Is 58 really THAT old?
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Anonymous
Because otherwize there would never be any young professors. Most professors have great retirement plans, and are allowed to use all university resources after retirement. Only the jerks stay on. |
Anonymous
Can't you do both? Keep yourself up, have an active life, but still give her some consideration? Frankly, it sounds like you no longer love her. And frankly you sound so egotistical that she is probably better off without you. |
Anonymous
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OP, sooner or later you will start having health problems. It's called being human LOL
Sigh. I keep hearing about these active octogenarians and wondering: Oh, when will death come? I'm 41 LOL |
Anonymous
| My dad is 85, works out with a personal trainer and does yoga every morning. He still goes to work every day and basically has no interest in retiring (although he has slowed down work-wise). He's outlived two wives. I only hope I have his genes for longevity! I'm 54 now so we shall see... |
Anonymous
I don't think this would be in the positive column for me. |
Anonymous
You make a valid point. My mother, his first wife, died of cancer in her early 40's; second wife, my stepmom died in her late 70's, also from cancer. It was hard on him dealing with those losses. |
Anonymous
Huh? You're waiting for people in their 80s to die? Why? Are you depressed, at 41? You're going to have a long, sad life if this is how you see it. OP, 58 is NOT old!! Many people still have younger kids at your age. They have to stay active. With fertility treatments, moms are giving birth in their late 40s, so will be in their 60s when the kids leave for college. No possibility of slowing down! Your wife may be depressed, which explains her weight and refusal to try to change her eating habits. Depression = hopelessness. Maybe nudge her toward getting some therapy to work out why she feels so hopeless about her health. You, on the other hand, are hopeful, looking towards the future. My parents lived into their 80s, my aunts into their 90s. More and more people are living past 100. Two of DD's friends' grandparents are still alive and living on their own at 104 and 102. So, at 80, you could be looking at another couple decades of life -- why waste 20 years being crippled! I am exercising as much as I can, eating right, taking supplements, getting as much sleep as I can (not easy), reducing stress as I'm able (not easy either), because I want to live a long, healthy life! I know a lot of people in their 50s who are already on regular medications!! Horrible! I never want to take medicines, except in emergencies. High blood pressure, diabetes, etc. can all be treated with diet and exercise. Stay as healthy as you can for as long as you can, OP. Good for you! Keep it up! |
Anonymous
As a 39 year old who exercises daily (and has for decades), this is so great to hear. I prioritize exercise even with two small kids, another on the way, a full time job, etc., and am hoping it will pay off just as it has for you. Keep it up! |
Anonymous
| Maybe she is discretely trying to tell you that you are going senile. My father was CEO of his company and, in his day, very intelligent. Unfortunately, when dementia started, he had no idea. His brain is now completely gone, but that same "I'm great" attitude that made him a leader also has him convinced that he is just fine. Maybe that is you? Certainly, asking this kind of question on DCUM would hint towards senility. |
Anonymous
Can you prioritize fun activities with your wife? The things you'd like to do that you put off, are they things you can do together? Have you asked your wife whether there are things that she has put off that she'd like to do? Maybe you can put a list together. Travel, for instance, might be fun. |
Anonymous
I am not 58 yet. But, a few years away. At 39, I was in great shape. I was running marathons; I could play basketball for an hour straight; was biking 100 miles at a stretch. I also knew I had bad genes. Now, in my mid 50's, I have had cancer -- three years ago, I was given a 20% chance of making it to today; I have 4 stents and a pacemaker. I do not feel well most days... But, psychologically, I am actually healthier than I have ever been. I spent most of my life waiting for the heart attack -- it is my family history. The cancer came as a surprise... Now, it has come and gone. Each day is a day that I should not have. |
Anonymous
I'm in the same boat with my husband as you are with your wife, although I'm only 50 and my husband is 53. Just keep dreaming and doing and don't let her discourage you. |
Anonymous
What a strange question. My husband and I are both over 50, work 45 to 50 hours a week, still have two teenagers at home and we spend plenty of time together. Some of it working out! |
Anonymous
There's only so many hours in the day. If he is working over 50 hours a week, that might be more than 10 hours each five days a week or 8+ hours six days per week. Then, he's working out every day: I assume each workout is at least an hour, possibly more if he needs to drive to a gym. If he's getting home at seven or eight at night, he's tired and probably not engaged in quality conversation with his wife. I've seen no indication here that he's trying to plan fun activities with his wife in the free time he does have. I think having fun together can be helpful to a couple's relationship. |
Anonymous
No, I am not waiting for other people to die. When will my death come, I should say 
Yes, I am depressed at 41. Yes, I have a sad life. I doubt it will be too long, but hopefully long enough to make sure DC is grown, educated, and more or less settled in life. |