When family is offended you turn down offer "X" although you don't need it & could actually use "Y"

[Anonymous]

Just ask your siblings to help with your one time thing. I don't see the big deal. My family is always helping out each other, especially with moving stuff. Isn't that what family is for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your siblings are OFFENSIVE. I say this as a European who has lived in London, Paris, etc. Don't they realize that most urban European families live like this? And that some have very nice places indeed, with period furniture, oil paintings of their Crusading ancestors, priceless carpets and walls lined with books? Don't they know that sharing rooms was the norm a few year ago even in the US? Heck, when we came here, we lived as a family of FOUR in a ONE-bedroom apartment. Now we are "respectably" ensconced in a single family home, but I certainly don't look down on apartment dwellers sharing rooms! And maintaining a home IS a bear, particularly if you have health issues and have to rely on somebody else.

Sorry, I needed to vent. Your idea of suggesting something else is a good one.

And the moment Americans -- and let's face it, Europeans -- had a chance to move out to the suburbs, they did so in droves.

The cities are the playground of the very wealthy and the poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your siblings are OFFENSIVE. I say this as a European who has lived in London, Paris, etc. Don't they realize that most urban European families live like this? And that some have very nice places indeed, with period furniture, oil paintings of their Crusading ancestors, priceless carpets and walls lined with books? Don't they know that sharing rooms was the norm a few year ago even in the US? Heck, when we came here, we lived as a family of FOUR in a ONE-bedroom apartment. Now we are "respectably" ensconced in a single family home, but I certainly don't look down on apartment dwellers sharing rooms! And maintaining a home IS a bear, particularly if you have health issues and have to rely on somebody else.

Sorry, I needed to vent. Your idea of suggesting something else is a good one.

Somehow I do not picture this OP and her "partner' living in a glorious London apt. I picture a semi ghetto and the relatives are worried.

[Anonymous]

Chipotle Lady?

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine accepting rent payments from someone as a gift unless you were in temporary dire straights. Forget the housing-choice issue, the strings that would come with rent payments are huge!!

What if you guys got in a fight and they decided to no longer pay, or they lost their jobs or whatever...your housing would be on the line. No way, Jose.

OP, hold your ground on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your siblings are OFFENSIVE. I say this as a European who has lived in London, Paris, etc. Don't they realize that most urban European families live like this? And that some have very nice places indeed, with period furniture, oil paintings of their Crusading ancestors, priceless carpets and walls lined with books? Don't they know that sharing rooms was the norm a few year ago even in the US? Heck, when we came here, we lived as a family of FOUR in a ONE-bedroom apartment. Now we are "respectably" ensconced in a single family home, but I certainly don't look down on apartment dwellers sharing rooms! And maintaining a home IS a bear, particularly if you have health issues and have to rely on somebody else.

Sorry, I needed to vent. Your idea of suggesting something else is a good one.

Somehow I do not picture this OP and her "partner' living in a glorious London apt. I picture a semi ghetto and the relatives are worried.

.

Not glorious, but not semi-ghetto either. Just unmistakably urban. We like that there's a WF, but also plenty of ethnic restaurants, resident parking, but also multiple bus lines running 24 hours a day, and a CVS, but also lots of hanger-on mom & pop or quirky hipster stores.

My siblings know this is how I want to live. They just assume it's because I missed out on living in the suburbs as a kid and they don't want my children to miss the same experience. My kids are city kids and think their suburban cousins just don't know how much fun it is to live in an urban neighborhood. No one is delusional about the actual apartment or current neighborhood. Just biased. We've had the same conversation for a decade about an SUV. I don't want one. They think it's a must once you have two kids (and a minivan once you have three).

[Anonymous]

Ypu should thank them again for thier generous offer. Say that you really appreciate it, but the apartment is right for your family. Then say, you know what we really could use help with? And explain your needs. Make it clear that you understand if no one can help.

[Anonymous]

Ask them for what you REALLY want and then you will know where they stand on helping you out.

BTW, that offer while sounding nice is not good, for the reasons pointed out above

[Anonymous]

My goodness, no. I am 110% with you once you explained what they offered (and 99% beforehand).

"We are truly comfortable where we are and this is the lifestyle we are choosing for ourselves and our children. I know you really want to help and that you really care, and I appreciate that. I honestly do have something that we could use some help with because of my illness and Phil's work schedule. Would you be able to......?"

That's a really reasonable response. Hopefully they'll step up.