WWYD about SIL

[Anonymous]

I get that this is upsetting - i do.

But what others are meanly saying is that you're deflecting - your anger and hurt from the news of your grandmother is being channeled to this particular SIL incident.

Is she a bitch? Probably. Does she not give a damn about you and your pain? Probably.

Is there anything to be done about it? Probably not. You can tell your husband. But if she's a young, immature, pampered B, you can't force hr to have empathy.

Just rise above. Be cool and calm and confident around her. Vent to a trusted friend. What else can you do?

[Anonymous]

What thoughtless person a) invades someone's space during a known private phone call and b) takes a photo of it?

Your SIL is at best clueless and at worst mean. Tell DH about these things though, so he knows later why you don't want to spend time with her.

[Anonymous]

I think this is causing you a lot of hurt, but from my perspective this is pretty small and minor and not worthy of being a big deal. Try to let it go and don't let it fester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What thoughtless person a) invades someone's space during a known private phone call and b) takes a photo of it?

Your SIL is at best clueless and at worst mean. Tell DH about these things though, so he knows later why you don't want to spend time with her.

What grown up dwells on such things?

[Anonymous]

You don't like her. You're never going to like her. It sounds like she doesn't like you that much, either.

Well, OK. Not everyone has to like everyone. But you do have to try to get along. No need to go out of your way, but be polite to her, change the subject if she talks about something that rubs you the wrong way, and keep it moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually she did know exactly what was going on, I told the entire family that my grandmother was in the hospital and I was waiting to hear news. I was crying in the office after my phone call and had my head down in a moment of weakness when she came in and was trying to take a pic of me?

But she didn't. Get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What thoughtless person a) invades someone's space during a known private phone call and b) takes a photo of it?

Your SIL is at best clueless and at worst mean. Tell DH about these things though, so he knows later why you don't want to spend time with her.

What grown up dwells on such things?

What grown up takes a photo of someone on the phone?

[Anonymous]

Learn to ignore her. Then do it.

She's not going to get better. She'll get worse, much worse, as she ages and her prospects fade, so make it clear to DH that his siblings are his problems/priorities/relationships and yours are yours. Now.

Get used to having the same arm's length relationship with SIL as you would have with a dental receptionist having trouble processing your insurance plan: ever-building tension. What do you do when that happens? Smile, wait patiently for the time to pass and then go on with your life.

Who knows? Maybe she'll change and grow. It's a long shot but it's possible. However, if you don't react and get involved with her drama, you won't become a target and you might just offer an example for her to model.

Don't count on that, though. People only infrequently change and grow. Just go on with your life and cherish your true allies/friends/positive relationships.

Distance yourself from high stress, high maintenance people. Including ILs where necessary.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like she sucks. Why would she be following you to take a picture anyhow? That makes no sense.

I would have mentioned it to my DH as soon as we left. "So a weird thing happened after I got off the phone, your sister had followed me and was trying to take a picture of me while I was upset. Any ideas why she'd do that? I felt disrespected." Then see what your DH says. It might be nothing more than "well, she's a B". But even so, better to have it out there.

The other PPs, however rude they were, are right about one thing: stay cool, calm and collected and IGNORE her.

[Anonymous]

Except that she wasn't following OP. She simply popped up at an inopportune time. Her worst crime is being socially awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My moment of crisis is not a snapchat for her and her shitty friends to laugh at"

Jesus Christ, you are just the belle of the ball.

Additionally this is your grandmother? I'm sure she is at an age that none of this should be a surprise.

[Anonymous]

So because she's old her family isn't allowed to be upset about an health issue??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My moment of crisis is not a snapchat for her and her shitty friends to laugh at"

Jesus Christ, you are just the belle of the ball.

Additionally this is your grandmother? I'm sure she is at an age that none of this should be a surprise.

Yeah, you are lucky to have a grandma. I am 35 and have no parents and no grandparents.
You are a major drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What thoughtless person a) invades someone's space during a known private phone call and b) takes a photo of it?

Your SIL is at best clueless and at worst mean. Tell DH about these things though, so he knows later why you don't want to spend time with her.

What grown up dwells on such things?

What grown up takes a photo of someone on the phone?

This. Why would she be taking a photo of OP? I don't think it was an innocent act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My moment of crisis is not a snapchat for her and her shitty friends to laugh at"

Jesus Christ, you are just the belle of the ball.

Additionally this is your grandmother? I'm sure she is at an age that none of this should be a surprise.

Yeah, you are lucky to have a grandma. I am 35 and have no parents and no grandparents.
You are a major drama queen.

Same here. 35, grandparents died before I was born or when I was very young. Both parents also deceased. Some people don't know what they have.

OP, I think you're taking out your grief on your SIL. It's fine and normal to feel grief. It's not fine to take it out on your SIL, who did something awkward and weird, but doesn't sound like it was with bad intentions. Let it go.

You're very, very luck to have known and had a grandmother that you seemed to love, and love you back, and was around for even part of your life. Have gratitude in your grief, and let this go.