What to do to get DW self-esteem back?

[Anonymous]

Quiet should be required reading for everyone! 50% of us are introverts acting as extroverts to get by

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often does she see/interact with her family?

OP: Now you ask, I realize that is once or twice a month, rare compared to my contact with my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she changed, OP, or has she always been this way and it has grown to bother you?

She sounds like an introvert, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and there is nothing you (or anyone) can do to get her to enjoy things like parties or gatherings. Introverts can do things they don't enjoy and that make them anxious and unhappy for the people they love, though, and most of us do, balancing those things with the solitary activities that recharge us.

As an introvert, it is really hard to have extroverts say things like I need to "get out of my shell," "move out of my comfort zone," "be more social." I actually don't need to do those things any more than extroverts need to stay in more, keep their mouths shut, and isolate themselves. Your post is really touching, OP, and I think you are probably a lovely husband, but it is clear that you think your DW would be a happier, better person if she liked parties and such. That is true only if she is suffering from depression or something now, and if her baseline is a more outgoing nature she should get back to. If her baseline is introverted...you may not be fully compatible socially. That's okay, too, but you have to work harder to find things you both enjoy.

+1000. PP is spot on. You should read "Quiet." She sounds like a classy introvert. You see this an issue because you are an extrovert. I know that because my mom is like your wife. No matter what I do, she prefers to stay at home. It's frustrating but I have come to accept our differences.

OP: She is definitely quieter and a home body more than at first... though we were young dating and not 10 years in and older. The feeling disconnected growing over time that bothers me, thats the issue.

Getting a copy of Quiet to read.

Thanks for the help, advice and perspective!

[Anonymous]

Feign choking on a chicken bone at dinner and let her give you the Heimlich maneuver to "save your life" that should give her something to feel good about and brag about and boost her confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does she see/interact with her family?

OP: Now you ask, I realize that is once or twice a month, rare compared to my contact with my family.

That might be good. If they are the ones knocking her down a peg once or twice a month might be too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does she see/interact with her family?

OP: Now you ask, I realize that is once or twice a month, rare compared to my contact with my family.

That might be good. If they are the ones knocking her down a peg once or twice a month might be too much.

I don't see that, but they are... passive, is the best way to describe it.