Bringing favorite dishes to Thanksgiving/Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's rude to bring dishes when asked not to. If I made some sort of elaborate cranberry dish every year, I probably would not appreciate your bringing the canned stuff - it says that my dish sucks. Even if you believe that, you aren't supposed to let on! If you want it a specific way, you have to have it at your house.

OP, I think your sister in law discovered dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's rude to bring dishes when asked not to. If I made some sort of elaborate cranberry dish every year, I probably would not appreciate your bringing the canned stuff - it says that my dish sucks. Even if you believe that, you aren't supposed to let on! If you want it a specific way, you have to have it at your house.

Seriously? This is the stuff of her childhood. Sounds like you and OP's host are all about YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's rude to bring dishes when asked not to. If I made some sort of elaborate cranberry dish every year, I probably would not appreciate your bringing the canned stuff - it says that my dish sucks. Even if you believe that, you aren't supposed to let on! If you want it a specific way, you have to have it at your house.

Seriously? This is the stuff of her childhood. Sounds like you and OP's host are all about YOU.

But she also just said that she holds her own Thanksgiving the weekend before. Bring the wine you want but stick to your family favorites during the weekend celebration. Not worth fighting over.

[Anonymous]

Thanksgiving is all about tradition. I would be happy to have you bring whatever made it a great meal for you. My cousin has to have pumpkin pie. No one else likes it. She bakes it and brings it every year. I don't consider it a slight to my apple pie.

[Anonymous]

OP, I love cooking Thanksgiving dinner and have several favorite dishes that just make the holidays for me. They are traditions which I want to share and pass on to my kids.

However, the past 7 years we have ended up spending Thanksgiving at a family member's house. They want to cook the entire meal their way and always tell us to bring nothing or just some wine.

So what we have done is started a new family tradition of doing a smaller full Thanksgiving dinner on Friday. We watch the parade, put up our tree, and bake a smaller turkey with all our respective families' traditional dishes. We have my MILs potatos, my aunt's amazing veggie dish, my special cranberry dish. We have the fun of preparing Thanksgiving and passing our own traditional dishes to our kids, making family dishes with them, and enjoying the leftovers, just a day later. We don't take home leftovers from Thursday since we are going to have our own the next day. The kids now consider "our" Thanksgiving the real Thanksgiving, and Thursday a nice tradition spending time with our loved ones. It is fun, relaxing and low pressure.

AND, one of the best things is that our kids already know that years down the road when they pair off, they are all welcome to spend Thursday with their inlaws guilt free, because "our" Thanksgiving will be a day or two later.

Maybe start a new tradition and do a Thanksgiving at home that weekend with a blend of your traditions and your husband's.

You want to pass your foods and memories to your own kids and create new ones specific to your family, not just an exclusive monopoly of your inlaws traditions only. So make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Why do you never visit YOUR family on Thanksgiving? Why not mix it up?
2) Why do YOU never host on Thanksgiving?

Offer to bring specific things, but if they say no, drop it. Why not make yourself a nice "your-way" Thanksgiving meal another time, or just enjoy your wine and cranberry sauce the next day with leftovers, as a PP suggested?

OP here. I do hope to visit my family on Thanksgiving, but I work the day before and after Thanksgiving so it's not feasible.
We do host a very large Thanksgiving the weekend before Thanksgiving for all of our friends. Inlaws host the real Thanksgiving and aren't interested in attending ours.

Then I don't really understand the problem. If you're dying to eat canned cranberry sauce like when you were a kid, serve it the weekend before with all your friends. Amidst all the turkey, stuffing, gravy, etc., t doesn't taste any different on 11/21 than it will on 11/26. I agree that it's rude not to open a bottle of wine that someone brings to your house and serve it then, but she's told you repeatedly that she doesn't want you to bring anything and you keep doing it anyway.

[Anonymous]

Communication is key here.

You say: "After 10 years of missing X, Y, Z, I really want to bring it this year for Thanksgiving. Don't worry, if you don't want it, I can always being it home with me!"

And you bring whatever it is, with a lovely dish to serve it in and lovely utensils - nothing that will disgrace the hostess's table! You take everything back with you so that the hostess doesn't need to cram one more thing in her fridge.

Be charmingly polite yet do whatever it is you wanted to do anyway. Life is too short!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I love cooking Thanksgiving dinner and have several favorite dishes that just make the holidays for me. They are traditions which I want to share and pass on to my kids.

However, the past 7 years we have ended up spending Thanksgiving at a family member's house. They want to cook the entire meal their way and always tell us to bring nothing or just some wine.

So what we have done is started a new family tradition of doing a smaller full Thanksgiving dinner on Friday. We watch the parade, put up our tree, and bake a smaller turkey with all our respective families' traditional dishes. We have my MILs potatos, my aunt's amazing veggie dish, my special cranberry dish. We have the fun of preparing Thanksgiving and passing our own traditional dishes to our kids, making family dishes with them, and enjoying the leftovers, just a day later. We don't take home leftovers from Thursday since we are going to have our own the next day. The kids now consider "our" Thanksgiving the real Thanksgiving, and Thursday a nice tradition spending time with our loved ones. It is fun, relaxing and low pressure.

AND, one of the best things is that our kids already know that years down the road when they pair off, they are all welcome to spend Thursday with their inlaws guilt free, because "our" Thanksgiving will be a day or two later.

Maybe start a new tradition and do a Thanksgiving at home that weekend with a blend of your traditions and your husband's.

You want to pass your foods and memories to your own kids and create new ones specific to your family, not just an exclusive monopoly of your inlaws traditions only. So make it happen.

This is a great idea. Yes, your in-laws are rude for refusing to serve your food at a big family meal. So, stop bringing it. Have your own Not Thanksgiving Dinner, and serve all the stuff you remember and love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a rule for what one can and can’t bring to holiday meals at inlaws houses? This will be year 10 for them hosting Thanksgiving. I miss more southern style Thanksgiving foods that I grew up with desperately. Anytime I ask what I can bring, I’m told “just yourselves.” For a while I decided they were just being polite and I brought items anyways. Some items were met with scorn or even worse not served on Thanksgiving (I was told they’d enjoy it better the next day for lunch), but my pie did become a staple and I know they look forward to it yearly.

Something really small that I’ve been craving is canned cranberry sauce (the sliced kind). Everyone raves about my MIL’s cranberry recipe though, so I don’t want to compete with her. I also would like red wine, but was told that they don’t like red wine and they served me a moscato instead when I brought red. Am I being rude bringing things I want to eat or should I just accept that I can’t have any control over the menu?

When my brother first starting going to his ILs for thanksgiving, he was bummed not to have the Ritz Cracker Stuffing, that we grew up with and he LOVES. So after a couple years he started bringing a small pan with his ILs blessing. Over the years the various relatives tried it and now he has to bring enough for everyone!

[Anonymous]

I bring it. MIL tells me not to, and buys identical items to what I say I'm making. But it's what I like to eat on Thanksgiving and it reminds me of my family. I am gracious and eat her food of course, but I bring what reminds me of home.

[Anonymous]

I am very proud of my homemade cranberry sauces, and I make them for every Thanksgiving. One year, my father confessed to me that he prefers the canned sauces. I get it (it's still yummy and very nostalgic). Nowadays I bring a store-bought can with my home-jarred sauces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving is all about tradition. I would be happy to have you bring whatever made it a great meal for you. My cousin has to have pumpkin pie. No one else likes it. She bakes it and brings it every year. I don't consider it a slight to my apple pie.

Would you feel differently if she knows that you make an apple pie but chooses to bring a store-bought apple pie every year? Do you see the difference in the insulting factor from OP and your cousin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving is all about tradition. I would be happy to have you bring whatever made it a great meal for you. My cousin has to have pumpkin pie. No one else likes it. She bakes it and brings it every year. I don't consider it a slight to my apple pie.

Would you feel differently if she knows that you make an apple pie but chooses to bring a store-bought apple pie every year? Do you see the difference in the insulting factor from OP and your cousin?

OP here. The cranberry was just an idea for this year. Previously I've done rolls, brussel sprouts, sweet potatoes, you name it. All of those were scorned or not served (or worse, no one even tries them) and I'm an excellent cook. They weren't duplicates of anything MIL was making. It's not MIL scorning it either. It's grandmas, SILs and other relatives. They said that sweet potatoes weren't part of their Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving is all about tradition. I would be happy to have you bring whatever made it a great meal for you. My cousin has to have pumpkin pie. No one else likes it. She bakes it and brings it every year. I don't consider it a slight to my apple pie.

Would you feel differently if she knows that you make an apple pie but chooses to bring a store-bought apple pie every year? Do you see the difference in the insulting factor from OP and your cousin?

OP here. The cranberry was just an idea for this year. Previously I've done rolls, brussel sprouts, sweet potatoes, you name it. All of those were scorned or not served (or worse, no one even tries them) and I'm an excellent cook. They weren't duplicates of anything MIL was making. It's not MIL scorning it either. It's grandmas, SILs and other relatives. They said that sweet potatoes weren't part of their Thanksgiving.

At your IL's home or at your own home, people do not have to like what you like or eat what you eat. That's the bottom line. You can eat it and be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving is all about tradition. I would be happy to have you bring whatever made it a great meal for you. My cousin has to have pumpkin pie. No one else likes it. She bakes it and brings it every year. I don't consider it a slight to my apple pie.

Would you feel differently if she knows that you make an apple pie but chooses to bring a store-bought apple pie every year? Do you see the difference in the insulting factor from OP and your cousin?

Nope..Wouldn't bother me at all..She is happy and I am happy. In fact years back I had an uncle who preferred Stove Top stuffing to home made. We had both (until he stopped coming). Everyone was happy. Why not?