could they change? Why would they?

My N dad drank his bitter cup to the very dregs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do people become narcissists?

You don't become a narcissist. You are born with it. It's a mental disorder. It's sad because the person truly can't help it. But the traits are so horrible most people can't stand to be around them.

[Anonymous]

Full blown NPD is rare as I understand it and it is acquired in early childhood. People can have narcissistic traits w/o having full blown NPD.

[Anonymous]

No.

You may be able to take small doses of the part of this person that you enjoy and base a relationship on that.

When I was little, I pretended I was adopted.
As an adult, I pretend my family member is an in-law or step-relation.

I focus on friends and honestly, my more distant relatives and in laws.

It evens out (although there is a blemish).

[Anonymous]

I had a psych professor tell our class that personality disorders (including narcissistic personality disorder) are almost impossible to change. I've found that to be true in life. The one exception would be borderline personality disorder because it's actually over diagnosed in patients that professionals find difficultm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people become narcissists?

You don't become a narcissist. You are born with it. It's a mental disorder. It's sad because the person truly can't help it. But the traits are so horrible most people can't stand to be around them.

No, you aren't born with it. You become self-centered and selfish. Sometimes the parents have spoiled you rotten. Or neglected you. It's always a problematic childhood. Always. Even if it doesn't seem so. Believe me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people become narcissists?

You don't become a narcissist. You are born with it. It's a mental disorder. It's sad because the person truly can't help it. But the traits are so horrible most people can't stand to be around them.

No, you aren't born with it. You become self-centered and selfish. Sometimes the parents have spoiled you rotten. Or neglected you. It's always a problematic childhood. Always. Even if it doesn't seem so. Believe me.

Nature and nurture. I'd say in almost all cases I've seen it's an interaction of both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people become narcissists?

You don't become a narcissist. You are born with it. It's a mental disorder. It's sad because the person truly can't help it. But the traits are so horrible most people can't stand to be around them.

No, you aren't born with it. You become self-centered and selfish. Sometimes the parents have spoiled you rotten. Or neglected you. It's always a problematic childhood. Always. Even if it doesn't seem so. Believe me.

Nature and nurture. I'd say in almost all cases I've seen it's an interaction of both.

Agree. Also agree that there's a spectrum and people can have some traits without having a full-blown case, although it's tough to determine without a clinical diagnosis because some of the traits (eg self-absorption) are also characteristic of other mental illnesses like depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people become narcissists?

You don't become a narcissist. You are born with it. It's a mental disorder. It's sad because the person truly can't help it. But the traits are so horrible most people can't stand to be around them.

No, you aren't born with it. You become self-centered and selfish. Sometimes the parents have spoiled you rotten. Or neglected you. It's always a problematic childhood. Always. Even if it doesn't seem so. Believe me.

Nature and nurture. I'd say in almost all cases I've seen it's an interaction of both.

Agree. Also agree that there's a spectrum and people can have some traits without having a full-blown case, although it's tough to determine without a clinical diagnosis because some of the traits (eg self-absorption) are also characteristic of other mental illnesses like depression.

Agree it's on a spectrum. I suspect traits can be found in many families where there wasn't extreme spoiling or neglect, however the severe cases of NPD probably experienced pretty crappy parenting in one form or another.

[Anonymous]

Mother changed, then changed back unfortunately.

I have kids now, so my brother can feed her narcissism from now on.

[Anonymous]

Ex changed for the worse, thanks to social media. Now he has multiple fora to publicize his self-absorption.

[Anonymous]

No they cannot change if they have full blown narcissistic personality disorder. If they seem to be changing they are probably just shifting your role in their life as part of some sort of manipulation.

[Anonymous]

This thread just kills me. I'm trying so hard to get my N mom to change. I have such a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that some people walk around thinking they've never made a mistake in their life, that nothing is their fault. This seems to me the level of psychosis that someone would have to have if they thought that they were somehow exempted from taking a sh&^. Like, really, you maintain the illusion that you don't do that?