Weaning your kid off a reward system

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go to my job and work hard if I did not get paid.

Lower the reward to something you can live with indefinitely. It make take a very long time, it may never happen. It depends on the child. If you get the improved behavior, then it is worth in IMO and IME.

I see this argument all the time and I think it's a dangerous comparison. PP, do you ever do anything simply because it's the right thing to do? If so, this is the ultimate goal I think we need to be teaching children. Some material rewards for going above and beyond are fine: "You get straight A's, you can get (such and such)." However, I think kids should be given rewards such as going to a movie with a friend or family, getting a toy that is interactive,or going out to dinner with friends or family. This way, children, who don't appreciate friendships or the value of socialization much, get ample opportunities to do so while still getting a reward such as a movie, dinner, or toy. Many of our kids need less focus on extrinsic rewards and more focus on intrinsic rewards. Just an opinion.

That is fine and dandy if it works for you, it is perfect world talk and I don't live in a perfect world. With many behaviorally challenged children, it just doesn't work that way and the reward system does. Of course the longterm goal is for the behavior to happen without incentive, but it may take much longer than the norm.

Yes, and I live in a perfect world and that's why I'm writing on the special needs forum. I have found that by giving extrinsic rewards, it delays learning to value intrinsic rewards. Many of our children need to focus much, much more on intrinsic reward. However, because they do not value it much right now, it helps to combine the extrinsic (movie) with intrinsic (family going out and being together).

Just because that worked for your child, does not mean it works for everyone. Parents have to keep trying to see what works and for some the rewards system works.

Either you didn't understand my point or you are arguing simply for the sake of winning an argument. I didn't say this idea works for everybody. In some cases, extrinsic rewards may be the ONLY thing that works because the child may never understand intrinsic goals. Yours may be the exception perhaps, I don't know. But for most children, combining extrinsic WITH intrinsic will help the child to value intrinsic values also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I did the whole rewards thing, charts, tokens, jars, gold stars, device time, you name it. It made him devalue homework, helping the family out, whatever goal we set for him. Yes, everything got done. But the bigger goal was growing further and further out of reach. We began to give extrinsic rewards that were combined with intrinsic or included socialization time, and it helped to teach him why and how to value intrinsic goals and people. It takes much longer but it does work for many kids.

We don't have this problem with our reward system.. Nor does our child throw a tantrum if the teacher forgets to give him his reward for meeting his behavioral goals at school. He knows that he will get it the next day when he reminds her.

We had a functional behavioral assessment and a behavioral intervention plan by a trained behaviorist done for school and the reward system has been life changing without any downsides.

I think the only way to determine it's real effectiveness is to eventually wean children off of the extrinsic reward system and see if he STILL does the work necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I did the whole rewards thing, charts, tokens, jars, gold stars, device time, you name it. It made him devalue homework, helping the family out, whatever goal we set for him. Yes, everything got done. But the bigger goal was growing further and further out of reach. We began to give extrinsic rewards that were combined with intrinsic or included socialization time, and it helped to teach him why and how to value intrinsic goals and people. It takes much longer but it does work for many kids.

We don't have this problem with our reward system.. Nor does our child throw a tantrum if the teacher forgets to give him his reward for meeting his behavioral goals at school. He knows that he will get it the next day when he reminds her.

We had a functional behavioral assessment and a behavioral intervention plan by a trained behaviorist done for school and the reward system has been life changing without any downsides.

I think the only way to determine it's real effectiveness is to eventually wean children off of the extrinsic reward system and see if he STILL does the work necessary.

He had the behavioral plan in effect for three months and then he did not need it anymore and finished out second grade without it or any rewards. Did great.

Started off third grade without the plan or any extrinsic rewards but then requested the plan back. I think bc it gives more structure to his day and clear expectations.

Basically it is a checklist, so he gets to check off as his main reward. He also gets to pick out two trinkets as his prizes in the morning... Which he immediately forgets about as soon as he earns them. He always gets 100% in the behavioral plan, which is always beyond the goal for the days.

Whatever works. Everyone likes the plan including DS and teachers.
Never needed a plan at home.

[Anonymous]

OP, your topic is the subject of one of the sessions in Dan Shapiro's "Raising Your Challenging Child" series. I wouldn't suggest you parachute into a single session, but do the whole series, if you're interested.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, pp. I kept reading even though the read went off the rails. I plan to do the course next year.