How do you deal with the near constant attempts to blame you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know that most of what I do has an effect, mostly positive (hopefully!), but sometime negative.

It's true.

I don't think that's true. I have two kids who I've raised in very similar ways yet they are extraordinarily different from one another. I think most of what you do does not have a strong effect.

Of course your early environment matters.... a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know that most of what I do has an effect, mostly positive (hopefully!), but sometime negative.

It's true.

I don't think that's true. I have two kids who I've raised in very similar ways yet they are extraordinarily different from one another. I think most of what you do does not have a strong effect.

Of course your early environment matters.... a lot.

Do you have a special needs child or are you trolling over here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pregnant again so have been following the Expectant Moms board. I already have 2 kids- one HFA and one NT. It seems like people are constantly trying to blame mothers for autism. It's exhausting and makes me wonder if people in real life are also silently judging everything I did during pregnancy. I know I should just ignore, but it's hard. It's like they need to believe that my child's struggles are some sort of punishment for my not being a careful enough mother. Just a vent, I guess.

It's not that. It's their way of dealing with their fear of something like that happening to them. If you believe that the mother did something to cause the ASD, you can just NOT do that, and it won't happen to you. It doesn't work that way, but it's their way of whistling past the graveyard.

Just ignore it. People are dumb, scared cattle sometimes.

Yes, this is it. If they are "perfect" than their kids with be perfect all-stars who are Ivy-league bound.

I'm in my mid 50s, and all our mothers drank and smoked during pregnancies. There didn't seem to be any more issues then than today, they just call them different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know that most of what I do has an effect, mostly positive (hopefully!), but sometime negative.

It's true.

I don't think that's true. I have two kids who I've raised in very similar ways yet they are extraordinarily different from one another. I think most of what you do does not have a strong effect.

Of course your early environment matters.... a lot.

Do you have a special needs child or are you trolling over here?

Because environment doesn't matter? You're nuts if that's what you believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know that most of what I do has an effect, mostly positive (hopefully!), but sometime negative.

It's true.

I don't think that's true. I have two kids who I've raised in very similar ways yet they are extraordinarily different from one another. I think most of what you do does not have a strong effect.

Of course your early environment matters.... a lot.

Do you have a special needs child or are you trolling over here?

Because environment doesn't matter? You're nuts if that's what you believe.

Please go back to Expectant Moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the support. I know the answer is to avoid the Expectant Moms Forum. It is hurtful to see women have so much fear that they might have a child like my own. As if autism is the worst possible outcome. DS is such a fun, affectionate and intelligent little boy! He is already a great big brother and is excited for another sibling. Our lives are full of love and I need to just focus on my own family.

+1! Mom of three with eldest who has HFA: interacting with siblings has done wonders. They're all a team as they grow up. Eldest is aware of being different but copes with diagnosis well. Some problems persist but we are lucky. I'm confident that all of them will continue to succeed through college and beyond.
OP, don't let naysayers get you down. They'll never shut up, but learn to tune them out anyway. Believe in yourself and your family. Advocate for your kids and get them whatever supports, therapies, IEP, etc., they need. As awareness grows, the naysayers will go on to something else, before being shut down again. It's an endless cycle but it won't derail your family as long as you love each other.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we don't know what the cause is. DES used to be given to pregnant women, but later on we found that this drug causes tumor and a whole range of complications in the babies. In the future we might know a lot more about what causes autism.

No, dipsh*t, you can't compare DES to antidepressants. Things like DES and thalidomide have proven track records in terms of birth defects. Autism is more complex. It's a genetic mutation the cause of which isn't an "A + B = C." But thanks for the fear mongering. And treat your depression. It might suppress your urge to be an a*hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know that most of what I do has an effect, mostly positive (hopefully!), but sometime negative.

It's true.

I don't think that's true. I have two kids who I've raised in very similar ways yet they are extraordinarily different from one another. I think most of what you do does not have a strong effect.

Of course your early environment matters.... a lot.

Do you have a special needs child or are you trolling over here?

Because environment doesn't matter? You're nuts if that's what you believe.

Yes, that is what everyone said, that it does not matter. Please. Of course it matters. It just is not outcome determinative. For example, if autism is caused at the time of pregnancy - a lot of people think that it is - then while the environment is healthy, it really does not matter as far as autism goes. Like with down syndrome - a great environment is not going to add an extra chromosome. YOU are the "nuts" one if you think all condirions can be avoided by a healthy birth environment. I did everything "right" and my child has myriad issues. It is not anyone's "fault" and the rub is that because we are actively pursuing therapy and on top of it and working with him constantly, he may have just as good of an outcome as your "perfect" child. Try not to be so entirely lacking of empathy or ability to comprehend any reality other than your own.

[Anonymous]

So almost all of our friends dropped us after the diagnosis, as if autism was contagious. So I don't actually have any friends who aren't also SN parents - and we don't have time for the blame game, we are too busy focusing on what we are going to do about the situation.

I am sure you are doing your best OP, and always have been. That's all you can do!

[Anonymous]

People judge and shift blame until something actually affects them personally. Up until that point (if it ever happens for them) they are convinced that they are exemplary parents, smart, and do everything right.

The things that cause them stress seem like nonsense to those of us with a SN child. I guess its all relative.

I can tell you that having a SN child has made me a better person. I have empathy for any family struggling with any child - no matter what the issue is.

I wish people would be kinder to each other in general. I feel like this world has become so negative. People should build each other up - instead of tearing them down. I think that judging and blaming usually comes from that person's ignorance or fear or their own insecurities.

Keep away from the negative boards OP. Most people on this one are helpful and positive

I hope you have some people in your life OP that are supportive of you. It is hard, I know!

[Anonymous]

OP - Life with children is a long road with many twists and turns. You have to find happiness in the blessings and life lessons your SN child brings your family. My children are more empathetic to other children's differences. One of my children aspires to becoming a Special Education teacher because she sees a need for better teachers at school. My SN child has learned to work hard and become her own self advocate in high school. Children are resilient, especially those whose lives have extra challenges.

Only an ignorant fool would blame you for your child's autism. Ignore the ignorant fools of the world.