Why do you (or your spouse) work so hard you never see your family? Do you have to?

[Anonymous]

OP, SteveJobs didn't have a good relations with his wife and his kids.

[Anonymous]

Some people really just like working a lot, or they are obsessed with making more money, or they don't actually like spending time with their family and make work the excuse.

Some people's situations and choices limit their options. If you live out in the burbs and work downtown, your commute is going to eat up a lot of time. If you choose to work at a law firm v. government work, you are expected to bill and maybe put in lots of face time.

Other people don't have much of a choice. If you're not the boss or very high-level, you don't set your hours. Some jobs don't allow telework or flexible hours.

So, people work long hours for a variety of reasons.

[Anonymous]

I'm a lawyer (partner) who gets paid less to be on a part-time, flex schedule so that I have more time with my kids. Sometimes I think about going back to full time because I see full time lawyers who bill fewer hours making more money than me (because they get paid full time). I try to remind myself that I get paid less so that I can work from home more and have more flexibility and the option of saying "no." However, when I see those year end numbers, sometimes it makes me mad.

I can see how litigators who travel to other states for trials never get to see their families. Once you have gone down that road of becoming such a litigator with a few trials under your belt, I can see how it would be difficult to switch tracks and stay home more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I run a small business with about 12 employees and make about $300k+ per year. I work really hard to grow my business to make more, but I prevent myself from working 60+ hours a week by a) delegating and b) limiting what I do. I almost never work weekends and come home at 5, then work after my kids go to bed.

I read all the time on this board about people who never see their spouses because they are working all the time? What are they doing? Is it really necessary?
I mean Steve Jobs was home every night with his kids for dinner and so are Sheryl Sandberg and Susan Wojcicki. Obama goes on dates with his wife.

If you feel like you'd lose your job for working fewer hours could you imagine a way that your job could be reorganized so that it could be done in fewer hours, possibly by more people?

It just seems crazy to me that people really feel they are so essential all the time at work that there is nothing else. It seems more like people are just addicted to work

Are you really that dense, OP? Just curious, how would you react if you gave one of your 12 employees a job to do (one of those "delegating" jobs you mentioned) and that employee passed it off to someone else to leave early every.single.day. Just curious how long you'd keep that employee? And what if you told that employee you picked her to do the job because you trusted only her to do it and she replied, "well, OP, you need to reorganize your business and honestly, I shouldn't be so essential in your eyes."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If you choose to work at a law firm v. government work, you are expected to bill and maybe put in lots of face time.

Or if you're a government employee and you have to pick up the slack because your agency is under-funded and unable to hire to replace people who have quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people really just like working a lot, or they are obsessed with making more money, or they don't actually like spending time with their family and make work the excuse.

Some people's situations and choices limit their options. If you live out in the burbs and work downtown, your commute is going to eat up a lot of time. If you choose to work at a law firm v. government work, you are expected to bill and maybe put in lots of face time.

Other people don't have much of a choice. If you're not the boss or very high-level, you don't set your hours. Some jobs don't allow telework or flexible hours.

So, people work long hours for a variety of reasons.

I would also add that culture adds alot to this. If your boss (or everyone) it seems is working late, then you feel pressure to as well.

[Anonymous]

Everyone seems to concentrate on high income jobs. How about people who get paid by the hour and need the money to pay bills. That's the majority, and it's pretty unfair to suggest they are not doing the best they can for their families by working more hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would delegate more but I seem to attract people who develop Down's syndrome in their mid thirties.

I make around $270k and I earn every f-ing penny.

I have someone in my family who has Down Syndrome (though he doesn't have Down's syndrome) and your comment is so offensive. It makes you sound like a complete tool. What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I LIKE working. I don't really like kids. I only had them because I love my husband and he wanted them.

Two thumbs up for honesty PP

[Anonymous]

OP, remember also - everybody lies about how hard they are working. For some reason, it is a badge of honor, and they would be humiliated if they had to admit that they worked 9-5 or similar hours.

You will find also that everybody also lies about how much homework their children have - again, for some reason it is not socially acceptable for them to admit that their child may only do a few minutes of homework per night.

[Anonymous]

DH travels constantly (100k+ miles this year). So it's way worse than having a spouse who works 60 hour weeks. At least they come home! He's a lowly GS12 though but his mission is extremely important.

[Anonymous]

We have to work. We are at mid level positions so can not make our own hours etc and must put in 9 to 10 hr days. We have to work due to financial obligations (basic things not thing extravagant). I just posted in another forum that I would love to work part time (although I enjoy my job) and spend more time with my family. My boss on the other hand has reached that level where she can come and go as she wants but I'm not there yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have to work. We are at mid level positions so can not make our own hours etc and must put in 9 to 10 hr days. We have to work due to financial obligations (basic things not thing extravagant). I just posted in another forum that I would love to work part time (although I enjoy my job) and spend more time with my family. My boss on the other hand has reached that level where she can come and go as she wants but I'm not there yet.

And ps - my boss delegates a lot to me. So if she leaves early I have to stay and finish up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I LIKE working. I don't really like kids. I only had them because I love my husband and he wanted them.

Hope you're saving up for lots of therapy for them.