Brother cut me off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So, you recently talked about a childhood incident implicating one of your parents. Your parents and yourself have moved on, and your brother, since being made aware of this incident, has not communicated with you, even though he has communicated normally with your parents.

I have no idea what's going on with him, but certainly I would be pissed. I would ask my parents to find out what's going on, and relay the fact that it took a lot from me to express my feelings on the subject, so being cut of like this feels extra hurtful.

This is called "triangulating" and is very destructive to the family relationship. Don't ever pull other family members into your conflicts with another family member.

I disagree. The parents can totally ask the brother why he's not communicating with his sister, for God's sake. It's not secret CIA stuff, for crying out loud.
Or would you rather the siblings never speak to each other ever again, just because one should never ever triangulate? That's so dumb.

No it isn't "dumb." Triangulating is indicative of unhealthy relationships.

[Anonymous]

You have had a lifetime to process the issue and yet you are expecting your brother to come to terms with it immediately. Give him time and give him space to come to terms with this new information. Your cutting him off in retaliation is simply escalating the situation and making it more difficult for you to ever resume your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have had a lifetime to process the issue and yet you are expecting your brother to come to terms with it immediately. Give him time and give him space to come to terms with this new information. Your cutting him off in retaliation is simply escalating the situation and making it more difficult for you to ever resume your relationship.

How can you cut off someone who has already cut you off? The brother should've used his words saying he needed time and space instead of just giving her the silent treatment.

[Anonymous]

Op here: I'm not asking him to come to terms, make peace or do anything other than have the decency to respond to texts saying why the silence, I love you, hope you're well etc. he could say I need time, I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk. I feel its unnecessarily hostile. And as thinking I'm escalating things by just taking him off Facebook? He's cut me off completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I'm not asking him to come to terms, make peace or do anything other than have the decency to respond to texts saying why the silence, I love you, hope you're well etc. he could say I need time, I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk. I feel its unnecessarily hostile. And as thinking I'm escalating things by just taking him off Facebook? He's cut me off completely.

Guess what? You don't get to control his response.

[Anonymous]

Op here: guess what? I know that. It just makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Does he think you were needlessly creating drama, maybe? I'm not saying you were. It's perhaps odd to me that he's punishing you and not your parents, so I'm trying to figure scenarios that fit with that.

I do wonder whether your brother might also have grievances against your parents that perhaps he has chosen not to work through with them because of their advanced age, and now he resents that you have done this, even somewhat successfully? I dunno. Not sure what might be going on. Have you tried asking him, person to person? Might be better than just givng up.

[Anonymous]

Why did you tell your brother about this incident?

[Anonymous]

Op here : I think he would know the last thing I want to do is add drama to my life. But he may just not believe me, or think it wasnt a big enough deal to mention. But he wasn't in my shoes and unfortunately however minor I was feeling very protective of my kids. There was no going bk - only telling the truth. Thankfully, my parents were able to keep the relationship going with me.

[Anonymous]

Op here: I told my brother about the incident at the same time I told them because he is the closest person to them, because he lives in the same town (I'm hours away) and he'd find out anyway. If they didn't tell him he'd pry it out of them eventually. And it was a big thing to say so I didn't want to keep it from him.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps he sees you as a troublemaker. I do. You waited until you were 45 to bring this "inappropriateness" up to family for only one reason: to cause a sensation. Congratulations, you lost Your brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he sees you as a troublemaker. I do. You waited until you were 45 to bring this "inappropriateness" up to family for only one reason: to cause a sensation. Congratulations, you lost Your brother.

She already mentioned she brought it up when she did because of her children. But way to project.
And if her adult brother can only handle things be going radio silent like this sounds like it's his loss way more than hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here : I think he would know the last thing I want to do is add drama to my life. But he may just not believe me, or think it wasnt a big enough deal to mention. But he wasn't in my shoes and unfortunately however minor I was feeling very protective of my kids. There was no going bk - only telling the truth. Thankfully, my parents were able to keep the relationship going with me.

Sorry but maybe you were a little too melodramatic in bringing the past up (which you previously had considered relatively minor) now that your parents are 80 years old.

Maybe that is why your brother is pissed at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I'm not asking him to come to terms, make peace or do anything other than have the decency to respond to texts saying why the silence, I love you, hope you're well etc. he could say I need time, I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk. I feel its unnecessarily hostile. And as thinking I'm escalating things by just taking him off Facebook? He's cut me off completely.

You are expecting him to handle this they way you want him to and not respecting his need to deal with it in his own time. He may need time to process--alone--and you are expecting only your needs to be met an not his. Give him space without creating more drama by the childish act of "defriending" him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have had a lifetime to process the issue and yet you are expecting your brother to come to terms with it immediately. Give him time and give him space to come to terms with this new information. Your cutting him off in retaliation is simply escalating the situation and making it more difficult for you to ever resume your relationship.

How can you cut off someone who has already cut you off? The brother should've used his words saying he needed time and space instead of just giving her the silent treatment.

Not everyone is good at verbalizing their needs and sometimes closing down is they way they process things. Pushing someone to meet your timetable or to react as you would react is self-absorbed.