Am I Overreacting?

[Anonymous]

You know what? Sorry. I'm not buying into the "elderly card" here. Unless OP's MIL is in her 70s/80s, let's not automatically assume that "old people be old and can't hear/can't remember."

My MIL is in her early 60s. She repeats not because she's forgetful or hard of hearing or anything, but SELECTIVELY--usually because she wants attention/praise.

For example, she won't repeat something neutral, like "FIL and I saw the new James Bond movie last weekend, and we liked it." But she WILL repeat attention-getting/praise-seeking phrases over and over:
-"I'm just so glad we live close by so we could come watch Larla so you could go to that wedding." (And yes, we already thanked her several times for doing so.)

-"Well, *I* never breastfed, and my kids turned out just FINE." Yes, yes. No one ever said you should have breastfed, MIL, we're just doing this with DC #2 because it worked well for us with DC #1.

-"I know Steve likes these cookies so much, and they're his favorite, and you never have time to bake, Kate, so I brought his favorite cookies." I get it, lady. You brought cookies. We said thank you. Do you need a ticker-tape parade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother repeats and repeats and repeats. She gets very insulted when I tell her she already said that, no matter how nice i say it. What does work is looking them in the eye and repeating back in full and complete sentences. "Thank you Jean for looking in the fridge and finding the leftovers. You are a saint. Lets make all of the leftovers to not waste food. We will now heat up the left overs. Lets not cook new food. Thank you so much."

Wow, you sound like a flaming asshole. If by "what works" you mean "your MIL will never speak to you again" you are probably correct, since no one would want to have a relationship with someone who was toxic enough to act this way.

Why is she an asshole? If the mother repeats and repeats--and gets offended when PP lets her know she already said something--what else can she do? Act like it's "Groundhog Day" and just let the scenario play out over and over and over again? No, thanks. Sounds like she found an approach that actually works for her mother to feel heard/validated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she getting forgetful in other areas? Is this the only time she's repeated herself? I'd take this as a warning sign of memory issues.

OP here. She is in her 60's...and I know for sure its not memory issue. In fact she has very good memory better than me. I may forget something but she will NEVER....I mean never forget stuff, that also puts me in bad situation sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what? Sorry. I'm not buying into the "elderly card" here. Unless OP's MIL is in her 70s/80s, let's not automatically assume that "old people be old and can't hear/can't remember."

My MIL is in her early 60s. She repeats not because she's forgetful or hard of hearing or anything, but SELECTIVELY--usually because she wants attention/praise.

For example, she won't repeat something neutral, like "FIL and I saw the new James Bond movie last weekend, and we liked it." But she WILL repeat attention-getting/praise-seeking phrases over and over:
-"I'm just so glad we live close by so we could come watch Larla so you could go to that wedding." (And yes, we already thanked her several times for doing so.)

-"Well, *I* never breastfed, and my kids turned out just FINE." Yes, yes. No one ever said you should have breastfed, MIL, we're just doing this with DC #2 because it worked well for us with DC #1.

-"I know Steve likes these cookies so much, and they're his favorite, and you never have time to bake, Kate, so I brought his favorite cookies." I get it, lady. You brought cookies. We said thank you. Do you need a ticker-tape parade?

OP here...agree with you 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know what? Sorry. I'm not buying into the "elderly card" here. Unless OP's MIL is in her 70s/80s, let's not automatically assume that "old people be old and can't hear/can't remember."

My MIL is in her early 60s. She repeats not because she's forgetful or hard of hearing or anything, but SELECTIVELY--usually because she wants attention/praise.

For example, she won't repeat something neutral, like "FIL and I saw the new James Bond movie last weekend, and we liked it." But she WILL repeat attention-getting/praise-seeking phrases over and over:
-"I'm just so glad we live close by so we could come watch Larla so you could go to that wedding." (And yes, we already thanked her several times for doing so.)

-"Well, *I* never breastfed, and my kids turned out just FINE." Yes, yes. No one ever said you should have breastfed, MIL, we're just doing this with DC #2 because it worked well for us with DC #1.

-"I know Steve likes these cookies so much, and they're his favorite, and you never have time to bake, Kate, so I brought his favorite cookies." I get it, lady. You brought cookies. We said thank you. Do you need a ticker-tape parade?

OP here...agree with you 100%

Poster of the above again: I forgot to add that I just don't give her what she's looking for. I politely smile. That's it. I will sincerely and genuinely thank her ONCE for any nice thing/favor, making sure to look her in the eye and know that she's heard me. Then she repeats...and I just bland smile.

If she says something "negative" like the breastfeeding comment, I'll reply neutrally--once. "Yes, your kids turned out great, and so are mine. It's good that we both found feeding methods that worked for our family." And then when she repeats--she gets a bland smile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know what? Sorry. I'm not buying into the "elderly card" here. Unless OP's MIL is in her 70s/80s, let's not automatically assume that "old people be old and can't hear/can't remember."

My MIL is in her early 60s. She repeats not because she's forgetful or hard of hearing or anything, but SELECTIVELY--usually because she wants attention/praise.

For example, she won't repeat something neutral, like "FIL and I saw the new James Bond movie last weekend, and we liked it." But she WILL repeat attention-getting/praise-seeking phrases over and over:
-"I'm just so glad we live close by so we could come watch Larla so you could go to that wedding." (And yes, we already thanked her several times for doing so.)

-"Well, *I* never breastfed, and my kids turned out just FINE." Yes, yes. No one ever said you should have breastfed, MIL, we're just doing this with DC #2 because it worked well for us with DC #1.

-"I know Steve likes these cookies so much, and they're his favorite, and you never have time to bake, Kate, so I brought his favorite cookies." I get it, lady. You brought cookies. We said thank you. Do you need a ticker-tape parade?

OP here...agree with you 100%

Poster of the above again: I forgot to add that I just don't give her what she's looking for. I politely smile. That's it. I will sincerely and genuinely thank her ONCE for any nice thing/favor, making sure to look her in the eye and know that she's heard me. Then she repeats...and I just bland smile.

If she says something "negative" like the breastfeeding comment, I'll reply neutrally--once. "Yes, your kids turned out great, and so are mine. It's good that we both found feeding methods that worked for our family." And then when she repeats--she gets a bland smile.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like unused food makes her anxious. Lots of people feel anxiety about things like that.

Try not to let it bother you and try to be easy going about their foibles. No one is perfect!

This. A lot of older people didn't grow up with the wastefulness that we exhibit today. Also, it isn't at all unusual for older folks to repeat themselves ad nauseam. Let it go. Someday you will be an annoying old person, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are visiting for the week. Yesterday night, when we discussed about cooking, I asked them if I can make a particular dish for dinner and we all agreed. Few mins later, my mil checked the kitchen and said there are so many left overs. Rather we use those first, to which my DH agreed. She repeated the same thing at least 5 times by saying that good I checked the refrigerator. Its better to use the leftovers rather than cook new food. At first, I took it normally but after her repeating multiple times, I got annoyed but kept my patience.

I am still thinking about it. Am I overreacting?

Next time you know they are coming, clean the heck out of the fridge.

My DH gets creeped out by leftovers. (Germs, in his opinion).

If I make something for dinner and want extras for lunch, I store it ASAP. It doesn't hit the table.

She may be trying to be supportive of your time and budget, but throw the food you don't want to see again out and the source of conflict disappears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are visiting for the week. Yesterday night, when we discussed about cooking, I asked them if I can make a particular dish for dinner and we all agreed. Few mins later, my mil checked the kitchen and said there are so many left overs. Rather we use those first, to which my DH agreed. She repeated the same thing at least 5 times by saying that good I checked the refrigerator. Its better to use the leftovers rather than cook new food. At first, I took it normally but after her repeating multiple times, I got annoyed but kept my patience.

I am still thinking about it. Am I overreacting?

Next time you know they are coming, clean the heck out of the fridge.

My DH gets creeped out by leftovers. (Germs, in his opinion).

If I make something for dinner and want extras for lunch, I store it ASAP. It doesn't hit the table.

She may be trying to be supportive of your time and budget, but throw the food you don't want to see again out and the source of conflict disappears.

I'm taking a DCUM break right now in the middle of cleaning fridge/pantry. Yes! It makes it so much easier to have a guest meal plan/holiday prep plan when you toss the bad stuff/stuff you wouldn't serve to guests, and stock up on what you know guests want/need/will be served for meals.

Thankful, though, that my DH eats leftovers. I'd never survive if we cooked every night!