Divorced Folks, what were the early years like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that the first year after having a child is the most telling in terms of long-term viability of the marriage. Most couples have an extended honeymoon phase after the marriage and before kids. The way you cope as a couple with the stress of kids, jobs, and sleeplessness is the real test of whether you will be able to work together as day-to-day partners and also stay emotionally connected despite being unable to give each other your full attention.

And by the way, your happiness does not equal his happiness. Having kids seems to trigger a lot of identity issues and performance anxiety (re being a provider) in men. Some start to resent their wives for being a constant reminder of their sometimes-overwhelming obligations, when really they are just having trouble accepting that marriage and kids didn't magically turn them into the man with the perfect life that they always imagined they would be as a grownup.

So much truth in this. Great insight.

+1. PP is very perceptive. This is how it went down for me (age 48, divorced 3 years, 2 kids).

[Anonymous]

Our premarriage relationship was great but things became difficult by year two and worse from there. For us, resentment about adult responsibilities definitely played a role - ex couldn't handle the pressure and over time refused to do basic obligations that spouses do for each other.