Young teenage girls' clothese kinda inappropriate... what to do?

[Anonymous]

Maybe a combination of your involvement plus Dad asserting parental authority? It is his role to let her know her clothing has crossed a line -- in terms of taste, as well as self respect, etc... If you and she get along, or if she's open to building a relationship, maybe part of his conversation can be "You know, [YOU] has offered to take you shopping. I'll pay for a few new outfits if the two of you wanted to hit the mall together." That way you are part of the solution, having a fun outing together that will help the interaction between the two of you, and hopefully she'll end up with some more age-appropriate clothing in her closet.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to know if PP's suggestion to take a two-pronged approach is wise because it's not clear why dad has not been able to address what is a very common issue with teen girls and we really have no idea why she's acting out (at least this sounds like acting out) and what her thoughts/feelings are about his father's engagement and her step-mom-to-be.

So ... I'd take it in steps. Dad addresses the issue. (Yeah.) Daughter starts to differently. (Fingers crossed.) A month or two down the road, if it makes sense, OP offers to take her shopping. (Time will tell.)

[Anonymous]

Modesty -- I know the word is very old-fashioned but I think it might help. As a teenager 15 years ago my mother had a "talk" with me about modesty and dressing appropriately. As a young teenager I doubt she has really thought about what her clothes say, she is probably just dressing the way her friends do.

The other thing that might help is for the father to ask his daughter to try on each outfit that she buys when she goes shopping (maybe as a fashion show). This can be couched in a nice and friendly way and a way of complimenting the good and asking to return the bad. I remember when I was a teenager I had to try on each outfit for my dad and if he disapproved it would be returned (this was rare and I loved it when he liked an outfit I had picked). Good luck, this is such a touchy subject, but remember that she will be your step-daughter, and eventually you will have to be able to be frank with her.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes parents forget that children, no matter their age, are overwhelmed by their sense of power and will, and want adult intervention. I know dress is a touchy are for a father with a daughter, but my dad made clear that there were limits, in his low-key WASP way. I hope the father here can find a way to communicate his standards for decorum with his daughter ASAP. Good luck with this!

[Anonymous]

I agree. Letting her go out dressed in a sexually provocative way is really not fair to her. She may not understand how her clothes will be interpreted, or maybe she does and likes that teen sense of power ("I can get boys and men to look at me!") But either way she is not yet a good judge of what the consequences of this may be. She might resent it if her dad "interferes" now and lays down some rules, but if he doesn't intervene she may resent it even more later, when she's old enough to realize.

[Anonymous]

Dad needs to be brave. Parenting ain't for the faint-hearted. He needs to say, "I'm not happy about some of the clothes you've been wearing. They're not appropriate. When you are an adult you can wear anything you want, but for now, you need to wear clothes that are reasonably modest. That means no visible cleavage, no tummy showing, no upper thighs showing. I expect you to dress appropriately. If you forget I'll tell you and you'll have to go change."

Then he has to follow through and if she shows up ready to go out in slutwear, he needs to say, "Sorry, hon, you'll have to go change, that's not appropriate." She will rage and yell and he has to nod kindly and stick to his guns. No fighting, no negotiating, just, "Sorry, you heard me, you know the rules, please go change and you can leave just as soon as you're wearing something more appropriate." She may be late to school once or twice because she refuses to get changed or hasn't left enough time to change, and so be it. He has to just stick to his guns.

And he also has to have a firm rule from now on that either he shops with her and okays clothes before she buys them, or if she shops on her own and brings home something inappropriate, she either returns it or else it goes in the trash. It will be painful for all concerned but if he is affectionate but firm she'll get the idea pretty fast. And she'll thank him later.

[Anonymous]

OP -Sorry if I missed this, but tell us how the clothes are getting paid for when she goes shopping.
You *should* be part of the solution here.

[Anonymous]

Watch a few episodes of What Not to Wear with her over the course of some Friday nights. There's bound to be an episode where somebody is dressed too provocatively for the workplace, and infrequently they even do mother/daughter pairs. Then you can watch the show's starts teasing somebody who is falling out of her cami or muffin-topping her pants.

Although I agree, the main solution should be dad stepping up to the plate.