Help on this dilemma - two weddings, one night

[Anonymous]

First to file wins.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all the thoughts!

Some answers:

- We technically found out about wedding A first, though it was through DH's parents, not from the couple directly. We did receive a Save the Date for wedding A (but know we are invited to wedding B as DH's friend has reached out about it).

- Kids aren't invited to either wedding.

- DH's family (parents etc) would be cool with either things we choose to do, and are invited to wedding B also (family friends/friends with DH's friend's parents) but will go to A because it's FIL's brother's daughter.

I think I'm going to have DH discuss it with his parents but I'm pretty sure they'll end up saying go to B if you want. That becomes an issue with the kids though, because if we go with them it becomes a whole longer trip, much more convoluted, etc. Ideally DH and I would go to B alone and spend a night or two, but I can't see a scenario where that would work.

[Anonymous]

If wedding b is in same town where DH's parents live, can they help you find a reliable sitter?

[Anonymous]

This is all about your husband. These is his friend. He has a preference. Start there. You/and kids don't factor in.
It sure would be nice if you could go to the cousin's wedding to represent the family but that's really going above and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Send your husband to Florida and you go to cousin's wedding and represent.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't cousin attend your wedding? Did Friend make an extra effort to be at your wedding (travel?). That would factor in my decision. I tend to make an effort to see people who make an effort to see me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't cousin attend your wedding? Did Friend make an extra effort to be at your wedding (travel?). That would factor in my decision. I tend to make an effort to see people who make an effort to see me.

+1. I'm now out of the young kids/wedding stage, and I see now that some people give back, and some don't. It's important to give back to those who give. So if his cousin doesn't invest in you/DH, but the friend does invest in you, invest back in his friend.

Had I figured this out earlier, I wouldn't have wasted time/energy/money/emotion.

[Anonymous]

I have been in a similar situation (2 weddings same, night- close friends from different circles of my life.)
Wedding A was local for me (but with friends I hadn't seen in a long time coming in for it). Wedding B involved a long drive or short flight.
I was leaning towards Wedding A, primarily b/c I would know many more people there. A dear friend (who actually knew both parties) said "the Bride in Wedding B cares deeply about her wedding, she has been planning this for years, she considers you a close friend, if you don't go to her wedding she will be deeply hurt, in contrast the Wedding A B&G won't really care-- they are not all into their wedding." I realized he was right, and I went to Wedding B.
So, I would think about that- does either person care if you re there or not?

[Anonymous]

Could you and DH go to wedding B, and send your kids with your inlaws to wedding A (and still get them a sitter?)

I wouldn't ask my inlaws this, but they kinda suck. My parents would totally do it.

[Anonymous]

Tough one. I would probably pick family unless the FL was like one of his groomsmen or really really good friends. People understand guests can't make weddings out of state, esp with young children.

My kids were always invited but I opted to stay home with kids and DH would attend his friend's weddings and I would attend my friend's when our kids were your kids' ages.

If it is doable, I would get your parents to watch your kids at your house and go to FL as a getway with DH. I never did this but it seems nice in thought.

Now we are in our late 30's and we don't get invited to weddings anymore.

[Anonymous]

This is all about your husband. These is his friend. He has a preference. Start there. You/and kids don't factor in.
It sure would be nice if you could go to the cousin's wedding to represent the family but that's really going above and beyond.

+1 Let your husband decide where you should go. His cousin, his close friend.

[Anonymous]

I would pick B. They came to yours ...you go to theirs

[Anonymous]

Bring a sitter with you. My DD traveled 2 hrs with friends to do that exact thing. She watched the kids in the wife's parents' house where they stayed. Wife's parents had a spare room where she slept with the little girl and little boy stayed in room with his parents.