Does anyone regret moving to a different private?

[Anonymous]

There are a few new girls at our MS private. My DD has a new girl in her small group of BFFs now, although they don't have many playdates due to activities. Have you met other moms? Maybe you could initiate a weekend playdate with someone who seems nice?

[Anonymous]

She used to come home from school each day excited and smiling, and now she just seems kind of defeated. She's a trooper and says that she knows that it's a better school for her academically, but it's breaking our hearts to see the change in her personality.

I hope it works out for you. This anecdote underscores what a great Middle School principal once told me about switching schools. When people look to switch, they will often focus intently on the one thing that isn't working, and overlook all the things that are going well. They think the new school will fix that one thing, while assuming that all the things going well at the old school will automatically continue to go well at the new school as well.

Crying in her room at night doesn't sound good. Maybe you should put feelers out about moving, and then you can always stay if things have gotten better by spring.

[Anonymous]

My child switched from one private to another last year. It was younger grade but maybe our experience will resonate because it was a year where few new kids entered and firm social groupings had formed. We were surprised by how hard it was to break in and that the school didn't help much beyond initial bonding trips. Our formerly happy-go-lucky child had about two months of "stomachaches" and burst into tears when she visited her old school. Now we are in our second year at the new school and it is all better. She recognizes that this placement is better for some reasons even though she did like her old school. She was able to break in with some kids and has a nice circle of friends. I empathize...it's hard to see your child go through this.

[Anonymous]

I would reach out to the school - not just the teacher, but the guidance counselor, head of middle school, someone else, and ask for help. If the school isn't willing to help or make an effort, for me that would tip the balance into looking at other schools. Middle school is hard, and sometimes you get unlucky with a group of girls, but the school should be trying to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- Her teacher is very good academically, but I guess hands-off when it comes to social issues. We don't hear from her about the situation (although we have mentioned several times that our daughter is unhappy socially), and there don't seem to be any kind of check-ins like your daughter received (wow, the school was wonderful to be so attentive to her situation!). There are some very nice, friendly girls in other classrooms at her grade level, but her particular classroom seems to be more split up into firm groupings. Our daughter doesn't cry at school, but comes home and cries in her bedroom, so the teacher may not be completely aware of how difficult the situation is for her.

This is concerning. This would never happen at our school (I won't name the school so as not to face the standard DCUM accusation of plugging). But social inclusiveness is stressed in a big way. I can't imagine, if we faced a similar circumstance, a teacher just shrugging and saying "I wish the other girls would be nicer," as though she the teacher is powerless to affect the social environment.

Your child's social happiness is key to her learning, her overall school experience, and whether you are likely to stay. A good school will care about that, and be on top of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- Her teacher is very good academically, but I guess hands-off when it comes to social issues. We don't hear from her about the situation (although we have mentioned several times that our daughter is unhappy socially), and there don't seem to be any kind of check-ins like your daughter received (wow, the school was wonderful to be so attentive to her situation!). There are some very nice, friendly girls in other classrooms at her grade level, but her particular classroom seems to be more split up into firm groupings. Our daughter doesn't cry at school, but comes home and cries in her bedroom, so the teacher may not be completely aware of how difficult the situation is for her.

OP, what were you chasing when you moved your child to a new school ? Was it for her or for you ? Answer that honestly.

[Anonymous]

I have seen this in other families who moved from a K8 school. They think that the K8 is not providing enough of an academic environment so they move out in middle school. But of course if they had stayed, the academics would have ramped up anyway just as in the new school they moved too. If they had started out in a k12 school, they would have realized that the lower grades in the K12 were also not "academic enough". One family told me how they regretted moving "prematurely". People never learn. But I suppose they have to make that journey themselves in order to understand life lessons.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- We moved her (and she was in agreement) to the new school because of its stronger academics. We didn't really have any ulterior motivations (and I'm not sure what those would be?). We did get what we hoped for in terms of the academics, but never imagined that making friends would be so challenging. My husband says that one semester is simply not enough time to make friends. Perhaps he's correct, but as the winter break nears, it is concerning that she still feels as lonely as her first week there (at least in her own classroom).

[Anonymous]

My daughter transferred schools after 2nd grade. We were worried about the tranistion, especially going public to private, theres a lot of changes and adjustments. (Hooray for uniforms, so glad the clothing battle is OVER!) LOL

We transferred to Green Hedges http://www.greenhedges.org/ because we were unhappy with the curriculum and especially faculty at our public school. Yes, our daughter was upset but we understood and knew the 'bigger' picture

Shes now in 4th grade and thriving at her private school. Whats nice about private school is the access of communication. Talk to a guidance counselor and your DD teacher if you seen continous concerns, Im sure theyll help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter transferred schools after 2nd grade. We were worried about the tranistion, especially going public to private, theres a lot of changes and adjustments. (Hooray for uniforms, so glad the clothing battle is OVER!) LOL

We transferred to Green Hedges http://www.greenhedges.org/ because we were unhappy with the curriculum and especially faculty at our public school. Yes, our daughter was upset but we understood and knew the 'bigger' picture

Shes now in 4th grade and thriving at her private school. Whats nice about private school is the access of communication. Talk to a guidance counselor and your DD teacher if you seen continous concerns, Im sure theyll help!

Middle school transitions are NOTHING like elementary school transitions.
OP has daughter joined any clubs? I agree with the party idea, just getting a large group of kids together outside of school could help her break through. My BF's daughter went to 6th grade last year from homeschooling. She had a party with hot cocoa, pizza making, & painting picture frames. The girls couldn't stop gushing about how much fun they had. Obviously, activities will vary by age. Make sure to plan the party when there is a higher likelihood of attendance (i.e. not the weekend break begins or on a 3 day weekend)

[Anonymous]

Thank you, everyone, for your suggestions. Sometimes discussions can get a bit nasty here, but it seems there are a lot of kind, helpful mothers (maybe fathers?) who've struggled through the same situation. I like the party idea -- now we have to figure out whom she knows well enough to invite...

[Anonymous]

One kid left our private school for public and more advanced academics. Some social issues cropped up. They moved back mid-year. The mom said being happy was more important than the academics.

[Anonymous]

Did you post about this earlier in the year, OP? If so, I'm sorry things haven't improved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, everyone, for your suggestions. Sometimes discussions can get a bit nasty here, but it seems there are a lot of kind, helpful mothers (maybe fathers?) who've struggled through the same situation. I like the party idea -- now we have to figure out whom she knows well enough to invite...

Do you have a directory? I would invite all the girls, if possible. They won't all come. If she only invites those she knows well enough, it won't expand her pool of friends.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right. She'll figure it out and adapt. May even be a positive learning experience. Middle school is a mess for everyone. You will of course support her 100% but you won't indulge. Yes I am a husband. The male kind.