When other people's kids bring up God

[Anonymous]

We don't believe in god but we don't stress if DC's friends bring up religion.

We started coaching her early on about how to respond. She would say something like, "believing in a god is a private matter. I'm just a kid. You will have to ask my parents."

[Anonymous]

Timely question, OP. My kid is technically Muslim, but we don't really practice anything. Very agnostic parents, one from a Muslim background and one from a Christian background. My son tells people he doesn't believe in God. We've told him that we as a family focus on kindness in our family and not religion, but that he can do what he wants as he gets older.

For two years, one Christian girl kept telling my son he was going to hell, and that the devil would get him. And that brought him home in tears several times (k and 1st grade).

Now, he's got two extremely conservative Muslim kids in his class trying to get him to join them in prayer at school. This one is a little more tricky. Technically, he doesn't have to start fasting or praying until he hits puberty, and he's only 7. While the Christian girl wasn't proselytizing, but was just repeating what she has been told at home and at church, these two kids "are" trying to bring my son back into the "legitimacy" of Islam because he has one non-believing parent (that they know of). This is an obligation under Islam. I've told him prayer is not considered obligatory until puberty.

As far as dealing with kids at school. I've given him simple, pat answers that he can respond with, like the fact prayer isn't obligatory for him yet. And then I've given him a deeper explanation.

I've told him different families practice religion in different ways, and that not all Muslims do the same thing and not all Christians do the same thing, either. I've told him that we are respectful of people's religious differences and we expect them to be respectful of ours. And that the true exemplification of a person's religion is how they treat others. So if a Muslim kid is mean to others, that doesn't speak well for Islam. Or if a Christian kid is mean to others, that doesn't speak well for Christianity. Or if you, son, are mean to others, that doesn't speak well for being agnostic. Let me see you live your beliefs rather than hear you preach your beliefs.

In ongoing conversations we have about religion and spirituality, we talk about how these beliefs can be a vehicle for kindness and helpfulness, and often are. But if people aren't using their beliefs to be kind and helpful, if they are using their beliefs to isolate others or condemn them or think less of them, then they aren't doing their religion (or other belief system) right.

I hope this is a way that lets him respect someone's religion or lack thereof, and instead look at actions. I hope this helps him understand differences are fine as long as we are kind. And I hope it gives him a foundation of kindness that carries him into whatever belief system he may choose as he grows up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your kid hang with only atheist kids. Then they can all go to the same therapist!

Please do not go abroad and join radical religious group.

[Anonymous]

I like the approach of just teaching your kid to say "Ok" and change the subject. If the other one won't change the subject your kid needs to go do something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't believe in god but we don't stress if DC's friends bring up religion.

We started coaching her early on about how to respond. She would say something like, "believing in a god is a private matter. I'm just a kid. You will have to ask my parents."

Why are you teaching your kid a script to say to her friends? Why can't she have a conversation without her parents dictating her language? You're just as crazy and oppressive as the super religious people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I get where you are coming from, but I really don't think it's appropriate to have your young child go around insisting that God does not exist. It's obnoxious on several levels. Your family has a right to believe this (mine does too) but it's a personal opinion

Whoa, why is it any more obnoxious than the other kid insisting that God does exist (other than the fact that the second kid comports more with your viewpoint)? If either kid is being aggressive in their opinion, or not recognizing that different people have different beliefs, it is equally inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "ok" to the other kid. But to my own kid, I would explain that some people believe and some don't. I wouldn't argue with that child if that's what they believe. Just instill your beliefs in your own child.

I don't in any way do the bolded. ANY time that religion or god comes up I tell my kids what I think, then ask them what they think. I'm raising independent thinkers, NOT clones. That is a100% what I most hated and resented about being raised in the church and baptized/"converted" against my will. I won't in any way do that to my kids. If my kids choose to believe in God, great! IF not, great!

Um, you're still instilling your beliefs in your kids...the belief that each person can choose for themselves. Nothing wrong with that but I wouldn't say you're doing it totally differently - just what you believe is different.

LOL, I thought god gave us free will so that we can choose for ourselves.

I am an atheist, and I teach my kids that until someone provides proof that god exists, the default position is that god doesn't exist. "God exist" to mainstream practitioners of mainstream religions is a factual claim about the material characteristics of our world, where it came from, and what happens to us after we die. Some practitioners give up the factual aspects of religion and focus on the philosophical part, such as Unitarians. Whereas philosophy is for independent thinkers to ponder about, fundamental aspects of science and realities of our physical world is not. So I don't teach my kids to be free thinkers about the existence of god, just as I don't teach them to be free thinkers about "what is 1+1".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get where you are coming from, but I really don't think it's appropriate to have your young child go around insisting that God does not exist. It's obnoxious on several levels. Your family has a right to believe this (mine does too) but it's a personal opinion.

If your child is being proselytized, the best thing to do is to teach him to change the subject. "Can we talk about something else?" "I'm really not interested, thanks." Getting into a theological debate is not productive for adults and especially unproductive for children, who don't have the wherewithal or experience to understand that different beliefs are valid.

Kids, even young ones, can be taught and understand that different beliefs are valid. How old do you think they have to be? Certainly a 6 year old can understand this, if taught.

Actually, the conflicting beliefs between mainstream religions is what I use to illustrate to my kids that they can't all be valid. I further point to conflicts in the denominations within each religion as further proof that blind faith has no basis in reality and are therefore most likely invalid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't believe in god but we don't stress if DC's friends bring up religion.

We started coaching her early on about how to respond. She would say something like, "believing in a god is a private matter. I'm just a kid. You will have to ask my parents."

Why are you teaching your kid a script to say to her friends? Why can't she have a conversation without her parents dictating her language? You're just as crazy and oppressive as the super religious people!

Different PP, but I do the same to my kids. I do this because religion causes otherwise good people to do bad things, and I don't want my kids to be a target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get where you are coming from, but I really don't think it's appropriate to have your young child go around insisting that God does not exist. It's obnoxious on several levels. Your family has a right to believe this (mine does too) but it's a personal opinion.

If your child is being proselytized, the best thing to do is to teach him to change the subject. "Can we talk about something else?" "I'm really not interested, thanks." Getting into a theological debate is not productive for adults and especially unproductive for children, who don't have the wherewithal or experience to understand that different beliefs are valid.

It is not more obnoxious than insisting that God does exist.

In preschool, a couple of kids insisted to my child that God existed. When he said that he didn't agree and that our family doesn't believe in God or religion, he was advised that his entire family was going to hell. The teacher had to break it up because my kid was one pissed-off 4 year old after the concept of hell was explained to him. They weren't friends after that.

My kids have learned to avoid the topic because uber-religious believers aren't nice about a disagreement. They also tend to avoid those kids as friends or teammates because they aren't nice about disagreements on religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a parenting question than a religious question. If you are atheist or agnostic or follow a non-monotheistic religion, how do you handle it when other people's kids bring up God and repeatedly insist that God exists? I try to mildly say "well, some people think God exists and some people don't" and change the subject, but some kids will just keep insisting and try to get into it. The problem especially arises when my DC says "no, God does not exist" and then both kids ignore my attempt to say people have different views and agree to disagree. I find it a little awkward to be dealing with this with other people's kids, especially since these are early elementary kids. If you've btdt, any suggestions beyond what I'm doing? If your family believes in God, how would you like me to handle this? It doesn't happen a lot, but it's a little awkward when it does.

If that kid could not be polite about the disagreement and let it go, that child would not be invited back to my house and my child would not be going to playdates at that child's house. That stuff can get ugly quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My kids have learned to avoid the topic because uber-religious believers aren't nice about a disagreement. They also tend to avoid those kids as friends or teammates because they aren't nice about disagreements on religion.

Uber-atheists aren't nice about religion, either, in fact some of you are pretty horrible about religion (or you're trolls). As DCUM gives daily proof.

The word "avoid" is good for both sides. Somebody was snarky about it earlier with a reference to WASP manners and polite company. But I think that person was at least partially serious. I'm totally serious. I never bring up my religion at work because of the ahole responses from atheists.

[Anonymous]

I'd honestly prefer that as a non-believing adult you not engage early elementary kids in discussion about religion. My kids know that different people believe different things, but they don't quite know what elements of what we believe are actual fact vs. an individual belief. You never know a family is going through (for ours there was a fairly recent death) and what role religion is playing for that child in helping deal with it. Older kid, sure. Early elementary, no.

[Anonymous]

If the kid asks you about it, you can be honest but you shouldn't push it. My daughter asked my dad to say grace with her at lunch - when I wasn't there - and he just matter of factly said that he doesn't really say grace but he would be happy to hear her say it. That sparked her curiosity about some people believing certain things and other people believing other things - I felt like that was a natural introduction to the diversity of thought on matters of faith, but it wasn't pushy on my dad's part and he was being respectful of how we're raising our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd honestly prefer that as a non-believing adult you not engage early elementary kids in discussion about religion. My kids know that different people believe different things, but they don't quite know what elements of what we believe are actual fact vs. an individual belief. You never know a family is going through (for ours there was a fairly recent death) and what role religion is playing for that child in helping deal with it. Older kid, sure. Early elementary, no.

Then you should teach your kids not to bring it up with other children.