Help me not fall out with my Mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your kid is a brat. It sounds like that is overcorrection from your part based on how you were raised, but nonetheless she sounds awful. And she does it because your actions have taught her that that is an appropriate way to speak to people. Sorry but you created this mess.

Spoken like 20 year old Psych Major.

[Anonymous]

Op, your child will learn that not everyone will tolerate all behavior. Not judging here - not judging your child, or your mother. Just sayin' I don't think you need to fret about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm on Mother's side. That behavior from my DC would not be tolerated (and it's not being "strict").

I totally agree. Your DD is a brat and you are crazy to say this is expressing her feelings. She is rude. Do you think this will be tolerated at school or at play dates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your mother does sound quite strict. I don't blame her, but you're right that this is spoiling the little time she has with her. What would happen if you told her:
"Mom, you hardly ever see your granddaughter. Instead of getting upset every time DD says what she thinks, why don't you focus on enjoying your time with her?"

I would say something like this, and if she keeps bringing it up change the subject.

But I do have to agree with the others that you need to toughen up with your DD, yes her behavior is typical for a 3 year old, but the things you described don't magically disappear at 4 without parental instruction. You want to deal with this now because it will become harder when she's older. Firm boundaries and manners are good for your daughter.
This does not make you a bad mom or mean that you need to be harsh with your daughter.
I also think you should consider therapy for yourself so you can heal the wounds from your childhood.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe how harsh some people are being. The kid is 3, they say inappropriate things.
OP already said she gently corrects her. That is all you can do at this age.
Also, huge overreach to suggest she needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe how harsh some people are being. The kid is 3, they say inappropriate things.
OP already said she gently corrects her. That is all you can do at this age.
Also, huge overreach to suggest she needs therapy.

I think posters are omitting the fact that the Grandma goes on and on about it, which makes it hard on everyone. At 3, direct remarks from otherwise charming preschoolers are par for the course. You redirect, you look them in the eye and tell them to use other words, etc. But you let go. You don't harp! Grandma obviously has a problem, not the mother or the kid.

[Anonymous]

I think your mother is being rude. She does not have a close relationship with your daughter (rarely sees her) and therefore has no business correcting her or commenting on her behavior to you. You should point this out to her. (I'm sure she'll be grateful for the advice - as she is free with hers.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She is not gently reminding her and thats my issue, she is going on and on about it to me, and is telling everyone else she comes in contact with that DD is rude and badly behaved. My Il's who live close by and see DD quite often don't seem to have any issues with DD, If they do, they tell her off and then everyone moves on. Its the constant going on about it and blowing it out of proportion thats bothering me.
I feel like shes totally judging my parenting, I think she forgets what 3yo's are like.

Is your mom foreign born? I am from Europe and I feel Americans are just more laid back.

[Anonymous]

If OP's kid is a brat, my three year old is the devil's spawn. Throw in travel and changes in sleep schedule and I would not be surprised to see her head spinning/puking pea soup.

Three is tough. Older generations may have ruled by fear and strictness, but I can't imagine your mom never had to deal with temper tantrums. She has forgotten and her general personality is not kid friendly. It's totally fine to correct your kid for being rude and it's not okay to harp on it for ages and make a mountain out of a mole hill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP's kid is a brat, my three year old is the devil's spawn. Throw in travel and changes in sleep schedule and I would not be surprised to see her head spinning/puking pea soup.

Three is tough. Older generations may have ruled by fear and strictness, but I can't imagine your mom never had to deal with temper tantrums. She has forgotten and her general personality is not kid friendly. It's totally fine to correct your kid for being rude and it's not okay to harp on it for ages and make a mountain out of a mole hill.

+1. I agree with OP that my mother, like her mother, forget what a 3yo is like. My mother similarly harped on every little thing during our short visit. Her loss.

[Anonymous]

I think a three year old telling an adult to get out of the bathroom and not to shush them is too much. She may say it, because she's three, but she should be corrected.
It sounds like those disrespectful behaviors, along with harmless things like the spoon and fork are all rolling together into one big thing for your mother.

You know your mother is on the strict side so acknowledge that, tell her that she might be surprised by your daughter's behavior but you think it's normal (since you seem to) and ask her to stop harping on it during her visit.

Then, once your mother has gone home, think seriously about not letting your three year old continue to speak to adults that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your mother does sound quite strict. I don't blame her, but you're right that this is spoiling the little time she has with her. What would happen if you told her:
"Mom, you hardly ever see your granddaughter. Instead of getting upset every time DD says what she thinks, why don't you focus on enjoying your time with her?"

The mother won't enjoy the time with the little girl EVER if she thinks she's a rude little snot. No way an old school mother will just gloss over a little kid speaking to her that way. OP... what you're allowing your kid to do isn't "expressing herself". You're allowing her to be rude to adults because you're to dumb to know the difference.

[Anonymous]

Your DD sounds a bit rude. She needs to learn how to speak respectfully. Her grandmother is the only person who will take issue with that.