How to respond to "I won't be your friend anymore"

[Anonymous]

This is a normal thing for kids to say. I tell my kids not to say it because it is mean and I tell them to go play with something or someone else if said to them. I do no manage their playdates (i.e. if kids are saying it to one another) We do talk about what happened AFTERWARDS.

I think parents overreact. Yes, my kid might me mildly upset at the statement but if that same kid that said it to them says - "Oh, I was just joking we are friends" then they go about as if nothing happened. So how upset is my kid really? It doesn't have the same context that we put to it.

Let your kids figure it out. Now if playdates are consistently bad then discontinue them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Unfortunately, ignoring him doesn't make him stop. He gets more and more frustrated and angry. And then of course the less my daughter wants to play with him right then. Playing with someone else often isn't an option, during arranged play dates when there is no one else around.

To those of you advocating just letting them work it out themselves, at what point do you intervene when there is mean behavior? Doesn't just standing by send the message that it's OK ?

I would intervene if there were physical aggression, but it sounds as though he just says he doesn't like her.

If she won't play with him when he acts like that, she's sending a message that it's not OK. You might want to talk to her (before a playdate) about saying explicitly, "I'm not going to play with you as long as you're saying mean things."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's friends keep saying this whenever my daughter doesn't want to play what he wants to play right then. I know it used to hurt her a lot when she was younger, and at that time, we would take a break and the boy's parent would talk to him and eventually he would apologize. Now she is six, she doesn't cry about it, so I'm not sure if she's just hiding the hurt or she has learned to brush it off. But since she doesn't appear visibly upset, we have just been ignoring it. This makes him get more riled up and keep saying it over and over. It doesn't feel right. Any suggestions? When they do both want to play the same thing, they play well together and she does want to keep doing play dates with him.

I'd give her a polite but firm response, rather than just ignoring it. "That's not a nice thing to say. You can be a friend even if you don't want to play the same things all the time."

Your daughter is old enough that you don't need to intervene. Give her the tools to deal with it, and be there for her to talk about it, but don't feel like you have to intervene if she's not acting upset. It's not sending the message that the kid's behavior is okay; it's sending the message that you think she is capable of managing the situation herself.

This, this, this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's friends keep saying this whenever my daughter doesn't want to play what he wants to play right then. I know it used to hurt her a lot when she was younger, and at that time, we would take a break and the boy's parent would talk to him and eventually he would apologize. Now she is six, she doesn't cry about it, so I'm not sure if she's just hiding the hurt or she has learned to brush it off. But since she doesn't appear visibly upset, we have just been ignoring it. This makes him get more riled up and keep saying it over and over. It doesn't feel right. Any suggestions? When they do both want to play the same thing, they play well together and she does want to keep doing play dates with him.

I'd give her a polite but firm response, rather than just ignoring it. "That's not a nice thing to say. You can be a friend even if you don't want to play the same things all the time."

Your daughter is old enough that you don't need to intervene. Give her the tools to deal with it, and be there for her to talk about it, but don't feel like you have to intervene if she's not acting upset. It's not sending the message that the kid's behavior is okay; it's sending the message that you think she is capable of managing the situation herself.

This. One of my daughters friends does this all the time (or has a meltdown if she doesn't get her way). The kids are 6. I've worked with my daughter so she now says "When you are ready to play, come back and let me know"

[Anonymous]

'I won't be your friend anymore' means 'do what I want to do.' Can't someone just be honest with the kid? When you say that, it makes you less likeable. If you keep it up, pretty soon you aren't going to have any friends at all. What else do you guys want to do that might be fun for your both?